Silent 41-45

Chapter 41.

The man kissed his neck, his hands opening the buttons of his shirt. The shirt was pulled off; lips found his nipple, a tongue played with them. The man was moaning, hands moving on his skin, searching, and feeling. His hands felt so rough on his soft skin. Sam stared at the odd oil painting, which was on the wall opposite from the bed. It was ugly, he thought, and bended his head over to the side, to look at it from a different angle. He wondered what exactly it was suppose to present. He had never been able to understand the thing in modern art; he liked the more normal fashioned pictures that actually described something understandable.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous.” The man whispered in French. He was now undressing his pants. Sam shook his head, trying desperately to concentrate on why he was here now, in this apartment full of bad art. The man with sand colored hair had his cock in his mouth now. His rough hands felt the muscles of his stomach. Sam blinked his eyes; he looked down at the man’s head, which was moving back and forth. The man made some very odd noises while sucking him. Sam lay on his back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He tried to remember the man’s name. He was quite sure that it had started with the letter A, Andre perhaps? He wondered, but couldn’t be sure of it.

Sam wondered why on earth had he even left with this man. How was it exactly, that he had ended up, lying naked on this bed? The answer was really quite simple; alcohol, new years eve, Michael hadn’t called him after Christmas, depression, heart ache, a stupid party, with lots of stupid, new years eve depressed people, looking for some sort of consolation. He had drank too much, he had danced, and then he had met this man whose first name started with an A, but on the other hand, it might start with an O? He had drunk some more and left with him, ignoring Kitty’s sermon. And where was Kitty now? Had she stayed at the party? Sam wondered. And what was the time now? What was Michael doing, would he be sleeping already? A, which Sam had named the man, climbed on top of him, and tried to kiss his lips. Sam turned his head, so that he met with his cheek instead. Sam rolled the other man under him; there was no way in hell that he would bottom for some stranger.

He felt so depressed. Maybe sex would help? He wondered, and started to kiss the man’s chest. His chest was quite hairy, he found that he didn’t like this fact, the hairs got stick to his mouth, and he would have wanted to just spit them out. Michael didn’t have hairs, his chest was smooth, and his body and his skin such, perfect ness. Sam stroked the man’s organ with his hand. He realized then that he would in fact need a condom. The man had apparently realized this too, because next he gave him one.

Sam wrapped it around his cock; he stared into the face of this stranger. There was a lustful gaze the man was waiting eagerly. A was about thirty year old French man, with muddy brown eyes, sand blond hair, and hairy chest, well at least it was hairier than what Sam was used to. The man gave him the lube and Sam rubbed it on his opening preparing him, acting more like some kind of robot than himself.

Slowly he started to thrust in, and the man was moaning under him. The man made such strange noises of pleasure. Sam thought. A ran his hands on his body, feeling him. ‘Michael did this differently.’ Sam thought, and remembered the softness of Michael’s hands, the way he had touched him. He remembered how Michael had looked up to him, the way he had smiled. The movements of his hips, the sounds he made, the soft, perfect lips whispering the words; ‘I love you’ when they made love. It had been beautiful, everything about Michael, everything about them when they made love. This felt so utterly wrong, so dirty. Sam was starting more and more to regret this. The man under him seemed however to enjoy himself, so apparently he did something right. He moved inside him, stroked his cock with his hand, trying to enjoy this too. He closed his eyes, and started to remember all those times with Michael. It had really been making love, this, here and now, was only sex, without any kind of emotion. He tried not to hear his moans, his sounds. He only wanted to remember the past, the love of his life. The sweat on the other’s body clutched on to his, he sped up his thrusts. Firmly keeping the image of Michael in his mind, and finally, he came.

Sam collected his clothes from the floor and got dressed. “You’re leaving already? Stay, stay for the night?” ’A’ asked and looked at him. “Yes, I’m tired and I want to go home.” Sam replied and walked towards the bedroom door. “You’re not even giving me your number?” The man asked with confusion. “Listen I’m sorry, but I’m still not interested in having a relationship, I thought I told you this already? We agreed on having sex, nothing more.” Sam said, knowing that he might sound a bit harsh. He turned and opened the door. A pillow hit him on the back. “Whore!” The man shouted. Sam sighted with boredom, and not looking back, he left.


Sam lay on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. He knew that he should do something; go out, meet friends, but everything seemed so hard. He hadn’t even done much housework, since Michael had left, and it showed. The whole place was a mess. Dirty clothes on the bedroom floor, teacups, water glasses, empty boxes from Chinese take out. In the kitchen a big pile of dirty dishes were waiting for him. In the fridge, all that was left was some molded cheese, a milk can that had already passed it’s better days, a butter case that had not much left inside, and two small, grey and round things, that had once actually been tomato’s. There was a dry, and hard piece of French bread on the kitchen counter. He knew that he should just throw everything away, but he just didn’t feel like it. He knew that he should clean up, but he didn’t feel like that either. His time was consumed in self-pity in a dirty apartment; it gave him some kind of sick satisfaction.

Kitty had stopped by the other day, and nearly had herself a heart attack when she had seen the way his place looked like. She had almost taken out the cleaning accessory from the closet, to start the cleaning herself, but finally Sam had lost his nerve and threw her out. Sam could admit that the apartment didn’t perhaps have the nicest smell in it right now, but he himself had come used to it already.

His beard was un-shaved, and his hair was a mess. He felt very masculine at the moment. Kitty had suggested that he go meet a doctor, she said that he was acting ridiculous, and that if he so much wanted Michael back, then this really wasn’t helping at all. She was right, and he did know that. He would get himself up and going eventually, this depression and self-pity would pass by sooner or later, they always had.

The world was unfair and full of shit. Everybody knew that, he knew it too well. Michael knew it even better. Sam would have wanted to find Jean and Patrick. He thought, that if he were to meet with them, he would be ready to commit a murder, or two in fact. He started listing the most painful ways to kill them in his mind. He also wanted to get back at Ricky, the time in jail, just didn’t seem enough of a punishment for a monster like him. The right thing would be to make him suffer all the same pain that he had caused to his victims. He cursed the world and the ridiculous legal system. 15-years of prison, to a man that had ruined the lives of many young men, who had probably killed some? He had never been the one to support the capital punishment, but his mind had now been changed. There were some people, that simply didn’t deserve to live, and one Richard Matthews, was definitely one of those people.

His cell began to ring, and at first, he thought that he would just ignore it. He turned to lie over to his side, smiling when the ringing stopped. But soon enough it rang again. Sam snarled with irritation, and stood up to find the phone. He didn’t recognize the number, so he pressed the silent button. When the phone rang for the third time, he thought, that someone really wanted to talk with him, and he decided to answer. “Hello.” He answered with rude voice. He ran his fingers through his hair, and rested his arms on his knees.

“Hello… This Tony McDonnell speaking, I um…” The man with slight Scottish accent in his voice started. “Just spill it out. I don’t have all day. If you’re selling something, then the answer is no.” Sam snorted. He wanted to go back into pitying himself. “I’m not selling anything.” The other man snorted back, sounding little bit irritated, he mumbled something that Sam couldn’t understand a word from. Sam thought about just hanging up on him. “Sorry, didn’t quite catch that?” He then decided to ask, as rudely as he could though. He thought that this man was just some impertinent statistician, who had his first day at work.

“I’m a friend of Michael’s. I’m not selling anything, I’m just calling in behalf of my friend.” The man continued with the same irritated voice. Sam became alert as soon as he heard Michael’s name being mentioned. “What? Michael? What about him? Is he alright?” His voice had softened. “I think you should come to meet him, he told me the whole story and… Look, I just think, that you should come here. There is one thing that he didn’t tell you, but he told me and I think you should know it too. I would like to meet with you in person, talk to you face to face.”

Sam understood now, that he was talking with the man that had been Michael’s best friend, and first love. “How is he?” Sam asked, with slight worry in his voice. “Well he’s… What can you expect? He tries his best to cope, and move on with his life, but he is pretty depressed, although he tries to hide it from the others.” Tony sighted, sounding a bit tired. “I have to arrange some things here, my work stuff and other things, but I’ll be there. I’ll call you back, as soon as I can get things fixed, alright?”

Sam finished the call, he called Kitty, and then at his work. He looked around himself, and decided that it would be time to start cleaning up. At first, he would take a shower and shave the ridiculous beard away.


Sam walked into the small cafe, and looked around. He saw a tall young man, who had light brown hair, green eyes, and few freckles on the midsection of his face, sitting in front of a window table. The other man looked straight at him, with question on his face. Sam neared the table. “Tony McDonnell?” He asked when reaching the table. The young man nodded and smiled a little. “Hi, I’m Samuel Grey.” They shook hands, and Sam sat down, opposite from him.

Tony looked at him closely; he had looked at him from the minute that he had stepped in. The blond man was really handsome, and suddenly Tony became very aware of his freckles, that he himself had never liked having. The girls would say that he looked cute, no doubt, that it was just because of the freckles. He didn’t want to be cute; he wanted to be handsome and dangerous looking. He had visited the gym a lot, to get more reactions of his liking, and not so much the ’cute’ comments from women’s. But still he got them, there seemed to be no escape. He rubbed his nose with his thumb, without realizing.

The waitress brought them the teas that they had ordered. “So what is that you wanted to talk to me about?” Sam asked. Tony tasted his tea, and placed the cup back on the table. “He’s afraid. He told me about that Jean character. Michael got a letter from him, in which he threatened your life, and Michael. He let me read the letter. I have tried to talk to him, to make him call you and tell this himself, but he’s just so afraid. Michael does love you though.” Tony said and drank more of his tea. “Oh, now I understand everything… Dam nit, I hate that man so much! If anyone is going to be killed, then it’s him, not I, not Michael.” Sam snorted.

Tony leaned backwards on his chair, and rested his hands on the table. “So what are you going to do now?” He asked. “Go to him, talk with him, stay by his side.” Sam answered straight away, and continued. “Jean has obviously lost it completely, and as long as he stays free, Michael needs protection. I’m more worried for him, then for myself. After all, it’s him what Jean wants and.. I must say that I’m really worried, if that fucking bastard ever gets near him again then I’ll…” Sam stared at his teacup with anger on his blue eyes.

Tony looked at him carefully, so this man really did care for his friend. He would be ready to defend him, perhaps even with his own life, that was good. At the same time, he knew that his own chances were gone now. If Sam had turned out to be a coward, then he could have been the man on Michael’s side, to finally be more to him, than just his friend, but Sam was not a coward, nor was he an idiot. “If you ever hurt him, if you ever brake his heart, or do anything to harm him, then I swear that you’ll be hearing from me. I will let no harm come to him, understand this.” Tony threatened, just in case. “I would never harm him. I love him, and I promise to treat him with nothing but love. It’s good that he has a friend like you though.” Sam smiled. “So we both protect him” Tony said then, and smiled back to the blond man, who nodded his head in agreement

Chapter 42.

Henry Wills stood in front of the dark block building, waiting for his son’s therapy lesson to end. He lighted his pipe, and looked at the scenery in front. He had thought that the best thing was to wait right near the entrance. Had he stayed waiting by the car, at the parking lot, he could have missed seeing his son coming out, and well, what if that French man would be lurking some where near? You could never know for sure. He worried for his son, and he wouldn’t stop worrying until the police would find those men.

Michael had shown them the letter, that the man had send him. Henry was quite sure that it was Tony who had made him do that, and to open up to them more. Henry had been furious beyond words after reading it; how dared he? If that man would get his dirty hands on his son ever again, then… Henry stopped to think, he just couldn’t let that happen. He worried for his wife as well, he worried for the both of them, and he always hated to leave them by themselves, when he had to go to work.

He remembered back the time, the time he had first met his wife. He had been Michael’s age at the time, a young man, who had just moved from Ireland to England, after a job. Evelyn had been 19-years old. He remembered that he had first seen the girl, at a coffee house, sitting with her friends. He had never seen anything as beautiful as she was. Her laugh had been bright, her dark hair had been lifted up, into a beautiful chignon. Her brown eyes; full of joy, so bright and friendly. He remembered how she had walked past his table and smiled to him. His heart had almost stopped from beating. “Well that one sure was hot, wouldn’t mind giving her a spin.” A co-worker of his, had said next to him. “Beautiful.” Was all that Henry could reply.

After that he had visited the same coffee house daily, always hoping to meet with her, and a couple of times he had seen her there. Evelyn had always looked back at him, and smiled with that shy, gentle way of hers. Henry had tried to build up the nerve to go talk to her, but it just seemed that she was always surrounded by her friends. And Henry had thought, that there was nothing quite as intimidating as large group of giggling girls. Plus there was the fact that Henry sure was not the only one to have noticed her.

Then one day he had gone to the library, and there she had been. The girl had carried a big pile of books in her petite hands. Henry had then remembered that she always had lots of books with her. ‘So beautiful, and so smart.’ He had thought then and he thought that same thing now of his wife.

Evelyn had crawled, and dropped her books on the floor, when she had seen him. Henry had rushed over to help her. “Let me give you a hand.” He had said, when kneeling onto the floor, to cather the books.Their hands had touched. The girl had looked at him, smiled, and blushed slightly. “Thank you.” She had said, and it was almost like she would never have truly understood ,how beautiful she really was. He had asked her out with him, and she had agreed. A year later they had married and a year after that Michael had born. Every day he had marveled on his good fortune, that had given him the most beautiful woman on earth and blessed them with a beautiful, intelligent son. But at some point, the luck had turned it’s back on them.

Michael opened the door and looked at his father, who leaned against the wall, smoking his pipe. He smiled when looking at him, it was somehow so sweet seeing him there; always waiting for him when he came from his therapy. Although it was a very rare thing for his father to say out loud that he loved him, things like this, the fact that he waited for him out in the cold January evening, was more than enough to tell him that his father did indeed love him.

“Hey.” He said, as he approached him,getting his attention. “Oh, finished already? I was just getting some fresh air over here and, um…well smoking my pipe, now that your mother isn’t here to see.” Henry smiled and put the pipe down. He didn’t know who was it that he tried to cheat, Michael must have know why he really stood there, instead by the car.

They arrived to the car and headed back home. “So, how did it go?” Henry asked looking at the road ahead. “It went okay. She said that only few more sessions to make a straight man out of me, so the next step is to find that decent girl, get married, have bunch of screaming children, grow myself a nice beer-belly and start loosing my hair.” Michael joked, looked at his father and grinned. Henry smiled. “You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?” He asked and smiled with an embarrassed manner. “I’m just kidding around dad.” Michael said and smiled to him. “it’s alright, it was very stupid of me back then, I deserved that.” Henry told him.

They sat in silent, Michael leaned his head against the window glass. He felt tired, although it was only nearing eight o’clock in the evening. He glanced over at his father, who had a concentrated expression on his face while driving. His father was only two years older than Ricky, he realized, and instantly he felt ill, that always happened when he thought about Ricky. He couldn’t understand anymore what was it exactly, that he had thought at the age of 17, when leaving with him. The man could have been his own father, he was older than his own mother for God’s sake! He had to stop thinking about him, before he would feel even more ill.


Evelyn offered a tea cup to Sam, which the young man took. They sat down into the living room. Sam had arrived an hour earlier. He had told about his meeting with Tony and told her that he wished to see Michael now. Evelyn was happy to see Sam there. Maybe he could make her son feel better? She could see that Michael was depressed, although he tried really hard. The recovery would take it’s time, and all the possible help would surely come to use.

They heard the front door opening. “We’re home!” Henry called from the hallway. Evelyn and Sam stood up. Henry came first into the living room, he looked at Sam, looking slightly surprised. “Well, isn’t this a surprise.” He said then. “It’s nice to see you.” He added quickly. Michael followed his father into the room. He had been just about to say something when he spotted Sam. Michael looked at him, surprised, his lips slightly parted. “What are you doing here?” Michael spluttered out loud, in confusion. “Hi, nice to see you too.” Sam grinned. “I want to talk with you, you haven’t called and…” Sam started, he looked at Evelyn who looked at them both with interest. Sam turned to look back at Michael ”Can we go for a walk or something?” He suggested then. Michael looked at his mother, who smiled to him encouragingly and then at his father, who still seemed as surprised as he was. “Um, I guess it’s alright.” He replied and started to walk back into the hall, followed by Sam.

They walked in silent, Michael was avoiding his gaze, keeping his hands in his pockets. “How have you been doing?”” Sam asked, braking the silent between them. “Well I…I’ve been fine.” Michael answered and looked at him. “I’ve started going in therapy sessions, and at least they haven’t given me the insane papers yet.” Michael grinned slightly. “How have you been Sam? Has everything been alright?” He asked then. “I’ve been doing okay, but I’ve missed you…” Sam said quietly, looking at him and then stopping him gently on the side of the near by park. “Jean send you a letter, why didn’t you tell me?” Sam asked with soft voice. Michael looked at the ground. “Who told you?” He asked. “I talked with Tony today, he called me a few weeks back and I arrived to London this morning.” Sam explained and lifted Michael’s chin up gently, so that their eyes met. “Michael, I love you so God damn much. It’s sweet that you’re trying to protect me from that bastard, but braking us apart is not they way to do that. I’ll be fine, what I don’t know is, would I be fine if I had to go on another day without you. I know what I’m up against if I am to meet with him, and darling, trust when I say this; it would be his behind that would suffer from it, not mine.” Sam told him. Michael felt the tears in his eyes, he tried not to cry, he hated the fact that he seemed to burst into tears in every five seconds, but he just couldn’t help it. Sam pulled him into a gentle hug, and stroked his hair.

“I do love you Sam, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, I thought that…” He spluttered. “Shh…It`s okay now. So you’ll take me back?” Sam asked carefully, Michael nodded his head. “I never wanted to brake up.” He whispered, and Sam smiled to him warmly, looking at him more carefully. “You’ve shorten your hair.” He whispered, playing with them with his fingers. Michael nodded. “I was beginning to look like a girl.” He laughed quietly. Sam smiled. “You look good, smell good.” Sam whispered holding him close. He kissed Michael’s lips carefully, observing his reaction. Michael realized then, just how much he had missed his lover and answered to the kiss. He parted his lips, pressed Sam’s neck ever so gently to deepen the kiss. “It’s pretty cold here, lets go back inside?” Michael asked. “Alright.” Sam smiled and took his hand in his, they started to walk back to the house.

“I think that you should stay for the night Samuel, it’s getting late and it`s a long drive to London. I made you a bed in Michael’s room.” Evelyn said as they came into the kitchen. Michael smiled to her, they did have a guestroom too, but it seemed that his mother really wanted them back together, which she didn’t know yet that they already were. His father looked at him with slight worry. “We do have a guestroom too.” He pointed out carefully. Michael smiled to him. “It’s quite alright dad, Sam can sleep in my room, if he wants to.” He assured, looking at his boyfriend. “Yes, if it really is alright with you, I would gladly stay. I do feel quite tired already.” Sam said, he just really wanted to stay close to Michael, after being away from him for so long.

“Michael, listen… If Sam tries anything…um, er…something stupid, something that you`re not ready to do…Just call, and um, I’ll come to help you.” His father whispered to him, as he was about to leave to upstairs with Sam. Michael looked at him, his father was looking a bit blushed. Michael laughed softly to him. “Don’t worry dad, I think I’ll manage.” He assured with a smile. “Good night!” He said to his parents then, and left to upstairs followed by Sam.

Sam was walking behind him, looking at his lovers behind with the want to touch it. He had missed Michael so much, everything about him. “You’re looking at my butt, aren’t you?” Michael asked, not turning around to look at him. “Um…I just, uh…” Sam stammered, feeling embarrassed. “Don’t worry about it Sam.” Michael said, turned his head and grinned. “I haven`t really changed anything in here, so if it screams out; a teen-age boy, try not to mind too much.” Michael told him, when opening the door. They came in. “I’ll go for a quick shower and to brush my teeth.” Michael said then, took a towel from his closet and left.

Sam walked around the room. He stopped to look at the metals that hung on the wall. Prizes from sports and dancing contest; silver and gold. Sam smiled, he looked at the poster little farther away; Indiana Jones, somehow it didn’t surprise him at all. He walked over to the bookshelf, looking at the photographs. Tony and Michael in their early teens, both had a broad smiles on their faces, Tony’s arm was placed around his slightly shorter friends shoulder. A picture of Michael’s grandparents. Michael and Tony in their football uniforms at the of 8, Sam guessed. They looked happy in the picture, standing at the side of the football field. Michael sure had been a beautiful child as well.

He came to Michael’s desk and saw a black book on top of it. He looked behind him, towards the door, and then took the book into his hands. He opened the cover. “Keep your hands off!” Was written, with big warning letters, on the first page. Sam, couldn’t hold his curiosity back and so he ignored the warning. ’Michael’s journal’ He thought exited, as he looked at the page behind the first one. ’A teen-aged Michael’s journal.’ The first entry had been made on 13th of july 1995;

I arrived here, in Ireland, a week ago. Tony isn’t with me this time, he had to go to Scotland and at first I thought that I wouldn’t come here either, but then, I’ve waited for the whole spring to go riding again so…

Now I’m so grateful, that I came! There’s a new summer worker at the stables; Liam O’Crilly and all I can say is; yummy! Liam is 19, and he has worked with horses quite a lot. And oh my God; he’s so handsome! My dirty mind starts to race with the images of him naked… Oh this is so horrible! It feels that this thought only starts to build up. Lately I’ve been noticing, that I look at Tony ’that way’, that I have fantasy’s and dreams of him, well you know what I mean… I’ve tried to tell myself that this is just some phase that is going to pass with time, that I’m really not interested in other men, but… I guess I just have to admit this, at least to myself.

Liam looks at me greatly,or so I’ve noticed. And at times he acts like he would know, that… Well, like he knew exactly what’s going on in my mind. He say’s things to me that can be taken in two ways, things that seem odd for a straight guy to say to a 15-year old boy. He jokes, and then he touches me in a funny ways sometimes.

Well, today for example, when I came back from riding, he helped me down from the horse. Not that I need any help, thank you very much, but who would honestly refuse from a help of a gorgeous guy when offered? I know I wouldn’t . Well anyway, he asked; ‘Does your arse hurt love?’ And then he grinned, his hands staying on my hips a little longer than necessary. But, what the fuck was that all about; does my arse hurt?! I do not understand, and I’m not sure do I even want to understand…

Uh, I’m so tired, and tomorrow we have go to church; damn sundays. Why do we have to go to church? I mean there would be so much more nicer things to do, like…well, like sleeping late!! I do not think that God cares so much, of how do we spend our sundays, as long as we behave nicely enough. But oh well, I guess I just have to go, if I wouldn’t ,Rachel would probably throw some scene, and trust me when I say; no on can stand a raging Rachel…Well, I’ll go to bed now, I`ll write again later.


Sam heard the approaching steps and placed the journal back to it’s original spot. He returned near the bookshelf. Michael had a black t-shirt on, and loose pants. He was drying his wet hair with his towel. “Do you want to go to the shower Sam?” He asked. “Yes, I’d like that.” Sam answered and smiled to him. Michael handed him a clean towel and showed him where the bathroom was.

When Sam returned into the room,he saw Michael already in his bed, the blanket drawn high up. He saw his clothes on his chair. Sam looked at Michael again, realizing that he was almost naked under that blanket. Sam felt his heart bead increasing, he moistened his own lips. Michael was looking at him, at his every move. Sam turned the lights off and closed the door after him. He laid down on the mattress next to Michael’s bed, covering himself with the blanket. “Goodnight honey.” Michael whispered and Sam could see that he was smiling in the dark. “Good nigh my love.” Sam whispered back to him, fighting his urge to climb on the bed with him.

Neither of them couldn’t fall a sleep, Michael stared at the ceiling. Sam had closed his eyes, but opened them from time to time to look at Michael in secret. There was a quiet rustle sound from the door, something hit against it, the door handle was pressed down and the door opened slowly. Michael startled to sit. Sam looked to the door as well and saw a small, light and fluffy animal walking slowly towards them. Michael stood up and walked over to the animal’s side.

Sam looked at the contours of Michael`s figure; his body, almost naked, only black boxers on. Michael took the cat to his arms and talked to her with a quiet voice. “Cleo, I’m sorry, but you’ll just have to find another sleeping place for tonight. I’m sorry little one.” He whispered and stoked her smooth fur. He carried the cat out into the hall. He closed the door, drying hard to ignore the accusing gaze that the cat was giving him. He locked the door after him and returned to his bed, his arms wrapping around to cover his almost naked body.

“Cleo can open doors, I had already forgotten.” He whispered to Sam, when wrapping himself under the warm cover. “A smart cat.” Sam smiled. “Can you not fall a sleep either?” Michael asked. “No, I’m cold…” Sam whispered and looked at him with puppy dog eyes. “Would you like to come here then?” Michael asked carefully. “I would.” Sam answered, and couldn’t help but to smile. Michael lifted the blanket and Sam snuggled close to his body.” This bed is quite narrow.” Michael whispered blushing slightly. Sam thought that he looked absolutely adoring. “It’s fine with me.” Sam whispered and gently placed his hand on Michael’s waist. His heart was beading fast, Michael’s skin felt so warm and smooth. Michael smelled so incredibly good.

Very carefully he kissed him, and soon his lover responded. It felt amazing, he had missed it so much. “I would like to touch you, can I?” Sam asked, he had not dared to move his hand. “Yes, you can.” Michael whispered and slowly brought his hand under Sam’s shirt. Sam moved his hand down on Michael’s thigh, his other hand behind his neck. They kissed. Very smoothly Sam touched Michael’s behind, gently feeling it’s form. He moaned into the kiss, moving his hips, his cock had started to harden, he simply couldn’t help it. Michael must have noticed it too, they were so close.

“Is this okay?” Sam asked quietly, drawing away from the kiss, touching his cheek and looking into his lovers eyes. “If this feels like too much, too soon, just tell me to stop, at any moment and I will. I honestly can wait for you as long as it takes, I am just happy to be near you again.” Sam continued. “I-I do not wish for you to stop Sam, I’ve missed you, your touch. It feels good.” Michael whispered, looking at him. “And if you were to hurt me, all I would need to do is scream, and my father would most likely brake that door into pieces, and strangle you.” Michael grinned. Sam laughed quietly. ”Well, doesn’t that just make me feel safe, your father can be quite intimidating.” He whispered. “Just play nicely and quiet, and you’ll be fine Sam.” Michael smiled, they kissed again.

Michael lifted Sam’s t-shirt up and Sam took it completely off. He kissed Michael’s collarbone, and touched his necklace. “You have worn this?” He whispered. “Everyday.” Michael answered. Sam moved his hand down on his stomach and touched his cock through his boxers. He started stoking it gently, feeling how it started to harden, they kissed, Michael moaned. Sam moved his hand behind him and they rocked their hips against each others. He moved his hand under Michael’s boxers and felt the uneven rough spot on his skin, like deep scratching marks, slashes. Michael looked at him, looking a bit frightened. “Please don’t ask Sam, not now.” He asked. Sam smiled to him soothingly and moved his hand away from the scar. He kissed his soft lips, deepened the kiss, it was starting to get uncomfortably tight inside his boxers.

“May I?” He asked, slightly pulling Michael’s boxers down. The younger man nodded and Sam undressed them both. He rolled Michael on top of himself thinking that it would be better for him to feel more in-control. He moved his hands down on Michael’s back, onto his butt. Michael moved his hips, their hard organs massaging each others. “Not there, not yet anyway.” Michael whispered, when Sam had moved his hand between his butt cheeks. Sam moved his hands to his hips. “I’m sorry.” Sam asked. ”Don’t be sorry.” Michael whispered, he kissed him, massaging his tongue against Sam’s. They both were moaning quietly. Sam held onto his hips tighter, when Michael was moving his pelvis even faster. “Oh gods, I’m going to cum.” Sam sighed. Michael moaned, fastened the moves of his pelvis and laid his forehead against Sam’s. Sam’s cock was throbbing, his body tensed. Sam moaned quietly from pleasure as he shot the white, thick liquid on his own and on Michael’s stomach. Michael came only moments later and laid on top him, feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time.

They took their time to calm down their breathing. “Wow.” Sam sighed firs and kissed Michael’s moist lips. They turned over to lie on their side’s, Sam wiped Michael’s wet hair from his forehead. “Wow…” Michael repeated. “Are you alright love?” Sam asked gently stroking his arm.”I am, that was…that was great, thank you Sam.” Michael whispered with a smile, they kissed again. Michael took the towel from the floor and cleaned them both, he then snuggled back against Sam’s chest. “I missed you Sam, I love you.” He whispered. Sam smiled, pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I love you too, always and forever. He whispered back. They fell a sleep in each others arms.

Chapter 43.

Sam was the first to wake up. He smiled as he looked at his younger boyfriend, sleeping closely to him, looking very peaceful. He felt a warm wave of love go through him, and it only made his smile grow. Michael was there, next to him, he was alive, had felt the heat of his body against his own. The first morning light peered from behind the curtains. Gently Sam touched his lovers face, wishing that he could stay there, by his side, on that bed, forever.

For the first time, in a long time there seemed to be hope for them. The world didn’t seem as dark as it had been only a few days earlier. The memories of last night’s love making filled his mind, Michael had let him touch himself, and it was something that he had missed more than he had even realized. He wanted to give everything to the man he loved, he wanted to hear him laugh again, he wanted to see the joy from his eyes, the true joy, hear the true laugh. He would dedicate all the rest of his days to making his lover happy, he would do and give his everything to him.

Sam looked at the room surrounding him, the part of Michael’s live that he had yet to learn. It was the room, of the 17-year old boy who had left all those years ago, been gone for too long, and experienced too many bad things for one so young, no one should have to go through what his lover had.

He looked at Michael; it seemed like forever since he had last seen him looking so peaceful. He wanted to learn to know him, all of him. He wanted to learn more about this boy that he had once been.

Carefully he moved to sit on the narrow bed, he looked at his lovers face closely; he was still sleeping, the peaceful sleep that he surely needed. Sam was curious; he leaned forward and reached out to take the black book, which still lay on the table.


I hardly know where to begin. I’m confused and happy, but at the same time; I’m scared. Liam kissed me! I’ve kissed another man! And it was great, it was, oh gods, I can hardly describe it. All those girls that I’ve kissed were nothing compared to this.

It happened last night. I had gone for a walk, by myself. I needed sometime alone just to clear my head, to forget about everything real. I walked over to that tree, and I sat there quite a long time, until the sun started to go down. I lost myself completely to the book that I have been reading. Finally I walked over to the shore, deciding to take a little swim.

The water was bloody freezing, but I didn’t care. It was so beautiful, so peaceful; it almost made me feel like I was the only person left in the world. – I know it must sound crazy.

The coldness, however, was soon forgotten. I was able to forget all of my troubles. Looking at the scenery; the rocks, the beach, the moon, the silvery water, I felt like I was caught up in a dream or something. I’m so weird, I know…

Anyway, Liam came to look for me. I sensed his presence long before he had even announced it. I knew that it was him and I knew that he was looking at me, and I know, that he was looking at me for a long time without saying anything. So I wanted to try, I wanted to seduce him and see what his reaction would be. I got up from the water and started walking towards him. I only had my underwear on.

I saw how he looked at me, his lips parting and I knew that he wanted me. I know that I can make a lot of people to want me. I’m kind of proud of my figure, I do not know if it is wrong to be proud of oneself, but why shouldn’t I be?

Liam stammered something about Rachel and Peter, and that they had began to worry about me. I was just enjoying so much of the way he was looking at me; it was so much more enjoyable to be admired by him then any girls. I’m only 15 and a 19-year old guy wants me! It so bloody great!

I’m not really sure how exactly it happened, one moment I was dressing my clothes back on and the next he was there kissing me like there was no tomorrow. I remember that I said to him, something like; “You like what you see?” I have no idea how I dared to say that, but I did. Those words just slipped out of my mouth. But it was so great, the best kiss ever!…So now I’m going to bed, to sleep and dream about it more…


Lots of kissing with Liam! He always kisses me when nobody can see us. It’s so exiting; this secretive sneaking around, kissing and thinking that what if someone would see us. Gerald almost did, one evening when we were at the stables and Liam had me pinned against the wall. I’m actually quite sure that he did see something, because he looked so confused and embarrassed after that. I was horrified at first, I thought that if he were to tell what he saw to my grandfather, and then I would be as good as dead! But Gerald didn’t tell, he acts like nothing happened; thank God…


Liam asked me today, have I ever let another guy to fuck me, and at the same time he was squeezing my ass quite forcefully. It made me feel kind of uncomfortable, I honestly haven’t thought so far ahead… He noticed my embarrassment and laughed, asking if I was still a virgin. I was embarrassed and angry. I replied to him, quite harshly in fact, that I only turned 15 two months ago, so what does he think? He went really weird after this, repeating my age over and over again. He said that I couldn’t be so young, that he had thought that I would be at least 17. He asked that did I know what kind of trouble he could get himself into, if someone would find out about us. I told him that I wouldn’t tell anyone. I told him that I would know that he hasn’t done anything that I didn’t want to be done and I would tell them that, if they indeed would find out.

I really do not want them to find out though, it would be horrible. I’m scared of what everybody would think of me if they knew the truth. I’m scared that everything would change so that it could never be repaired.

Liam did calm down though and we went back to kissing each other. He told me, that he would like to fuck me and he touched me in a way that no one hasn’t before. I told him that it scared me, but he kept on trying to reassure me, saying that we could take it nice and slow. He brought my hand up to touch him, to feel how hard he was. But I just couldn’t let him take my virginity, not like that, I felt like I was really not ready for that. He got angry with me, after I told him no. He told me that I’m a tease, and that I led him on into thinking that I would give him more, that I would give him all….

I do not like Liam anymore, he’s a jerk, and I’m happy to be leaving for home soon. I just don’t like the idea of getting fucked in the ass, not yet anyway. It’s scary, I mean, doesn’t it hurt quite a bit? I would imagine so, and I do not get kicks out of pain… I don’t really even understand how *it* can fit in *there*…I know that I’m stupid, and childish…

I dream about my first time a lot, and I do think about sex often, but I just… Well, my dream, my biggest dream is, that it would happen with Tony. To him, I would be ready to give anything at all, everything that I could give, anything he would ask. I wish that Tony could love me the way I love him. But it is only a dream, isn’t it? One thing I do know, I do not want my first time to be in some dirty stable, with a man that hardly even knows me…

Oh, I need to get some sleep…


Sam felt sad after reading this, so he quickly glanced through several pages.

11.5.1996 Tuesday

Today we had self-defense in gym-class. Mr. Morgan was even more enthusiastic than what he’s like normally, this only confirmed mine and Tony’s idea that his biggest dream, in all truth, is to train some kind of Batman like hero. It’s really quite funny, let me assure you.

I think he’s being very strict with me, demands more from me then he does from the others, like last week…

We had this weird exercise track; we had to run, do push ups, etc. It was my turn to do chin ups, and he just kept asking more and more from me, I can’t even remember how many I ended up doing, but he kept on asking more. My whole body was trembling, I was so tired, but he just said to me; “Five more Mr. Wills. I know, that you can do this, show us that you can.” I felt like I could curse him to the lowest hell, he wasn’t so hard to the others, five he had told them, but for some reason I had to do more! It’s truly annoying, especially when fat-Fred didn’t have to do anything! Anyway I did try my very best, trying to ignore the pain and exhaustion. Mr. Morgan told me; “The pain Mr. Wills, get past the pain, I know that you can. It’s very rewarding, something that you must go through.” Honestly; that man is nuts! He’s seriously watched a bit too much of Rambo, or something. I think someone should wake him up into the real world, to remind him, that he’s only a gym teacher in senior high-school!

Well, finally I had done what was required. My muscles have never trembled so hard, my arms felt like they were on fire, and they were sore for the next two days! On the other hand, I felt great, like; I did it, I did more than anyone else!

Well anyway, once again I’m jumping from the subject, so as to return to what happened today. I was paired with Tony, when practicing the self-defense thing. We were just laughing and joking, it was very hard to concentrate. Tony played the attacker at first. He grasped me from behind, like Mr. Morgan had told him to do. I couldn’t help but to laugh, I was suppose to do some really cool hand twist thingy that was suppose to free me.

I blame Tony, he made me laugh. It’s very hard to take the situation seriously, if your ’attacker’ whispers into your ear; ”Mmm…Let me smell your socks, please let me, oy, oy, I’m addicted to socks, I collect people’s socks…” We both laughed.

Mr. Morgan wasn’t happy at all. “Mr. Wills and Mr. McDonnell, I’m asking you both to take this seriously. Defending yourself might come in handy someday, when you least expect it.” He told us. We just nodded our heads pretending to listen. Honestly, I have Tony, I don’t need to learn self-defense, because I have him.

We tried again, but again; I laughed. I became too aware of the fact that Tony really stood behind me, so close. My dirty imagination was coming up with many different thoughts of him. Tony wasn’t helping my situation at all, he was massaging himself against my ass, joking around, whispering and moaning. Really; not helping!

Finally Mr. Morgan got tired of our behaviour and we had to switch partners. Tom and Tony was a couple and I was with Sean. I didn’t even have the time to do anything when he already had a firm hold of me. I really have no idea of what he was trying to do, but it felt really odd. I yelled at him to let me go, I yelled so hard that everyone heard. Sean did release me immediately, I think he was afraid of Tony kicking his ass, Tony was giving him his ’bad eye’ *grins* Oh, Tony is so wonderful! *sigh*

Mr. Morgan came to ask what was wrong and I told him straight forward, that I felt like Sean was getting a bit too exited about this (I think Sean will never want to speak to me again *grin* – I know, I’m horrible at times.) Mr. Morgan said that Sean was only taking this seriously which I wasn’t. I rolled my eyes at Tony, he did the same. I said that I could continue, if Sean wasn’t going to try to rape me again. *laughs* Yes, Sean will never talk to me again. And I do not know why I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

Oh, Sean will calm down and forgive me eventually, like he’s done before. Calming people down, is really quite simple, you just have to know what they want to hear the most and smile, sometimes just a smile is enough, in my case it’s enough fairly often. Hm… I wonder, am I beginning to be too self-confident? Love myself too much? I don’t. Not really, there’re lots of times that I feel like a total jerk and annoying kid. Do other people feel that way about me I wonder? If they do, they won’t admit it.

Tom for example doesn’t like me, but if I’m totally honest I don’t like much about him either, so we are even… Tom is a jerk! Oh it feels so good just to write it. Oh I really am horrible, but on the other hand I’ve never really sucked up to him, I’ve told him my honest opinion of his behaviour fairly often. The way he talks about girls for example, I think that it’s disgusting and derogatory… He’s just such a big knob head!


Tom’s eating habits have begun to disgust me even more. It’s so nauseating, he keeps shoving those greasy fries and those sweaty wieners on his plate and into his mouth more than, I’m sure, would be lawful. And then there’s the terrible smacking sound… I feel really ill when watching it, I’ve taken up a habit of bring my own lunch to school, because I really don’t feel like eating that junk. I told Tom that he might have better chances with girls if he started to watch his eating more carefully. I think he wanted to strangle me after that. Tony shoved me to the side, telling me that I should be nicer to Tom. Why? Is Tom always nice to me? No, and I’ve never sucked up to people before, so why start now?

After school I went to Jenny’s place, I had encouraged myself all day; today I’m going to do it, Jenny wants it, I want it… I spend all day thinking about big breasts and how wonderful they are and how I would like to squeeze them and…Um, hey; at least I’m trying!

So there we were; kissing on her bed, like usual. She took my shirt off and I placed my hand under hers, on her breast. Her breast are quite big, it was kind of like squeezing a big stress toy *laughs* This really didn’t help me though, because I found it funny rather than arousing which it is suppose to be, right?

Then it happened, Jenny guided my hand under her panties. Oh God it was horrible, oh, not horrible, but weird; moist and hot, and I had a hard time trying not to laugh. I actually had to press my face against the pillow and I moaned in a way that I hope made her believe that I was in seventh heaven and not un the verge of laughing like I really was.

What’s wrong with me? Jenny is the wet dream of every man. She lets me touch her and what do I do? I almost start to laugh, Oh God I’m such an idiot! Finally I was able to collect myself and when Jenny was already opening my jeans, I stopped her. I told her, that we should wait. I told her that I’m from a very religious family! I mean WHAT?!… It’s pitiful, I know, but at least she believed me! I’m afraid though, that if I don’t soon give it to her, she’s going to get suspicious (If I don’t give it to her, oh it sounds so stupid really.) But on the other hand I think the only reason that she’s in to me is that I hold back. She could get anyone she wants, and usually guys just want that one thing from her, to which I keep saying no to. I do like Jenny, very much so, but I like her as my friend. I wish I could like her more. That I would want her in that way, but it seems that I just can’t, no matter how much I try…



Michael made a small noise, he stretched his body, smacked his mouth quietly and then opened his eyes. He looked at Sam who still held his journal in his hands. Sam looked back at him, little embarrassed look on his face. “Hey.” Sam whispered.

“Hey yourself.” Michael answered, rolled over to lie on his side and smiled to him. “So you read my journal?” Michael asked.

“I’m sorry, it was just lying there, and I couldn’t help myself.” Sam answered and placed the book back on the table. He then snuggled close to his boyfriend’s body.

“You are forgiven. You know so much about me already, I don’t think, I have anything to hide from you… I hope you don’t think that I was totally stupid back then.” Michael whispered.

“I would never think that you’re stupid…So, Liam O’Grilly?” Sam asked with curiosity.

“A stupid Irish, a jerk, I have nothing else to say about him.” Michael told him. Sam touched his cheek gently. They were silent for a moment.

“Did you sleep well my angel?” Sam asked.

“Your, angel?” Michael asked arching one of his eyebrows.

“Yes, my sweet, beloved angel.”

“I’m not an angel.”

“Yes you are. You’re as beautiful as I would think angels are, you’re kind, you have a warm heart… So yes, to me you are an angel.” Sam told him, getting a small smile from his love.

“You’re weird Sam.”

“Thank you.” Sam smiled taking his hand in his.

“I haven’t slept as well as I did this night, in ages.” Michael whispered with a smile as he looked his boyfriend, who was studying his hand carefully.

“It’s good to hear, same thing here.” Sam whispered, placing their palms together still looking at them.

“You have a smaller hand than mine, and leaner fingers; lovely.” He brought Michael’s hand to his lips and kissed his skin smoothly, all the time looking into Michael’s eyes. “Do you have some kind of weird hand fetish?” Michael asked with a small laugh.

“I have a fetish, but only with your hands my love, it’s a love affair really.”

“Hm…I wonder if should start feeling jealous to my hands.” Michael laughed.

“No, you don’t, because I have a love affair with your other parts as well, I can’t decide which I love the most; I think it’s the whole packet.”

“You really are weird Sam, but I love you too and all your parts.”

They kissed their naked body’s wrapping themselves around each other. Michael didn’t feel scared, not even when he felt Sam’s growing erection against his own. He felt oddly relaxed; everything felt alright, there was no reason to fear. Opening his eyes, and looking at the room and then at his blond lover, made him smile. He was home, on his bed, on the same bed that he had spent most of his life dreaming of this moment, of a lover that would be like Sam. He knew in his heart that nothing he wouldn’t want to happen would happen, while he was with Sam. Sam loved him, he felt it, knew it.

“Hm…I think I’m going to say hello to one of my very dear and beloved friends…” Sam whispered between the kisses. Michael looked at him in confusion.

“Wha…” He started, as Sam disappeared under the cover. Soon he felt moist lips kissing the tip of his organ. Sam took his cock in his mouth and started sucking on it slowly at first. Michael arched his head back, and moaned quietly. He then moved the blanket so that he could see his lover’s blond head.

“I was afraid that, mmh…that you, oh, couldn’t get…ah, any… oxygen…mmm… under there.” He moaned. Sam lifted his head up and grinned. “I’ll take care of myself. So just relax and enjoy yourself honey.” Sam whispered and returned back to his task. Michael reached his hand to touch his lover’s smooth blond hair, he ran his fingers through them. He tried to stay as quiet as he could and nipped his bottom lip carefully as the pleasure that he felt kept growing. Sam really was good at this, he thought.

“Oh, I’m coming Sam, soon…” He managed to say and Sam only sucked him with more speed. And then Michael came, suppressing his moans by lifting a pillow over his mouth. Sam swallowed all, licking him as clean as he could. He moved up, to face him, taking the pillow away and smiling. Michael turned to look at him and slowly Sam reached down to kiss him. “Wow.” Michael whispered after the kiss. “So I can assume that you liked?”” Sam asked him. “I loved it, thank you.” They kissed again.

Michael felt Sam’s hard organ against his thigh. He moved his hands down on Sam’s body, on his buttocks, spreading his legs he wrapped them around his lovers waist, drawing him even closer to himself.

“We seem to have a problem Sam.” He said then, with serious _expression on his face.


“Your little friend is still awake.” Michael smiled.

“My little friend?” Sam asked, teasing.

“Well a big friend maybe?…. Uhum…I think that you know what I mean.” Michael said to him. Sam smiled.

“Yes, I do know what you mean.”

“So what do you think that we should do about it my love?” Michael asked and gave him another kiss. Sam could think off many things that he would like to do, but all of them felt wrong to suggest.

“Well, I can take care of it myself later, don’t worry.”

“Take care of it yourself? Don’t worry?..Oh, don’t even think that I’d let my boyfriend take care of himself after what he just gave me.” Michael said with confidence.

“I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not ready to do. I can wait.”

“Yes, I know Sam and I know what I’m ready to do, and what I’m not.” Michael told him, and turned them so that he was now lying on top of Sam.

“I may not be ready to let you have me in that way, you know? But I’m ready for anything else, and maybe, someday, I’ll be ready for that too.” He said and kissed Sam’s lips. He explored Sam’s hot mouth with his own tongue and massaged his tongue with his own. Sam stroked his back gently. Michael moved away from the kiss and kissed Sam’s neck, proceeding down on his chest, on his stomach, until he met with Sam’s cock. He kissed the tip lightly, and then licked it like a lollipop before he took the whole length in his mouth.

Sam moaned, watching his lover work. He wanted to make sure that this time Michael really wouldn’t start feeling uncomfortable. Michael looked back at him while he was sucking. They took each others hands, linking their fingers. Sam smiled, the fact that Michael was looking at him this whole time, made it even hotter. “Mmh…I’m coming…” Sam warned him. Michael tried to think fast; could he swallow everything, or should he move his head away, he then decided to give it a try. He felt the salty, thick liquid coming in his mouth, he closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed all that he could. He returned back to Sam’s embrace.


“So, what are you going to do today?” Sam asked while they were dressing.

“Well, it looks like I have some laundry to do.” Michael grinned and continued. “Then I need to study for a bit. Did I tell you that I started home studying the final grade of senior high school?” Michael asked.

“No, you haven’t. It’s great, will do you some good, I think.” Sam smiled. “

What does that mean? Does me some good?” Michael asked with worry. Did Sam think he was stupid or something? He wondered.

“Good because it gives you something else to think about.” Sam explained, walker over to him and pulled him into a hug. Michael smiled.

“Yes something else to think about.” He said then and went to get a shirt from his closet.

Suddenly he stopped, held his shirt in his hands, and looked at it, seeming a bit sad somehow. “You’re not going to stay Sam? You’ll go back to Paris of course, and I don’t want to go back there…What’s going to happen to us then?” Michael asked quietly. Sam walked behind him, wrapping his arms around him, he kissed his neck softly.

“Do you honestly think my love; that I would leave you now that I’ve gotten you back? Never. I’m not going back o Paris. I’ve given a notice to my old work place, and my apartment is on sale.” He whispered.

Michael turned around and smiled brightly.

”So, you’ll stay in England?”

“Here’s where I belong, with you.” He said and kissed his beloved.

“I love you.” Michael whispered and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

“And I love you… I have to return to London tonight and take care of few things. I’ll come back this weekend, Friday night if it’s alright?” Sam asked.

“Of course it’s alright. What things do you need to take care off?”

“You are too curious my love. It’s a surprise.” Sam smiled in a secretive manner.

“A surprise? No, tell me now. I want to know now!” Michael insisted.

“No I will not tell, only this weekend.” Michael frowned, his bottom lip turning down into a moping _expression. “You’re no fun. It’s a forever until Friday.”

“Well actually, you’ll find out on Saturday.”


“My love, I’m sure, that you can wait till Saturday. I mean; it’s Tuesday already, so it’s really not that long.”

“It is…”

“You know what? I really feel like I’m dating a teen-aged kid right now, this room and the fact, that at the moment, you are acting like a 17-year old, or should I say, like a seven year old?” Sam grinned. Michael stroked his arm playfully.

“You’re no fun. I’m not acting like a seven year old.” He muttered. Then he sighed and stood up in a prouder manner. “Alright Mr. Grey, should we move downstairs to enjoy a nice, hot cup of tea?” Michael asked, over doing his British accent. Sam laughed.


Evelyn looked at her son with a smile as he was eating breakfast with Sam. Michael smiled, in a way that she hadn’t seen him smile since she had found him again.

“I don’t know what you did Sam, but what ever it was, it seems to have helped him greatly. Thank you.” Evelyn whispered to him, as Sam was leaving. Sam almost blushed. ‘I had sex with your son.’ He thought, grinning slightly.

Michael came over to him, hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you on Friday my love, I can hardly wait.” He whispered.

“You can’t wait for your surprise.” Sam grinned.

”I’ll wait for you, not the surprise.” Michael told him.

“I’ll be back here, in your arms, before you even have time to realize. Be careful and…”

“Don’t worry Sam, I’m safe here.” He assured. “Just promise that you’ll be careful too Sam, we don’t know where he is.” Michael whispered next. Sam placed his hand on his cheek.

“I am not afraid of him, he, on the other hand should be afraid of me…” They kissed and finally Sam left.


Michael took his sheets from the bed and headed downstairs into the laundry room. “Didn’t you just change your sheets the other day?” Evelyn noticed, when she saw him pushing them into the washing machine. Michael blushed slightly.

“Yes well…” He started and looked at his mother smiling little shyly.

“Wait, I don’t think that I need to know more…” She said suddenly, lifting her hand forward. She was already about to turn and leave, when she then looked at her son once more, and continued. “But I’ll only say one thing, this, your sudden urge to wash your sheets, might mean that you’re feeling a lot better, and I’m very glad of that.” Evelyn told him with a smile, and returned into the kitchen.

Chapter 44.

1.31.2004 Saturday

”Where are you taking me?” Michael asked when they had already been driving for two hours.

“You’ll see soon.” Sam smiled in a secretive manner. They were driving in the countryside, finally reaching a lean sand road that led to the yard of a big and beautiful country house. Sam drove the car in front of the house and parked; he opened his seat-belt and turned to look at his lover.

“Alright, close your eyes, and do not open them until I say so.” Sam told him, with a smile on his face.

“Um, alright.” Michael replied.

”Wait, let me help you out of the car.” Sam said, got up and circled the car. He opened the passenger side door, took his boyfriends hand in his and helped him out. “Now, promise me that you’ll keep your eyes close?”

“I promise.” Michael smiled.

”And you trust me?” Sam asked.

“I trust you Sam.” Sam placed his own hand to cover Michael’s eyes just in case. Slowly he started to lead him forward. Michael tried to calm down his breathing. “Don’t hold me so tightly.” He asked, a memory of a very remotely same kind of situation tried to make itself known. Sam did as he wished.

“Don’t be scared my love, everything is alright, this is a good surprise.” He whispered with a soothing voice, as they kept on walking on the snowy yard.

Sam looked at his sister, who stood a little farther away, he smiled to her, she returned the smile. Lisa began walking towards them, leading a grand and beautiful animal by her side. Lisa stood in front of the fencing. Sam stood behind Michael and took his hand away from covering his eyes.

“Alright, you can open your eyes now.” Michael sighed with surprise as he looked at the beautiful, black horse in front of him. The horse had a little white star on his forehead. It’s dark black bristle and tail was glimmering in the bright winter sun. Lisa was stroking the animal gently, and smiled warmly at him.

“Sam… What?” He sighed, unable to find the right words.

”He’s yours. I bought him for you.” Sam told him.


”Yes, he has some really odd name, so I thought that you could rename him.” Sam whispered to him, his arms around his waist. Michael turned his head to look at him and then he looked back at the horse. “Go on, you can touch him.” Sam whispered releasing his hold of him. Michael took the few final steps closer to Lisa and the horse.

“Nice to see you Michael, it’s been such a long time.” Lisa smiled to him, Michael smiled back he was too stunned to say a word. Lisa took his hand and placed on the animal’s side. Michael stroked him gently.

Sam came behind him.

“So, do you like him?” He asked, looking at his boyfriend’s smiling face.

“Oh, Sam you’re so crazy, but I love you, thank you so much. I still can’t believe that you bought a horse for me. You’re just kidding me, are you? You’re going to take him away?” Michael asked looking at him.

“No, of course not. The horse is yours. Lisa will take good care of him, and you can come here to see him anytime you like.” Sam told him.

“You and my brother are welcome to spend nights here, when ever it suits you.” Lisa confirmed. Michael looked at her with a smile, only now realizing that this beautiful house and state was Lisa’s and her family’s home. He could almost imagine how the scenery would look like at summer time, and he was sure that it would be breath taking.

“Come inside when you’re finished here.” Lisa said to them both and then turned her eyes on Michael. “You have yet to meet with my husband and my son Joshua.” She said to him.

“Thank you Lisa we’ll be there soon.” Was Sam’s reply to her.

“Well, have you thought of a name yet?” Sam asked.

“Hm…I think that I’m going to name him; Irish Devlin.” Michael decided.

“Devlin?” Sam asked.

”It means fierce and brave.” Michael grinned.

“Brave he may be, but fierce? I do not think so, I wouldn’t have bought you a fierce horse, one that could throw you from its back. After all, I do plan to have you around, for good many years my love.” Sam said wrapping his arms around him from behind.

“But Devlin it is, he is brave.” Michael told him, turned his head and kissed his lovers lips.

“Would you like to try riding?” Sam asked.

Michael looked at the horse and then back at him, still finding it hard to believe that this horse was truly his now.

“Yes, I’d like to try, if I can?”

Michael answered, feeling a bit nervous. He wondered if he could ride anymore, after so many year. Sam helped him onto the horses back, and then held on to bridles. Sam lead the horse inside the fences.

“Would you like me to lead him at first?” Sam asked.

“I’m not a little child Sam, I’ll try it for myself, just a little while.” Michael said, and took the reins from Sam. He urged the horse to move, into steady walking. It felt great to ride a horse once again, and at the same time it felt odd, but he hadn’t forgotten, he remembered perfectly, it all came back to him, almost as if he had rode a horse just yesterday. Sam leaned against the fence looking at his boyfriend with a smile. Michael looked so incredible handsome, his posture so vigorous, so elegant. Looking at him, you would have never believed that it had been over six years since the last time that he had sat on a horses back.

Finally Michael rode back to him, and got off from the horses back. His cheeks were slightly red and his eyes were shinning brightly.

“Oh, it felt great!” He breathed out.Sam took a hold of the reins and kissed him.

“You look happy, the best gift that I could ever get.” Sam whispered.

“I am, now, today, I feel really happy.” Michael whispered back, a little surprised that he truly felt that way.

“Alright lets take Devlin back to the stables.” Sam said. Michael nodded his head and kissed his boyfriend once more on the lips.


Later that night, they were driving towards London.

“Where are we going now?” Michael asked.

“It’s a surprise as well.” Sam grinned. ”More surprises? You are spoiling me Sam.” Michael said.

“Yes, but you deserve to be spoiled.” They drove in front of a two stored house, with quite big front yard. Located just outside London. Sam was about to open his mouth, when Michael guessed.

“Let me guess; I have to keep my eyes close until you say otherwise?” He asked with a grin.

“Right you are love, you are a quick learner, aren’t you?” Sam smiled and got up from the car, once again he helped his lover to get up as well. “And remember…” Sam started.

“No peeping, I remember.” Michael smiled, eyes closed.

They walked inside the house. They were greeted by a delicious smell of food. Sam lead him forward.

“Alright, open your eyes.” He whispered. They stood in the dining room, in front of beautifully decorated dining table. There was a fire burning in the fireplace.

“Bonsoir, Monsieur.” The familiar female voice welcomed them. Michael turned to look at the direction of the voice and saw Kitty standing at the kitchen doorway; she was smiling brightly at him.

“Kitty!” Michael called and hurried to give her a hug. “You’re here too!” He stated with joy.

“Of course, I couldn’t live without Sam, well not too far away from him that is, so I moved back to London. I was beginning to get bored of Paris anyways, I missed home.” Kitty smiled.

“What about your boyfriend?” Michael asked.

“Well after thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that you can always find new boyfriend, but friends like you and Sam, aren’t so easy to find.”

“Can I get a hug as well?” Michael recognized the voice instantly.

“Tony what on earth?” Michael asked, still smiling, Tony came closer and hugged him tightly.

“Sam asked me to help, so I came. We have been shopping all day with this lovely lady, and now are serving supper for you.” Tony explained. Michael thought that all this was weird, wonderful, but weird at the same time.

Sam lead him to sit in front of the table and sat opposite from him. Tony and Kitty served the supper for them and then sat down with them. Kitty sat next to Michael, and Tony next to Sam.

“Who’s house is this?” Michael asked then and tasted his wine.

”It’s ours.” Sam answered and smiled to him.

“Ours?!” Michael asked almost choking to his wine.

”Yes, yours and mine. It does need some work though. Some repairs have to be made in the living room and in the other bathroom. And we also need to get some new furniture. The work here will start on monday.” Sam told him. Michael looked at him, still not quite understanding. Then he looked at Tony who smiled back at him gently.

“Sam, I-I don’t have any money, not to a place like this.” Michael said quietly, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“But I have, and what is mine is also yours. I like this place, it’s beautiful, there’s quite big back yard, we can plant some flowers at spring, and it’s in a perfect location. So what do you think darling? If you don’t like it, then…” Sam started.

“No Sam, I love this place, I do, I just, I had no idea…” Michael looked at his boyfriend, feeling a rush of emotions going through him. Sam had already gave him so much, and now this? How could Sam love him so much? After all, he was nothing but a whore…

Kitty noticed his _expression and took his hand in hers.

“Don’t you think for one second that you wouldn’t deserve this. You’ll be so happy here, the two of you.” Kitty whispered and smiled to him. Michael looked at her and smiled back, he was afraid that he was just dreaming and soon he would wake up, back in his old horrible life.

“Thank you Kitty.”

It was time for the desert; raspberry chocolate cake, Michael’s favorite. Michael noticed, that Tony and Kitty were devouring their own pieces. He looked at Sam rolling his eyes, and gesturing to the way that the other two were eating, Sam only smiled back, seeming somehow oddly nervous.

Tony stretched his arms after he had finished eating.

“What do you say Katherine, fancy a bit of fresh air?” Tony asked, looking at the woman.

“That sounds good to me, let’s go.” Kitty said, almost jumping up from the table. Michael looked after them in confusion as they quickly left the room.

“What’s up with them, I wonder?” He said out loud and then looked at Sam, who stared back at him. Sam seemed a bit pale, his eyes never leaving his. “What’s wrong hon? Are you feeling okay?” Michael asked with worry. Was Sam shaking?

Just as Michael was about to reach up to touch him over the table, Sam stood up, clearing his throat. He circled the table, approaching his seat. He knelled in front of him, taking his hand in his.

”Sam, um, what are you doing?” Michael asked with insecure. Sam looked at him, clearing his throat once again.

“Listen, I love you, more than anything in this world. I never knew that I could fell like this towards someone… Back when… when you were missing and I thought that you might die, was the most painful time of my life. I don’t know how I would have survived it if you had died. In fact I don’t think that I would have… I mean, I can’t even began to describe how I feel towards you, how deep my love goes for you. All I can say, is that I love you today, tomorrow and forever, you and no other, and there for…” Sam’s hand was shaking as he searched the small box from his pocket. He held out a golden engagement ring. “…I’m offering this ring for you, in hopes that you’ll take it, and that you allow me to place it on your ring finger, as a sign that we have promised to spend the rest of our lives together. So the question is; will you be mine? Will you share the reast of your life with me Michael?”

Michael looked at him, then at the offered ring and then back at Sam. He was trembling, he wanted to laugh and he wanted to cry, he was momentarily lost for words. He lifted his hand to cover his mouth. Sam looked at him, starting to feel even more nervous, was Michael turning him down or what?

“You want me?” Michael asked finally, tears in his eyes. He had dreamed about this, countless of times, but after all what had happened to him, he had already resigned to the thought that no one would never want him, that no one would never love him this much; so much that they would want to spend a lifetime with him.

“Silly, of course I want you, how could I not want you?” Sam whispered. Michael leaned down to capture his lips, they hugged each others tightly. “I haven’t heard your answer yet?” Sam reminded him.

“My answer is yes, a definite yes, I love you Sam, you and no other.” Michael whispered, tears falling down, a smile on his lips. Sam took his hand and slipped the ring to his finger. They kissed again with passion and need.

“Can we please come in? I can’t take this any longer.” Kitty asked from the doorway tears in her eyes, smile on her lips. Sam and Michael nodded their heads. Kitty rushed to them, and not knowing which of them to hug first, she hugged them both at the same time. Tony had followed her into the room. Michael looked at him, smiling. Tony smiled back at him and approached them carefully. Michael stood up. They looked at each others, until Tony closed the distance between them, and pulled him into a warm hug.

“Congratulation, you two will be very happy.” Tony whispered.

“Thank you Tony.” Michael whispered back. Tony released his hold of him, trying to smile. He knew that he should be happy for Michael, and he was, but at the same time he felt himself strangely melancholy. He knew that he would get over it, maybe he was just scared of loosing his best friend again, although his engagement with Sam didn’t mean that he would.


Later at night Michael and Sam were left alone into their new home.

“Lets go to bed honey?” Sam asked. Michael nodded his head and they headed towards the stairs. When they reached the steps, Sam captured his lover in his arms, lifting him up.

“What are you doing?” Michael laughed.

“I’m carrying my fiancé, my one and only love upstairs to our bedroom.” Sam told him simply and stated slowly climbing up the stairs.

“You’re heavier then you look.” Sam took note as reached halfway of the stairs.

“Sam you’re only breaking your back, put me down, I’m not some woman after all.” Michael laughed.

“No…I- I’m carrying you all the way up… on the bed.” Sam was able to breathe out.

“You’re my superman.” Michael laughed.

Sam laid him gently on the bed and then fell right next to him. He was trying to catch his breath.

“Oh gods, don’t you expect me to do that every night…”

“You’re so silly, my dear silly man.” Michael laughed, snuggled close to his body and kissed his lips. “My silly man, who’s strong like bull.” He whispered. Sam smiled, wrapped his arms around him and kissed him.

“I thought that we would spend this night here, but as for proper living… Well, we have to wait until the work here is done, before we can move in. We can either stay at my parents’ house or yours during that time.” Sam told him.

“I’d like to stay at my parents’ house, I feel safe there, plus I would like to spend more time with them, after all we lost so many years together.” Michael whispered.

“Alright, I can understand that perfectly.”

They wrapped themselves under the blanked, close to each others. It was still quite cold in the apartment , and so they had to take extra blankets to keep warm. Michael was admiring the golden ring on his finger.

“Are you happy?” Sam asked.

“Yes, I am, are you?”

“I am, extremely happy.” Sam answered. Michael looked at him, a thoughtful _expression on his face.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking, that I’m very lucky that I have you. I’m wondering what I did to deserve your love.” Michael whispered.

“You you would deserve so much more Michael, you deserve to be spoiled and pampered. I’m the lucky one for having your heart.”

Michael moved his fingers through Sam’s soft hair.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” He asked with a quiet voice.

“Doesn’t what bother me?” Sam asked.

“That I’ve been a whore and the things that they did to me… I mean, I know that there’s not many men that would still want me as their lover, not if they would knew the truth about my past…And well, our life’s will never be quite normal anymore, not the way it was last summer anyway.” Michael was still playing with Sam’s hair.

“You’re not a whore, you never were, a victim yes, but not a whore, not in my eyes. I love you Michael, nothing can ever change that. I’m just happy that you’re here, by my side, I don’t need anything else.” Sam leaned to kiss him, Michael wrapped his leg around him. He felt content, he felt loved.


Jean sat in front of a table, of a dimly lighted room, he lift the whiskey bottle up to his lips, drinking with never ending thirst of alcohol. His friend was passing back and forth; the sound of his boots hitting on the wooden floor, just irritated Jean.

“Patrick, for fucks sake sit down! Your driving me insane.” He snarled, looking angrily at the man. Finally the long desired silence. Jean drank some more. Looking at the picture in his hand, he ran his finger on top of it, almost lovingly.

“I’ll come for you chéri, soon we’ll be together, don’t you worry my love…” He whispered with drunken voice.

“What the fuck are we going to do Jean? I can’t take this, I can’t understand why I let you drag me into this mess.” Patrick sighed and sat down.

“We’re going to go and get him that is what we are going to do.” Jean told him, keeping his eyes on the picture.

“And how are you planning to do that Jean? He’s not in Paris anymore, he’s in England, how are you going to get there without getting caught? You’re crazy if you’ll try it.” Patrick pointed out looking at him; Jean looked back at him and smiled.

“Oh ye of little faith, we’ll get there, we’ll get him, don’t you worry my friend.”

“We? What do you mean we? I’m not sure if I’m ready to risk anymore just to get that whore… Sure he’s pretty, sure he’s sexy, but you can find pretty young men easier then what it takes to get him.” Patrick tried to speak some sense to his friend. Jean leaned closer, and took a hold of his shirt collar.

“I do not want any others Patrick. Do what you will, I am going to have him anyways.” He hissed.

“Alright Jean, just calm down. I’m with you.” Patrick promised. Jean released his hold on him, and immediately Patrick stood up. He took few steps back, looking at his friends closely. Jean sure had changed, he had changed so much that it was beginning to scare him. All this was because of that whore, Patrick thought. So why not let that whore pay for what he had done to his friend?

Chapter 45.

-The roses-


A knock on the door woke him up from the weird but pleasant dream. Michael didn’t want for the dream to end; he pulled the cover up, wrapping himself almost completely under it. He closed his eyes. Another knock.

“Michael, love, are you decent? I’m coming in.” He heard Sam’s voice calling distantly. He couldn’t understand why Sam would be knocking on his door in the middle of the night, asking if he was decent. Wasn’t Sam supposed to be in London?

The door opened, and Michael pulled the cover up to hide his face as the light dazzled his eyes. Surely it was still early? He didn’t want to get up just yet. The steps were nearing the bed.

“Love, its half past eleven, time to wake up.” Sam told him, opening the curtains, bringing more irritating light into the room.

“Mmh…” Michael muttered from under the cover. Sam came closer and pulled the cover down so that he could now see his lovers face. Michael muttered an unclear protest, squeezing his eyes close.

“Wake up, wake up now, or I’ll tickle you to death.” Sam grinned and started to tickle him. Michael was twirling on the bed and laughing.

“No, no, evil person!” He shouted still laughing. Sam stopped and then laid himself down on top of him. He kissed his lover’s soft lips and felt him responding to the kiss.

“I would have wanted to sleep some more you meanie.” Michael muttered and looked at him as if he had just taken away his candy.

“Do you know what time it is?” Sam asked with amused tone.

“I don’t care what time it is, all I care about right now is sleeping and the dream I had, the dream you woke me from, you mean, mean person.” Michael muttered, eyes close, a smile playing on his lips.

“Oh am I really that mean?” Sam asked with a grin, he stroked Michael’s hair gently.

“No, not really.” Michael smiled. “What are you doing here so early, I thought that you’d come later in the evening.” Michael asked sleepily.

“Well your parents are leaving soon and I thought that…” Sam kissed his lips. “…I could come here a bit earlier than planned, so that you won’t have to stay alone for one minute.” Sam kissed his neck. “And the fact that I could get more alone time with you.” Sam smiled, kissed him a bit longer this time and Michael could feel that the ’little Sam’ was beginning to get a bit too eager. After all, it was still early and his parents were walking back and forth in the house while packing their stuff for the weekend. They were leaving to Birmingham to meet his uncle and his family.

“Just calm down Sam, I need to get dressed.” Michael said then and got up from under his boyfriend. Sam let out a small squeak that reminded him of a small puppy. Michael turned to look at him and grinned once he saw his expression; a sad lower lip, big blue eyes wide open, looking so absolutely adorable. Sam squeezed a pillow on his lap.

“Michael, honey, come here, please?” Sam pleaded, looking at his every move very closely.

“Well just look at the time, I wonder how I should dress for today.” Michael wondered out loud, while stretching his arms. He was very aware of the fact that Sam was still looking at him and that he was slightly teasing him by his little morning stretch with nothing but his boxers on. A small voice in the back of his mind started panicking, telling him to cover his body quickly before bad things would happen. Michael stood still for a moment, looked at Sam and then the room surrounding him. He listed to the distant voices of his parents coming from downstairs. ’Everything is alright, they’re not here.’ He told himself, smiled slightly and returned to his task of finding some clothes.

Sam sighed deeply, he kept an eye on his boyfriend and noticed him staying still for a moment, Michael looked at him and then around himself, every muscle in his body slightly tensed. It reminded him of an animal that kept close guard, looking around for a possible danger, in-case it should need to alert the others and then run. He smiled when he saw Michael smiling to himself and returning to his task.

“Guess who owns a new gym in London?” Sam asked then. Michael turned to look at him.

“Really?” He asked.

”Yes, I’ve thought about it for ages, and I think that it was a good place to invest some of my money into, correction; our money. And now it’s easier for me to work at home and spend more time with you. The gym is quite popular and I will keep all the old workers there, so I am not needed there every day to make things work.” Sam explained to him. Michael had only pulled his jeans on and now came to him to give him a long and passionate kiss.

“Well, congratulations to the new owner.” He whispered then, with a smile on his lips. One more kiss and then he walked back over to his wardrobe to find a shirt for himself. Sam sighed deeply and stood up.

“I’ll go downstairs to wait. If I stay here looking at you, the little Sam will start doing the thinking for me, and then we’re in trouble. Did that make any sense what so ever I wonder?” Sam smiled, walked over to him and kissed his neck. Michael looked at him and grinned.

“I’ll come down soon.” Michael told him.

Evelyn closed the front door. She looked at the delivered bunch of roses in confusion; 23 long stem, crimson roses. She looked at the red envelope, which had her sons name on it. The roses weren’t from Sam, because he had just arrived there moments earlier. Then from who could they be? Evelyn wondered.

She walked over to the kitchen and placed the flowers on the kitchen counter. She had a bad feeling about this and so she decided to open the envelope. She felt a bit guilty when doing this, after all the flowers weren’t for her, but she was only thinking about her son’s best interest. Slowly she opened the envelope and took the letter inside. As she started reading, her hands began to shake, she lift her other hand up to cover her mouth.

“Every night I dream of you and every day I think of you. You’re on my mind constantly and I can not get a moment of peace.

I dream that you are here, I imagine you lying next to me on this bed. The taste of your lips, the softness of your naked skin. I want you; I want to taste you, to have you, to ravish you. To see those beautiful eyes as they look up to me in fear, to hear your voice as you ask for me to stop. And still I know that you want. You want the fear, you want the pain, and you live for them. You tease and allure us who are so much beneath your beauty. You’re a tease, a liar… I had the taste of you once, drank the beauty of you, how can I give that up? I yearn for the taste of you Chéri with every fibre of my being. At least now, I know where you are. –Jean-“

“Henry.” Evelyn called for her husband, her voice was trembling. The man walked into the kitchen and the first thing that he noticed, were the roses on the table.

“Does my beautiful wife have some secret admirer that I should worry about?” Henry asked smiling and only then did he see the look on his wife’s face.

“My God Eve, what’s wrong?” He asked, came closer and placed his hand on her shoulder. Evelyn’s face was pale. She handed the letter to him. Henry took it and started reading.

“Fuck.” He cursed out loud after reading. “I swear that I’ll kill that fucking perverted French bastard if he ever again lays a hand on my son.” He spoke, staring at the letter with anger.

Sam walked down the stairs into the kitchen. He looked at the mother of his boyfriend in confusion; she was on the verge of crying. Sam then looked at Mr. Wills, who was holding a letter in his hands, staring angrily at it. Sam saw the roses on the table.

“What’s wrong?” He asked with worry. Henry looked at him, hesitated for a moment and then handed the letter to him. Sam looked at them both briefly before he began to read. “Oh you have got to be shitting me. Why can’t he leave Michael alone! I never thought that I could hate this much.” Sam didn’t know which way to stand. He wanted to strangle the bastard, to kill him slowly and painfully. “This is the last thing that Michael needs right now, just when he was starting to get better.” Sam sighed.

For a moment they were all silent.

“We will not tell him, it is for the best, it is of no use to get him all upset.” Henry spoke then. He took the letter and folded it into his pocket. “I will take this letter to the police today.” He continued. Sam and Evelyn nodded their heads, staying quiet.

“Should we just stay home Henry?” Evelyn asked, looking at her husband.

“Well, if you are going to stay, then Michael is going to suspect that something is wrong. I’ll be here and I’ll take care of him. Tony and Kitty are also coming to spend the night. Michael will be safe with us.” Sam assured her.

“Alright, but you will call if something happens, will you?” Evelyn asked him.

“Of course I will.” Sam promised.

Michael hopped down the stairs. He was in an especially good mood today, not really knowing why. He walked into the kitchen, where his parents and boyfriend already were, they all had a funny look on their faces and they were having a quiet conversation.

“Well what’s wrong with you guys? One could think that someone has just died or something.” He asked with amused tone. He saw the roses on the table and went closer to look at them. “These are very beautiful, did father give you these?” He asked looking at his mother. He smelled one rose and smiled. Evelyn could barely nod, she would have wanted to take the roses from her son’s hands and toss them into the waste-basket.


Sam sat on the couch, Michael laid there on his side, his head resting on his lap and Sam played with his hair gently as they watched TV.

“Sam, would you come over here for a moment, I’d like to have a word with you.” Henry asked just before he and Evelyn had to leave. Michael lifted his head up in surprise and rose to sit.

“Of course Mr. Wills.” Sam said and stood up, Michael stood up after him.

“You can wait here Michael. Sam will return to you shortly, what I have to say only concerns him.” His father spoke.

“What concerns Sam, concerns me as well.” Michael tried to protest.

“It’s alright, just wait there love.” Sam smiled and Michael started to feel slightly irritated. Suddenly he felt himself really young, a child that wouldn’t be included when adults had their talk with each others. But he was a grown man, for goodness sake! He thought to himself frowning. He muttered something that neither Sam nor his father could make any sense out of, and then he sat back down on the couch. Sam followed his father to upstairs. ’What the hell is going on?’ Michael wondered silently.

Sam followed Henry into his study. Henry walked behind his desk and opened one of the drawers. He looked at Sam with serious expression on his face.

“I’m quite worried about that letter, as I’m sure that you are too.” Henry asked holding his other hand inside the opened drawer.

“Yes, I am.” Sam answered, wondering where the conversation was heading.

“The letter that arrived this morning with the roses isn’t the only one. I do not know if I have taken too much freedom in my hands, but I have read my sons mail since he moved back here. All the letters from that man or any others that have looked suspicious, I have taken to the police, thus leaving my son unaware of any danger. There have also been phone calls, which luckily stopped after we changed our phone number, as a private one… Anyway, we do need to be careful, very much so. I have talked with my wife and we both agree that it is best that Michael doesn’t know about this. He has just started to feel better, like you said, and I will not see him unhappy again. It is our job to protect him and now that I am leaving with Evelyn for the weekend, I expect you as his lover to take care of him. I expect you to do what ever it takes to keep him safe and there for…” Henry looked into the drawer and pulled out a hand gun. He handed it to Sam, so that he could look at it closer. “I got it after Christmas, to protect us, if anyone should…” Henry started and looked at Sam, who in return looked at the gun and then back at him. His face had gone pale, but it read understanding.

“Do you know how to use a gun? Have you ever tried it before?” Henry asked.

“Yes, I think I can, my father has taught me.” Sam replied.

“Good. I do hope that we will never have to use it, but if anything should happen, it is good to know that it’s here… And Sam, I ask of you, not to talk about this to my son.” Henry took the gun and placed it back to the drawer.

“I will not tell him Mr. Wills, if that is your wish.” Sam answered. The man smiled at him.

“I do think that it is time for you stop calling me that and start using my first name. As it seems that you and my son will be together for quite some time.” Henry said then, suggesting to the ring on his ring finger.

“Thank you Mr… I mean Henry.” Sam said and smiled back to him. Behind their smile, both men felt the silent fear.


“What did my father say to you?” Michael asked for the third time, since his parents had left. He looked at his boyfriend. Whom lay on his bed reading Donald the Duck.

“Didn’t you say that you had an essay to write? I don’t hear any typing boy.” Sam grinned, turning to look at him. Michael threw a pillow at him.

“What boy am I to you?” He asked laughing.

“A boy is a boy. All boys under 25-year old are boys.” Sam told him.

“Says a man at the ripe age of 27.” Michael raised one of his brows, Sam stuck out his tongue at him.

“Oh that’s so adult of you.” Michael laughed again and turned back on his seat to stare at the computer screen, the white background that had only a few sentences written on it. He had already forgotten how completely boring homework could be. He sighed deeply and tapped the table with his fingers. He wanted to know what Sam and his father had talked about. He glanced over at his boyfriend, who was absorbed with the comic book, he was laughing quietly to something in it.

“Oh that Donald…” Sam sighed between his laugh.

Besides, it was completely wrong that Sam lay there, without a care in the world, reading and laughing, while he had this stupid essay to write. He was supposed to write a book review, from one really silly book. It was the most foolish thing that he had ever read, and him being a busy reader, it was quite lot to be said. It was an autobiography of some woman that Michael had never heard of. It was an outpouring of her hard life, of how everything went wrong for her and how utterly depressed, she was all the time. Her dog died, her first boyfriend was a thief, and her husband ran off with his secretary. The woman hated her job and all in all; life was completely depressing when you didn’t get what you wanted.

Michael shook his head and sighed. ’Oh dear God this book is full of shit…’ He thought. He just couldn’t relate to it, he didn’t care if all of her pets had died, he didn’t care that her daddy didn’t buy her the pony that he had promised, or that her idiotic boyfriend always forgot her birthday. Had any one ever beat her up? No. Had she been forced to sell her own body? No. Had she been raped and almost kill several times? No. So what the fuck was she complaining about? Michael couldn’t understand. He read the few lines that he had managed to write on the screen. “The book was complete rubbish; honestly. She should just get a life, get something to really complain about, or then write something that is not real. This might be good for some late night reading, when you find it hard to get some sleep, although I just find the book in question simply irritating.” What on earth should he write about the book? Obviously he couldn’t return this to his teacher. Perhaps he could just pretend that he was crazy about the book and that he had had multiple brain orgasms when reading it? Michael snickered; yes, perhaps not. Maybe he could praise the construction of words? Michael shook his head and once again looked at Sam.

“What did my father say to you?” He tried again. Sam sighed, placed the book on his stomach and looked at him.

“Alright, he addressed me; ‘Samuel.’ He said. ‘Flowers and bees, you know, or is it a bee and a bee? Lets talk about that Samuel. If one of you should become pregnant, you are using some kind of birth-control, aren’t you?…’ He asked and I told him; ‘Mr. Wills, I’m fairly sure that men, even in this day and era, can’t become pregnant. Although it is true that modern science has made huge progress, but in this, sadly, it has not. But if for some miracle this should happen, I can promise that our child will not born as a bastard. I will make an honest man out of your son.’ ” Sam finished, sounding dead serious. Michael couldn’t help but to laugh.

“You are an idiot, you do realize that, don’t you Sam?” He asked. Sam grinned.

“An Idiot? This was very truthful conversation.” He said then.

“Yes of course, my father is knowingly just that stupid.” Michael smiled and looked at him with one eyebrow raised. Michael stood up and neared the bed, he climbed on top of Sam, one leg each side of him, he kissed Sam’s neck “But what did he really say to you? Tell me honey…please…” He whispered, moving his hips in a seducing manner.

“Is this supposed to be fair?” Sam asked, feeling his cock starting to respond to his lover’s actions.

“Yes, I think that this is fair… Tell me love, if you tell me…” Michael moved his hand on his hips, down on his thigh, almost touching at the front of his jeans, but not quite, he was breathing on Sam’s neck, moving up to his lips with light kisses. His hand still teasing; almost touching Sam’s cock. But only almost. A moan escaped from Sam’s lips. “…Tell me Sam, how badly do you want me to touch you right now?” Michael asked then.

“Oh gods, please…” Sam breathed out and looked at him, Michael smiled.

“Then, just tell me.”

“Oh, I..You evil, evil… Michael…oh god…” Sam was beginning to get desperate, he was rock hard right now. Michael hadn’t played with him like this, not since…

“Tell me.” Michael whispered again, his hand squeezed his organ lightly, before he once again moved it away to touch his inner thigh.

“Okay, okay, your father, um, he said that, uh…” Sam tried to think of something clever which was hard in his current situation. “He warned me of not to hurt you in any way…that uh, if I touch you the wrong way then I would be as good as dead.” Sam was finally able to say. Michael stopped for a moment. That did sound like something his father could have said.

“Oh, I wonder if he meant not having sex with me.” Michael whispered.

“Um, I don’t know, uh maybe…” Sam replied and immediately wished that he hadn’t. What if Michael would now hold the sex card completely down?

“Then we’re sleeping on their bed tonight, having sex too. He can’t tell you not to touch me in that way, you are my fiancé.” Michael said next. Sam didn’t quite understand the logic of his boyfriend, but who was he to refuse having sex on a larger bed? Sam closed his eyes and smiled. So he was going to get some action tonight.

Michael stood up from the bed and Sam groaned from the lost of him.

“I need to go visit the library and you have a car.” Michael said and looked at him sweetly.

“uh, alright, but first I need to take care what of you did to me.” Sam said pointing at his crotch.

“ups, sorry about that… I’ll make it up to you later.” Michael offered.


They arrived to the town library, Michael headed to the instructional book section, to find some books for his history essay.

“I’ll go to see if I could find any good books to read, will you manage on your own?” Sam asked and placed his hand on his shoulder, he looked a bit worried.

“Sam, we’re in a library, I think I can manage just fine.” Michael grinned. “I’ll come to look for you as soon as I’ve found the books.” He added and headed to the history section.

He went through the books, trying to find the right ones, there was one which looked quite promising. He took it and looked at it a bit closer. It had just the information the he was searching for. He heard someone else walking to the section that he was in, he glanced over his shoulder to see who it was; an over weighted, forty something man, who had kind of yellowish hair. The man stared at him with his muddy brown eyes and when the man saw that he was looking back at him, he quickly turned his eyes to the books. Michael felt uncomfortable, he swallowed and returned his eyes back to the books as well. The man seemed to move closer and Michael could feel his eyes on him. His heart was beating fast, he glanced at him feeling nervous and then back to the books. He could recognize that look; the hungry, lusting look. Michael shivered. Why on earth did all the perverts find him? Was there some kind of magnet in him to draw them like fly? Michael shook his head and took few books in his hands.

“Hey boy…” The man whispered, Michael looked at him in disgust, turned and walked away with quick steps. He wanted to find Sam and fast. He hadn’t look where he was walking and bumped into someone. The books fell from his hands onto the floor.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered and knelled down to collect them.

“Troubles again Mikey?” The man, to whom he had just bumped into, asked with amused tone, handing one of the books to him. Michael looked up in surprise.

“Sean?” He asked and looked at his former friend in the eyes.

“I’ve heard rumors that you would have returned. I was already beginning to suspect that they weren’t true because I haven’t seen you anywhere.” Sean said. He looked at Michael’s hand and noticed the ring. He took his hand into a closer look. Michael looked at him, too surprised to move his hand away, even though he didn’t want to be touched so.

“Engaged I see. Who’s the lucky fellow?” Sean asked and released his hand. Both of them stood up from the floor. Michael pulled the books close to his chest and brushed his hair that had fallen to his forehead.

“You don’t know him.“ He answered finally.

“Tony must have been disappointed.” Sean sneered. Michael looked at him furrowing, he felt really uncomfortable. “Don’t get this the wrong way, but it is fairly obvious that Tony has that kind of feeling towards you.” Sean continued, measuring his former friends figure up and down with his eyes.

“Sean, what are you…” Michael started with insecure voice.

“You look good Mikey, really good, as always… Hey, what do you say if we would bury the old war hatchet? Lets be friends again? I was a fool back then, will you forgive me?” Michael was quiet for a minute, thinking of how he should answer. He didn’t feel comfortable with Sean and wondered if he really wanted to be his friend. “So will you?”

“It was along time ago, I have forgiven you.” Michael answered finally.

“Great! So are you coming to the class reunion, it’s two weeks from now?” Sean asked.

“I don’t know,I have to think about it.” Michael said. ”I need to be going.” He added then and tried to move past the other. Sean grasped his arm and Michael breathed out in surprise. The other looked at him with curiosity, a grin played on his lips.

“Are you afraid of me?” Sean asked with amused tone.

“No, of course not.” Michael tried to laugh and pulled his arm free.

“Then why are you shaking?” Sean asked, grinned and raised his brow. Michael was opening his mouth unsure what to reply.

“Here you are.” He heard Sam’s voice from behind him. Sam looked at the other man with suspicion, the man was smiling in a way that he didn’t like. Michael moved closer to him by instinct, as if he was looking for his protection.

“So, this is your boyfriend? Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Sean asked.

“Sam, this is Sean, an old friend from school. Sean this is my fiance Sam.” Michael said with quiet tone of voice.

“Pleased to meet you.” Sean held out his hand, Sam took it, they shook hands.

“Pleased to meet any of Michael’s old friends.” Sam said, although he really didn’t mean it with Sean. He did notice that Michael was not all that comfortable with him. “I think we should get going now.” Sam said next.

“Sure, well, see you again Mike, hopefully at the reunion.” Sean said, winked at him and then turned and left.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Sam wondered with angry tone of voice.

“I really don’t know, he’s always been like that, lets just go.” Michael answered.


Michael came from the shower into his room. He stood in front of his mirror, only a towel wrapped around hs waist. He looked up insecurely; it had been a long time since the last time that he had looked at himself like this, he had been too afraid, he feared that he would hate what he would see. He sighed, looked up, trying to get acquainted with his own body once more.

He tried to look at himself in the way the others saw him. What was it in him, that seemed to draw intention of all the perverts? He stepped closer, studying his own face. He lifted his hand up to touch his face, his cheekbones, down on his cheek, on his neck, he turned his head to the side; searching, wondering. He dimly remembered a time when he had looked at himself from the same mirror, feeling confident, feeling satisfied with what he saw, and now? His face was still the same, a little boyish perhaps? He wondered and turned his head in the other direction. He looked at his naked upper body, touched the muscles of his chest and stomach, his collarbone. Trying to see what others saw. He lifted his eyes up to look at his face again; he couldn’t understand.

“What are you looking at honey?” Sam, who had watched him from the doorway, asked with a smile as he came closer. Michael looked back at him, seeming a bit embarrassed.

“I, well… What’s wrong with me Sam? Why does everybody… Why me?” He started and then looked at the floor. Sam walked behind him, wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his lovers neck softly. He looked at him through the mirror, not sure what to answer.

“Look up.” Sam asked, and Michael did. ”You’re beautiful.” Sam whispered. Michael looked him at the eyes, through the mirror. “You ask why, but I can not tell you. The world is not so easy. Some people go through a lot more than the others, having to endure more difficulties then what they would deserve. Others have it easy. There is nothing wrong with you Michael, remember that… You’re not blaming yourself anymore, are you?” Sam asked and Michael shook his head faintly.

“Not anymore, at times I do, but… Therapy has helped me.” He said and smiled carefully. He turned and kissed his boyfriends lips gently. “I’ll put some clothes on.” He whispered.


Later that night Tony and Kitty arrived. Kitty and Sam were talking in the kitchen and Michael made pizza in the kitchen with Tony.

“I saw Sean today.” Michael told him while peeling the onions.

“Oh, Where did you see him?” Tony asked, took the paprika and started washing it.

“I bumped into him in the library, I mean literally.” Michael said, looked at him and smiled slightly.

”So did you two talk?” Tony asked carefully.

“Only a few words. He seemed somehow odd to me…” Michael said quietly and the continued. “He asked if I would come to the reunion.”

“And? What did you say? Are you coming? I would like it if you would.” Tony asked.

“I have to think about it, I’m a bit scared. What if everyone hates me? I wonder if I even know how to talk to them anymore.” Michael took the knife and started chopping the onions.

“No one hates you. Besides I’d be there with you the whole time. It could be fun, like the old times.” Tony said looking at him with hope. Michael glanced him and smiled.

“Perhaps… If you promise not to leave me alone with them.” He asked, Tony touched his shoulder.

“Of course I wouldn’t.”

“Damn these onions, they always make me cry.” Michael spoke after a long moment spend in silence, he wiped the tears away from his eyes. Sam came into the kitchen followed by Kitty.

“Why is my baby crying?” Sam asked, walked behind him and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed Michael’s neck. Michael laughed softly.

“Sam we have guests, besides, you shouldn’t sneak up on people holding a knife.” He said, but turned his head anyway and kissed Sam’s lips. Tony looked at them, feeling slightly uncomfortable, although it might have been jealousy that he really felt.

“Oh god, there they go again.” Kitty sighed with a smile, she looked at Tony and shook her head. “You see what I have been forced to endure? Thank God I’m not the third wheel anymore, so this is not that uncomfortable.” She laughed then and Tony smiled gently to her.

Later they sat in the living room, watching tv, chatting and drinking some beer and wine. Tony looked at Sam and Michael with interest. Michael was leaning his head against Sam’s chest, half laying in his arms, Sam’s legs either side of his body. Sam was drinking his beer and stroking Michael’s hair gently. Tony, who hadn’t never done anything except kissed with another man, was starting to feel even more curiosity to try something more with someone. Sam and Michael looked somehow so natural with each others. The way that they were close, the way that they touched each others, there was nothing odd about it; they belonged to each others, completed one another. Tony thought and noticed that he was smiling to himself. Michael and Sam were meant for each other, you could see it when looking at them like this. But still, there would always be that little voice in his head asking; What if? If things had gone differently, would he and Michael have been happy together as lovers? ‘What if?’ Tony wondered, took a gulp of his beer and then shook his head. It was too late to think about that now.


Michael undressed his shirt and looked at Sam, smiling. He continued by undressing his shoes and jeans. He climbed on the bed, next to his lover. Strong, but gentle hands wrapped around his lean figure and lifted him up to sit on his lovers warm lap. Michael wrapped his legs around Sam’s stronger body, and kissed his neck softly. He felt Sam’s hands moving on his back, drawing him even closer to the warm body. They kissed. Michael could feel Sam’s erection against his own and moaned.

“Lets take off the rest?” Sam suggested quietly. Michael nodded, stood up for a moment and undressed himself naked. Sam lifted his hips and undressed his boxers he tossed them somewhere on the floor with the rest of his clothes.

Sam laid on the bed on his back taking Michael’s hand in his. Michael moved carefully, he sat on Sam’s hips, one leg each side. He leaned in to continue the kiss that had been interrupted. Michael felt his own heart beating fast, he felt slightly tense and at the same time he enjoyed the feeling of Sam’s touch on his naked body. He wanted more.

“Sam, if you want to, then the answer is yes.” He whispered, when he felt Sam’s hands caressing his buttocks. Sam looked at him and touched his face.

“Are you absolutely sure?” He asked. Michael smiled and nodded carefully.

“Maybe you can make me whole again.” He whispered and kissed his neck and then his lips. When the kiss ended, Michael looked around the room, he got up and went to get a body-lotion from his mothers dressing table. “I think this will do.” He smiled, blushing slightly. His father would most likely have a heart attack if he would ever find out what they had done on their bed.

Sam guided Michael gently to lay on his back on the bed. He took some lotion in his hands and looked at his face once more with a question.

“You don’t have to do this Michael, I hope you know that?” He asked.

“I know, but I want to try if…” Michael whispered and his cheeks went slightly red again. He didn’t know why he had started to blush so much lately, he didn’t like it, it was embarrassing to be blushing like a little girl. Sam smiled, kissed his forehead and brought his hand between his opened legs. He used generous amount of the lotion to prepare him. Took some more of it and very gently pushed his first finger inside. He looked at Michael’s face the whole time, and felt how he reached to take his free hand in his.

“How does this feel?” Sam asked, moving his finger in and out slowly. Michael looked at him calming down his breathing.

“It feels good.” He whispered, and Sam added a second finger.

“I hope that I’m not hurting you? Say if I am?” Sam asked.

“No, it doesn’t hurt.” Michael assured and looked at the blue eyes of his lover. He felt himself oddly calm, and smiled slightly. Sam added a third finger and Michael flinched slightly. “It’s alright Sam, you can continue.” He hurried to assure when Sam looked at him with worry.

Sam prepared him long and carefully. He reminded himself that this was not the time to be thinking about his own pleasure, but rather concentrate on his lover’s. This time would be important for the future and it needed to be as gentle as possible. Finally he spread the lotion on his hard member and positioned himself against his lovers opening.

“Is this alright?” He asked, Michael nodded. Sam moved in slowly, he kissed Michael’s lips. He stopped moving once he got all the way in, giving Michael some time to get used to the feeling of him. His first movements were slow, he close his eyes for a second enjoying the feeling of closeness. Michael wrapped his legs around him tightly, he kissed Sam’s shoulder, then his lips, he was smiling.

“What are you smiling about?” Sam asked, with a smile of his own.

“Feel so good, it doesn’t hurt.” Michael whispered with wider smile. It really felt incredible, he had been afraid that he could never do this again and that… He pulled Sam even closer to himself, they were one again and it felt so right.

Afterwards they laid on the bed holding each others.

Michael laid his head against Sam’s neck, his left hand rested on Sam’s chest and he looked at the golden ring on his finger with a smile. He felt so safe there, he felt so happy. He took Sam’s left hand in his and kissed it. The golden ring glimmered on his finger as well. ‘Sam is so wonderful and he’s mine.’ Michael thought happily and felt a gentle hand playing with his hair. Sam kissed the crown of his head and breathed in the sent of his hair. Come what ever devil that may, but he would protect and save his angel from it. Sam thought, smiled and close his eyes. Finally they both fell a sleep, arms still around each others.

Web published: My Secret Shore