The past year hasn’t been the easiest. I’ve lost loved ones, at early Spring this year we lost our beloved dog (picture,) our first baby. She would have only turned eight later this Spring and we had expected that she could live up to fifteen. But she got ill, and though we did everything possible, it was clear that the best for her, was to let her go.
The whole process, from discovering that all is not well, taking her to the vet, getting the grim verdict; trying to treat her, and then making the final decison, took less than a week. We really had no idea that it could be so bad. Those who have lost a pet, understand how difficult it may be, how great the sorrow feels, they become such a huge part of your life.
I also lost both of my grandmothers, but they were ready and willing to leave and so it was easier to accept. I just wish I would have had a better chance to say goodbye, but this damn virus… masks and distances… There are things left unsaid, but in my heart I want to believe they knew.
I also learned of the death of my dear Polish online friend and the news broke my heart a little further. We met through writing, and she also visited me in 2009, spending a whole week with me then. I always thought I’d have the time to return the visit… Somehow busy adulthood came in between. Last we spoke, shortly, online was after Easter 2020… Then she stopped responding. I admit I was scared and reluctant perhaps to learn the truth. So I delayed finding out till late this Summer and found out that she had died of cancer, very shortly after our last online conversation… When we last messaged, she had known, but… for some reason… didn’t tell me. I admit that it bothered me, I would have said something better in those last conversations and I’ve read them over and over trying to understand. But…she was only 35, I think it was just difficult for her to accept and didn’t want to say Goodbye, so… I must accept.
I regret that we didn’t write so often in the last year, I was busy with my children, I regret that I didn’t have the chance to tell her what I trully wanted and that I didn’t visit when I still had the chance. Sometimes life is just unfair. Later, I wrote in our last conversation what I would have wanted to tell her, and it gave me some comfort. I will always keep her in my heart. This is a reminder how unpredictable life is and also, even if time and busy years come in between and your friend perhaps doesn’t contact as often as before, it doesn’t mean that you don’t matter to them. Keep that in mind everyone ❤
My husband also lost his friend, who suddenly died at the age of 39, this December (no convid). This has trully been a year that I’m happy to say Goodbye to. I hope better things for 2022!
Well, for something good that this year has brought; I’ve been able to write more! And I am sure I’ll keep that up the following year. Thank you all that have found here, especially those of you who comment or vote, it means a lot! ❤
I’ll keep my penname Kolgrim, but will also start using the name; Anne Ranta. In hopes that perhaps someday I’ll publish a self-published book, or something. It sounds more credible, I think. 😅 Kolgrim was one of my pet gerbils that I got when I was 12, she was one of three sisters, she had black fur and she was the ”bad ass” of the group. 😆 Anyway, name Anne Ranta, is not what I’m really called. Ranta=Shore, so it seemed okay 🙂
If you have a twitter account, look me up! 🙂
Happy New year 2022!