The clock was ticking and keeping him awake, frustrated, he turned to lie on his back, staring at the ceiling in the darkness of the room. He didn’t feel sleepy, he could have stayed up all night, he would have wanted to stay up all night and party. Sighing, Joni searched for his cell phone to check the time; 1:50 am. The green light of the phone suddenly seemed too bright and he hid it under his blanket, checking if his friend was still asleep.
The quiet snoring coming from the nearby bed told him that he was and once again Joni found himself staring at the ceiling. It felt odd spending the night at Dima’s house, but after the party, they had been to, he didn’t want to go home either, and since Dima had suggested it… Well, he had also hoped to maybe see Misha, but to his disappointment, the older boy wasn’t home yet, and it was also a reason which kept him awake.
Where was he? Clubbing? Spending the night at some guy’s place? Maybe he had a boyfriend now? Not that Joni would let a small detail like this stand in his way.
Again he cursed the fact that he was seventeen, what a stupid age it was; they made one pay for everything like an adult, child support had stopped and one had only stupid house parties to go to, AND one needed a parent’s signature on every stupid document. His eighteenth birthday was still almost eight months away and it sucked, majorly.
Again he thought about his little plan of seduction, he would have to be patient, and in the end, he would win. He almost snickered then, his father would have been proud if he spent half as much energy on his homework as he did with his plotting.
Again he sighed, feeling bored, no matter what he couldn’t fall asleep. Finally, he decided to get up and get some water from downstairs. He stood carefully from the bed made for him on the floor, sneaking quietly out of the room, though he knew that it was unlikely that anything would wake his friend, who seemed to be fast asleep.
Misha had had the best date in months. Mikael was easy to talk to, he was a nice dancer and… there had even been some groping, there would have been something more if Mikael hadn’t had work the next day and even now, Misha admitted he stayed out clubbing far too late for his early day.
Well, there would always be the next time, Misha thought as he made his way home. Maybe Mikael would be worth trying? Even as a boyfriend? He was intelligent enough, handsome, and…well overall interesting.
Thinking of getting himself some snack and maybe another beer before bed, he made his way into the kitchen and to his surprise, when switching on the light, he saw the brat.
What the hell was the boy doing in their kitchen wearing only… tank top and boxers, hugging his slim well-sculpted figure… The brunet looked back at him with a grin, holding a glass of water, leaning against the counter.
”Shouldn’t kids be home now? Sleeping in their beds, in their teddy bear pajamas?” Misha asked calmly, raising his eyebrow.
”Kids perhaps should be,” The Finn answered with a somewhat playful tone, ”But in case you failed to notice, I am not a little kid anymore,” he smiled ”…and your brother invited me here.” Misha stared at him quietly for a while, watched as the boy brought the glass of water to his lips, and drank.
”A wild night?” He asked then, almost innocently.
Misha looked at him carefully, going as far as even walking closer and taking a closer look he smirked.
”All I see is a kid, and what I did is not for kids’ ears,” he said, going to the fridge and taking a bottle of beer, feeling somewhat satisfied with himself.
The boy frowned, quickly hiding the trace of annoyance Misha thought he saw flashing in those amber-brown eyes.
”Say I’m just a kid,” the boy spoke slowly, smiling at him and walking closer without a hurry. Standing now in front of him, close enough to touch. He looked up to meet with Misha’s eyes, ”but let me assure you, that for a ’kid’ I know a lot more than you can even imagine… and I know that you see more than just a kid in front of you.”
Misha narrowed his eyes, he had to will himself not to look down at the boy’s body, unwilling to admit the truth of his words, unwilling to play this game that the boy seemed to be playing. Composing himself he leaned forward and sniffed.
”Yes, I see you more than just a kid, I see you like a drunk kid who should be at home and sleeping and not trying to hit on me.” He smiled and gently patted his head. ”Listen … I don’t know what you’re trying to play but you might get burnt. And I’m not talking about myself; if you go on offering yourself to people like that, someone might take advantage of that.”Misha took a step back and opened the bottle, smiling as he looked at the brunet’s pretty face.
Again there was that brief flash of annoyance in those impossibly beautiful eyes. Brown eyes were common perhaps, but not so common in the north and this amber shade Misha didn’t remember seeing on anyone else before.
”You seem to think highly of your-” Joni started, partly using Misha’s own words from before, stopping just as he had, and he smiled, almost sweetly, ”-charms, I see.” He finished.
”I merely wanted to have a conversation with you, the brother of my friend, but I can see that it’s a lost cause…” Joni sighed and turned to leave, walking slowly, without a hurry back to Dima’s room.
The brat was annoying like hell and Misha sighed with exasperation. With an attitude like that, it was just a matter of time before he would manage to annoy the wrong person.
Going to his room, Misha’s mind was still very focused on the boy, so much so that he forgot how much fun he had had on his date. He couldn’t understand how the brunet managed to piss him off so easily and how he managed to make him forget everything else.
Joni was playing some sort of game with him, a game of annoyance perhaps? He wondered but decided that whatever it was, he would not allow the brat to have the victory that he was seeking.
Joni looked at the ID in his hands, the ID of Julius Saari, one of his friends, age twenty. It had been very nice of Julius to let him use it. And… he looked at the picture, hm, well Julius had dark hair as well and he was OK looking, Joni just hoped that the doorman wouldn’t compare their faces too closely…
It was Friday night and his obsession had led him to this, if he wasn’t old enough for clubs, he would just cheat that he was. But he couldn’t possibly win this game if he couldn’t go to places that Misha could.
Dressed up for a party, he arrived at the club where he knew Misha would be. At the door, as the doorman was checking his ID, he smiled at him, full of confidence and it worked. The man seemed more interested in looking at him than at the picture on the ID, so he smiled back.
”Ok, you can go in,” the man said and Joni, again, felt quite proud of himself.
He hadn’t been inside for long when he got company, a man in his thirties; tall, dark, and masculine; a fantasy of many bottoms Joni guessed, not at all his type and much too old for his taste. But for his game, the man was just right. He could play with him for a short time, just long enough for it to serve his purpose.
So he accepted the man’s offer to sit with him, he accepted when the man wanted to buy drinks for him. Joni could guess that by doing so the man would probably think that he was going to get some easy ass by the end of the night, but he didn’t care, the man would just have to be disappointed. Meanwhile, the idiot could just continue spending his money on him.
Joni scanned the dance floor, in hopes of seeing Misha somewhere, the man next to him was stroking his thigh, looking creepily at him.
”You’re very sexy…” he murmured to his ear and Joni grinned at him knowingly.
”Thank you,” he answered before drifting his gaze back to the dance floor.
And finally, he saw him, he saw them and they were dancing. Joni looked at the guy Misha was with; slim, brown hair, shorter than Misha… Joni didn’t see anything special, sure the guy was… okay enough, some might have called him handsome, but in Joni’s mind the world was filled with such guys, okay guys, he would have expected something more. But on the other hand, this was perfect, he felt surer, he knew he was better looking, he knew he was more than the guy that Misha was dancing with, hell, he could even dance better!
”Want to dance, gorgeous?” The idiot beside him asked as if finally having received the message that his companion’s attention was somewhere else entirely
”Yes,” Joni answered, without as much as giving a second look at the man. And Joni stood, walking towards the dance floor with the man in tow.
The man took his arm, turned him around when reaching their destination and Joni smiled. He had already forgotten the name of this stranger, nor did he have any wish to learn it, after all, he would not see him after this night.
Listening to the beat of the music, he started dancing. He was good at it, after practicing show dance for six full years. He had given up on attending regular rehearsals when he started high school, feeling that he simply didn’t have enough time between everything else; studying, meeting friends, modeling, and other exercises. However, from time to time he still practiced the choreographs he had learned, combining them with other training, the skill would be maintained if he ever started the hobby again.
He smiled at the look that the unnamed man was giving him; pure hunger. The glint in his eyes told him what he was after, and silently, in his mind, Joni laughed; he would never give it.
He felt nothing towards the man that was his dance partner, he never could, but if the man was stupid enough to think otherwise then why correct him? Let him have his fantasy because it would be all that he would take home with him.
But then the stranger’s hands became too familiar with his body and Joni hated it, he hated his touch on himself, but he allowed it. Allowed it because it still made him feel sexy and he wanted Dima’s brother to see that he was wanted, he wanted him to see what could be, wanted him to see that he was better than whoever the guy was that he was currently dancing with.
Misha had decided to take Mikael out that night, to the same club that they had been before and this night, this night would be THE night. He knew Mikael wanted it just as much, yes, they could have gone to Mikael’s place straight away, but this… was much more exciting… Building up the heat, the need.
They got to Misha’s usual stall, separated from the rest of the crowded room, allowing them more than just a small talk, should they feel like it later. They had been talking, flirting, looking at each other with a promise of what they night could hold for them.
It was Mikael who finally suggested the dancing, and Misha consented, taking the other’s hand, leading him to the dance floor, starting the sensual dance, the first part of the foreplay. Innocent touches that weren’t really that innocent and Misha smirked at his companion, bringing him closer, touching him bolder, almost ready to whisper that maybe they should…
That was when he saw Joni, dancing with some guy, no, a man, much older man… The brat must have been crazy, Misha thought, seeing the way that the man was looking at him, the way he was touching him. The boy would get himself in trouble. How had he even gotten inside?!
Misha wasn’t sure when he had stopped dancing, maybe when the man that Joni was dancing with, had started to… really grope him…
”Something wrong?” Mikael asked, touching his arm, looking at him worried.
”That kid…” Misha muttered, getting angry, ”that’s my brother’s friend and classmate, how he got in here, I don’t know, but he’s going to get himself in trouble, look,” Misha pointed with his head.
”Oh, pretty,” Mikael noticed.
”Oh stupid,” Misha added immediately. ”In a moment he’ll get raped if he isn’t careful. Shit, I hate that kid, I told him to be careful!” He snarled, taking a deep breath before looking at Mikael. ”Sorry Miki, I just…I feel responsible because he’s my brother’s friend…” It was only a half truth.
In all honesty he felt responsible because he had managed to annoy the boy. Obviously Joni had some sort of crush on him and he was trying to make him jealous. ”I think I should keep an eye on him.”
Joni wasn’t really enjoying the dance, not when the man was beginning to get more eager. He was squeezing his ass rather forcefully.
”You have an amazing ass,” he whispered, ”damn.”
Joni tried to laugh it off, ”easy there, big boy,” he grinned, pulling away as much as he could. The man was eyeing him oddly, with a look that made him feel more uncomfortable.
”Oh, you sweet, naughty boy”, the man breathed with hunger in his eyes as he gazed at him. In a normal situation, Joni would have left right there and then, but that was when he saw Misha looking at him. So he forced himself to smile at the man, he forced himself to stay.
”You want to leave here? We could go to my place to dance?” The man asked. Joni shook his head, the suggestion was clear and the mere idea repulsed him.
”I like it here,” he said, pretending oblivious.
Misha stopped dancing, so he had noticed!
”Then let me buy you another drink, it’s rather hot,” the man said next, and glancing one last time at Misha’s direction Joni agreed. The man took his hand and led him back to the table, telling him to wait until he would get back with the drinks. Joni hardly listened, he was far too busy with questions if it worked. Would it work? And where had they gone to?
A small voice inside of him was questioning why he was doing this, what really was the point? What did he want to prove? Why was it so important to get the attention of his friend’s brother if he had no intention of going through with it. Or… was that his intention, really? Not to go through with it -He wondered. But didn’t want to ponder it any further, far too involved with his own game and the idea of winning it. Whatever winning meant.
”Here you go, gorgeous,” the man was back with his drink, ”hope you like this, a special drink for a special guy…” Joni hardly heard him, he didn’t care about the man, he was still looking around, not able to locate where Misha had gone. Maybe they had left? His mood lowering with the thought, he took a sip of the drink brought to him.
”I don’t really like sweet drinks like this,” he decided to tell the man.
”Alright, drink that up baby and I’ll get you a beer next,” the man promised, taking a sip from his own glass. Joni took another longer sip and grimaced, after drinking half of the contents, he decided that it was enough, he didn’t like the taste, it even made him feel slightly nauseous.
And it didn’t take long, next it was his vision that started to blur, he blinked in hopes of seeing more clearly, but it didn’t work, in fact it was just getting worse, he looked around, seeing everything around him in two, in odd dream like blur, his hands were resting against the table, his heartbeat increased, his head was pounding and even the music started to sound strange. He shook his head, but it didn’t help anything either.
”Are you feeling alright baby?” The man asked, looking amused. Joni realized that he was in trouble, he realized that he needed to get away from the man before he would feel even worse, before he couldn’t move on his own.
”I-I have to go home,” he managed to blurt out with a shaky voice. He stood up with an effort, his legs already trembling, his body getting out of his control, he was beginning to panic. He looked around, in the direction where he remembered the front door was, he would get into a taxi and go home, but he needed to do this fast.
He started to walk, swaying on his feet, feeling drunker than he had ever felt in his life and he knew, he knew why and he felt scared. He was losing control and his mind was getting foggy, he couldn’t think clearly.
”Let me help you sweetheart,” The man was right next to him, taking his arm, supporting him, leading him outside and as much as Joni wanted to protest his body didn’t listen and the words didn’t leave his mouth.
”My boyfriend drank a bit too much, you know how these youngsters can be,” he heard him explaining with a laugh, vainly Joni tried to pull his arm free of the hold but couldn’t.
And then they were outside,
”Don’t…” Joni tried, as the man was now pulling him more harshly, ”I want- I want to go h-home.”
”Don’t worry love, I’ll get you home, the car is right over here,” Joni started to sob, he couldn’t get away, his body wasn’t listening the way it was supposed to and the man was dragging him towards where he didn’t want to go.
Misha felt annoyed, it was supposed to be a nice evening with more than just groping and a hand job! Now he was pissed off with the brat’s stupidity, he saw him drinking a drink that the man had gotten him, without realizing that the old lecher was looking at him like… Like a piece of meat!
Misha had led Mikael back to the table and apologized for the interruption, but he was told that Mikael understood. They sat at the table, trying to continue their conversation, while every once in a while Misha checked on Joni. He was sure that he would break the brat’s legs if he would ever see him at their home again, for ruining his date.
He wasn’t sure how many times he had already leaned out of the stall to check, but the next time he did, he noticed that they were gone and nowhere to be seen.
”Shit,” Misha cursed, looking at Mikael, ”they left, that bratty idiot was just asking for it… dammit!” He felt upset and… worried.
”Look, if it bothers you so much, why don’t we go out and check? I can check the toilets and other stalls, you get outside?” Mikael suggested to which Misha nodded.
Misha made his way towards the exit after getting his coat, for a brief moment he thought about the possibility of not finding Joni in time and this made him worry even more. Okay so the brat was annoying, but he didn’t want him to vanish either, not like this. And the man that he had been with was up to no good.
It was dark and cold outside, the music quieter now; he looked around frantically and after a long moment he saw them in the distance, standing close to a car, the man having a hold of the brat and… Misha quickened his steps, almost running and when he got closer he could hear the kid’s sobbing, see the faint efforts to get away from the man that was trying to get him inside the car.
”Any problems here?” He asked casually once close enough.
”There’s no problem,” the man quickly assured, ”he just drank too much, going to help him home, it’s alright.”
”Home… I want home…” The kid spoke with a shaky voice.
”Yes, I’ll get you home sweetheart, just get into the car,”
Misha narrowed his eyes, this ’sweetheart’ that the man used made him overly worried.
”Do you know where he lives? And that he’s just seventeen? Why did you buy him drinks?” Misha demanded, coming closer still, catching the boy’s arm. ”Oi, Joni,” He called, ”are you OK?”
Joni shook his head, swaying in his feets, seeming disoriented.
”Don’t …feel… good…it’s… blurry…” He managed to breathe out.
”Really, there’s no problem, I was just trying to help him get home,” the man said quickly, still seeming reluctant to let go of the boy.
Misha raised his eyebrow, blurry? Joni had been OK only 10, maybe 15 minutes ago and now he could hardly stand, or hardly speak, quite out of it. No one would get in this state so quickly after just one drink, even if it was strong vodka!
”What the hell did you give him?” He hissed at the man, who finally let go, forcing Misha to take a stronger hold of the youth to keep him up.
”Look, you deal with him if you want, I was only trying to help.” The man said hurrying to the other side of the car and driving off before Misha had time to think how to deal with him.
He was left with the drugged up kid, who at the moment felt like he was made out of some spongy substance, who couldn’t even stand on his own.
”Damn, I’m gonna bust your ass for that, kid. Now put your finger in your mouth and puke,” Misha helped him to lean so that he wouldn’t puke all over himself and him. ”Finger, mouth,” Misha repeated. The boy shook his head. ”Do it, you’ll feel better,” Misha told him, unsure if it would help much, the drug was probably in his blood circulation. Joni finally obeyed, tears staining his face as he did.
”W-want home…” The boy stammered, but Misha was sure that if he were to bring the kid home in this state, his parents would blame HIM for it.
”Sorry, you’re not going home like that, at least not with me,” he informed him, taking out his phone and choosing Mikael’s number. He told him about the situation and after that he called a cab.
In the taxi, Joni was almost asleep, his head resting on Misha’s shoulder as he sat next to him. This sudden closeness was suddenly uncomfortable, in ways Misha didn’t want to recognize.
He looked at the boy, who was entirely too pretty and reckless for his own good. The worry and annoyance still twirled in his mind, shifting to anger of the boy’s stupidity, he could have gotten seriously hurt! Had he arrived just a couple of minutes later, it would have been too late.
They got to the house and Misha helped him onto the couch to the living room, making sure he lay on his side just in case he would puke. With that thought in mind he decided to get a bucket from the bathroom next to the couch. Then he threw a blanket on the now already sleeping, drugged up kid. He would let him have an earful in the morning.
Joni woke up, to meet not the best morning in his life. He felt sick, nauseated, his head was pounding and it hurt to open his eyes, but when he did, he panicked. Where was he? He had no memory of how he had gotten to his current resting place, the last thing he remembered was being at the club and… He sat up quickly, looking down and feeling relief to see himself fully dressed. Then looking around more he realized that he was in… Dima’s living room? How the hell had he ended up here? He tried to remember but couldn’t follow the shattered pieces of memory left of last night.
There had been the man and… Misha… shit… Misha had brought him here and he had no memory of how it had happened! Shit.
Then he heard someone coming down the stairs and soon enough he saw Misha. He didn’t like the look on the other one’s face and for once he felt insecure.
”Welcome among the living, hope it was worth it, the sex in the back alley behind the club, hmm? By the way, that man was … old,” Misha spoke to him making a disgusted face and Joni felt his heart stop, he felt as the color drained from his face and he started to feel sick. He shook his head.
”No,” he looked down at the floor still without a memory, ”no I didn’t,” he repeated almost desperately, he didn’t want to believe it, it was much too horrible to be true.
”Oh yes you did,” the other said coldly.
He felt angry with himself and with Misha, he felt ashamed. He got up shakily, had he really just lost his virginity to some old creep? But… he didn’t feel like… shouldn’t he feel something… there? He felt unsure and lost, he hated it. He wanted to just go home and… shower… and never see Misha again.
”I’m leaving,” he muttered, not able to look at Misha. ”Where’s my jacket? Or did I leave it there too?” He questioned bitterly. Misha pointed towards the coat hanger where he had left Joni’s jacket last night.
”Listen, what you did was stupid, I told you not to go and offer yourself to some creeps. Be happy I was around, because you WOULD have gotten yourself raped, understand?”
Joni looked at him with anger and hurt flashing in his eyes. He hated the fact that he couldn’t remember, he hated how he had been lying to him, he hated the fact that Misha saw him at his weakest.
”I hate you,” he spat, not having any other target for his anger, for the helplessness he felt when realizing that what Misha was saying was true. He had been stupid and he hated Misha for being right about it. He left the house in a hurry, knowing that he would meet another hell at home, his father would want him to explain where he had been all night and this time his worry had a reason.
Somewhere in the back of his mind Joni realized that he should feel gratitude towards Misha, had he not been there, the chances were that he would have never gotten back home. But this was not something that Joni wanted to think for long. He wasn’t sure how he’d be able to face Misha after this.
Misha watched Joni storm out of the house. Of course he hated him, he did it on purpose, the boy needed to understand what could have happened. Though he wasn’t feeling all that great about what he had just done, he could only hope that it would at least make Joni less reckless.
Misha walked into the kitchen and got himself some juice from the fridge.
”You know, if you bring dates home it would probably be a good idea to take them as far as to your bed while you’re at it.” Misha turned to the sound of his older brother’s voice and glared at him. ”Then, you might hear something more pleasant than ’I hate you’ in the morning,” Ivo was grinning and Misha couldn’t help but to growl.
”He was not my date, the brat spoiled my date, I had to leave Mikael because the little idiot sneaked into the club and hooked up with someone who gave him a drink with some drugs! God, since when am I some fucking babysitter? No one is paying me for taking care of that snot!” He complained, deciding to prepare himself some breakfast.
”Sneaked into a gay club, huh?” Ivo shook his head, ”ah, well, sure you remember how it was like at that age, Misha? Even I do and it’s been a hell of a lot longer since I was seventeen… But what is this about drugs?” He asked ”Oh, and want some coffee?”
”Yes, please,” Misha sighed. ”He was all woozy and puked,” he scrunched his face with disgust. ”Damn, I see him there once more and I’m calling his parents!”
”Our little model boy seems to have a crush on you, showing up at the same club… isn’t that cute? And there you go, saving the beauty from the beast, but… leave him sleeping on the couch,” Ivo shook his head with a grin, ”oh Misha, you still have a lot to learn.”
”Damn, I’m not some knight in the shining armor and he’s definitely not a princess, he’s as ill-mannered as it frigging gets,” Misha grumbled in return, feeling stupid about the whole situation. Ivo might be right, well, Misha knew he was right, the little snot probably did have a crush on him, otherwise he wouldn’t act so stupid.
”And it’s beside the point that he has a crush on me. He’s vain and stupid and I’m gonna teach him a lesson that people don’t get whatever they want only because they’re pretty.”
Ivo couldn’t wipe the grin from his face, he felt more amused by the whole situation that was probably healthy.
”A lesson, huh?” He asked, pouring coffee into two mugs, ”well he’s obviously woken something in you, this vain, ill-mannered but pretty kid… you know what they say..” he took a pause trying to remember the saying, ”a horse also kicks out of love?…well, something like that.”
”What horse, Ivo? Are you … mad?” Misha took the mug that was going to be his, deciding to finish preparing coffee himself; his older brother obviously went crazy at some point during this short morning. ”That brat didn’t wake anything! Definitely not my interest!”
”Hm, someone needs to get laid, so touchy,” Ivo took another sip of his coffee. ”And I’m not sure if I believe you. I find him quite attractive at least, he’s really not that bad as you make him sound,” he smiled.
”Damn, you’re right, I need to get laid and I WOULD HAVE, if that snot didn’t get in the way!” He snarled. ”And I can’t believe you’re interested in him! He’s a minor, Ivo! A minor! fourteen years your junior!”
”Age is just numbers,” Ivo grinned, ”anyway, I think we should have a party, you know, vodka, perhaps a bit of poker, hot drunk chicks and twinks, you know? How does that sound?”
”Sure, let’s deprave Dima completely,” Misha grumbled. ”He’s living with us so a party with vodka and twinks – or chicks – means he’s going to see it and take part in it,” Misha reminded his brother.
”We can send him to that girl’s house for safety, what was her name? Eva?” He grinned, ”Oh come on Misha, we could use a little fun.”
Misha growled impatiently. ”Whatever! You’re going to do it anyway, if I agree to it or not, so what’s the point of asking me?” Misha seated himself in front of the table and started eating his breakfast, the morning was getting more and more ridiculous and he had the vain brat to thank for it!
”Yes, you definitely need a good lay, I’m getting worried about you,” Ivo nodded firmly, his brother was always in a much happier mood when he had had some.
”And you’d better not be trying anything funny, like setting me up with someone random, got it?” Misha pointed at him with his finger, to which he only got a disturbingly sweet and innocent smile from his brother.
Web published: December 20th, 2007. (edited April 2022)
My Secret Shore