19. New Silent

Chapter 19

 March 2001, London

Samuel Addison Wentworth sat on the edge of a bed, coverlet loosely around his hips. He looked out from the window into the rainy morning. The bed creaked, there was a sigh, but the blond man didn’t turn to look.

“Why must you go?” The younger man asked behind him, before moving closer and snuggling against his back. Soft lips caressed Samuel’s neck, hands moved on his naked chest. “I’ll miss you terribly Sam.” The voice added and Sam placed his hand on top of the other, squeezing gently.

“We already talked about this,” he said with a soft tone. The rain grew stronger and whipped against the window glass. It was grey and depressing outside. The weather in Paris would surely be more agreeable; Sam thought while his lover gave another heavy sigh.

“Won’t you miss me?” The younger man repeated the question that he had already asked many times before during these last couple of weeks.

 “Daniel,” Sam said quietly, feeling tired. He took his lover’s hand that had slipped down to rest on his thigh and moved it away gently. It had been a mistake to come over for one last night before his leave, a mistake to believe Daniel when he had convinced that he understood the situation. “Of course I’ll think of you, you’re my friend.” He replied. The younger man was quiet for a moment.

“I thought I was something more.” Daniel’s depressed voice replied. Sam got up and started looking for his clothes. “I don’t understand you Sam, we get along so great, the sex is amazing and you can’t deny that it wouldn’t be.” Daniel observed him with a disappointed look on his face and his voice had a tight ring to it. 

 “Of course the sex has been amazing, but…” Sam slipped into his boxers, his head was aching. He should have known that this conversation would follow.

“But?” Daniel asked moving on the edge of the bed. “What’s wrong with me? Why do you want to run from me? Why can’t I come with you?” Sam gritted his teeth.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Daniel. I thought you understood the situation. Yesterday you said you understood and I’m tired going over this. You are my friend, I’m not ready to commit to anyone and you know that.” Sam glanced at the other man, who sat there clearly pouting. Daniel swept his light brown hair back, his grey green eyes watered and Sam felt lousy. “Daniel…” He started, stepping closer.

 “Don’t you care for me at all?” Daniel asked looking up into his blue eyes. Sam placed his hand on Daniel’s shoulder.

“Of course I care. I just don’t think that I’m the kind of guy who commits. We clearly want different things and it’s better from now on to just remain as friends, right?” Daniel gave him a miserable look. “You find someone Dan, someone who wants the same things as you, believe me.”

”I don’t want to lose you,” Daniel got up, snuggled against his chest, arms around him. The young man kissed his neck, his chin and finally his lips. “Lets just continue like we have, Paris isn’t that far and…” Sam took hold of Daniel’s wrists and pulled back.

“Lets just be friends, it’s better.“ He said calmly and Daniel frowned. Sam got his shirt from the floor and pulled it on.

“I bloody well don’t understand what’s gotten into you Sam! What the hell do you think you accomplish by stepping down from the position that you’ve been granted?! A gym trainer! With your education and your money!” Daniel laughed contemptuously, picking up his clothes from the floor and dressing them on. “Do you even realize how ridiculous your decision is?!”

”I know what I’m doing Dan,” Sam snapped at him. “I don’t want to be stuck in a dusty office, going over some ancient documents. No, I want to do something I enjoy! I want a life of my own, my choices, build something for myself rather than settling for something that my family has build! I’m twenty-five and I want experiences, I want to live to the fullest. To be true, I’m bored of the same faces, I’m bored of London!”

 Daniel looked at him quietly for a moment. “So, you’re bored with me as well? Sex was fine, for one last time and now…”

 “For God sake! It was you who suggested this last night! You who said you want one more night with me! And I’ve told you over and over that I don’t want to commit! Don’t make yourself a martyr, dammit I like you, I care and want the best for you! You won’t find happiness with me and it is better we continue only as friends.” Daniel was quiet, he lower lip curved.

 Sam sighed. “I have to go now… We can call later, or something.” He shrugged; frustrated that lately their intimate moments only seemed to end up fighting.

“Sam, wait.” Daniel asked regretfully when Sam was about to step out of the room. “I’m sorry,” he said, stepped closer and lowered his hand on Samuel’s shoulder.  You’re just so important to me. I wouldn’t want you to go, I love you.” Daniel leaned forward and planted a tender kiss on his cheek; Sam felt uncomfortable like he did every time that Daniel spoke those words. He never knew how to react; he didn’t want to lie. Love felt too strong word to describe how he felt; he had never been in love. He didn’t at least believe that he had and wouldn’t one know if it was love? At least that was what everyone claimed… Sam stroked Daniel’s hair tenderly, gave him a somewhat awkward smile and finally kissed the forehead of the shorter man.

”You’ll be fine.” He finally said and saw the familiar flash of disappointment in Daniel’s eyes. He felt bad that he couldn’t love him the way that he wanted. “Come and visit me sometime with the others, we can party together in Paris some weekend. Of course I’ll come and visit London as well.” Sam tapped Daniel’s shoulder. “Take care of yourself. I’ll call when I’ve settled in my new apartment, bye now.”

“Bye,” Daniel replied meekly and watched miserably as the man he loved left his apartment. Perhaps Sam would realize his true feelings in Paris; perhaps distance would be the right medicine? He thought wishfully and smiled to himself; it had to be so.


 Sam hummed a tune from the radio while unpacking one of his many moving boxes. Sunlight poured from the big windows into the light colored living room and his spirit was high.

“Hey, lets open a bottle of wine already?“ His friend Katherine who was called Kitty by most, suggested. Sam brought his gaze up to the lean, red haired woman and grinned.

“I was wondering when you’d ask,” he said and the woman smiled innocently. “The wineglasses are still in boxes in the kitchen. You need to wash them.”

“Can’t we just use paper cups?” Kitty sighed and Sam laughed.

“Hey! You promised to help me! You can wash two glasses! Oh and call that Chinese place and order some food.” Sam got up to arrange books to the shelf.

”Bossy…” Kitty complained. “What’s wrong with paper cups?”

“One must think of the environment.” Sam nodded.

“The fuck you care about the environment, you’re just such a fancy pants! Do you realize how much garbage your take out food produces?” Kitty teased.

 “Well, if you like to come over to cook for me everyday, then you’re most welcome.” Sam grinned.

“Or lets just pick up some French chef for you tonight.” Kitty decided and strode towards the kitchen.

“Is there some special place that French chefs go to? Or can one order them when needed? I’m not that picky really, he wouldn’t need to be French. Just look cute and know his way around the kitchen. And! Preferably he would also have sense enough to leave after cooking breakfast. I hate it when they sometimes stay and linger around the whole day.”

”French chefs you mean?” Kitty called from the kitchen, giggling.

 “I mean one night stands who can cook!”

 “You’re a cold hearted slut, Sam! I mean it with all my love!”

 “I protest! I’m not cold hearted! I’m young, free and virile!”  Sam called back, smiling to himself. They had known each other since childhood, were best friends even though their family backgrounds were quite different. Sam came from an old and wealthy family, though thanks to his parent’s permissiveness, Sam had never been pressured to settle into a specific mold.

Kitty’s mother had been their housekeeper. Then one time she had been forced to take her small girl with her to work when Kitty’s father had disappeared off to one of his drinking trips. Kitty had been five at the time and Sam four and from that day forward they had almost been inseparable. Kitty’s mother had held up hope that her daughter would end up marrying rich. Then finally, Sam’s sexual orientation had come to common knowledge, naturally crushing those hopes. Her disappointment was brief however, for surely a rich man had to have plenty of equally rich and what was even more important; straight single friends. It was true that Sam had those as well, but unfortunately both he and Kitty often found their company quite boring.

 Kitty didn’t seem that keen to settle down either, six month previous the woman had moved to Paris after getting a job as a makeup artist in a popular theater. The opportunity was the perfect excuse to escape her mother’s constant grief over the fact that she’d end up as a childless old maid. After all, Kitty was already twenty-six!  (The woman apparently still thought they lived in the almost pre-historical age where a woman of twenty-six years was beginning to be quite hopeless case when marriage was concerned.) Her mother’s desperate attempts to arrange a suitable man had proved to be quite horrid cases too. Kitty wanted to party, date different men and live her youth before settling for something permanent.

She didn’t want to end up like her mother, marry a man like her father, who would drink and leave her to take care of screaming children on her own. Her romantic side held up a dream of meeting her foreign knight; he would be dark, tall and handsome, speak with an accent. He would be mysterious, cheeky and a romantic gentleman. A man who would worship her and at the same time he would still be sort of indifferent and dangerously sexy. Sam always laughed at the impossibility of her fantasy man. Her friend couldn’t understand how it could be possible to be both a gentleman and cheeky, and indifferent but at the same time a romantic worshipper. It was sheer womanly nonsense! Kitty however figured that Sam was a man and men usually didn’t get these things. Her knight in shining armor however, would be completely different.

Later that night they lay on the floor next to each other, there was an empty bottle of wine next to them and other half full and empty takeout boxes. “How come there are so many moving boxes left?” Sam pondered looking around.

 “We can continue tomorrow.” Kitty nodded.

“If we aren’t drunk then too.” Sam thought and the woman laughed.

“I assume that we are,” Kitty nodded and brought the glass to her lips after sitting up. “You know, I’ve considered taking a boyfriend. I mean; sex would be available whenever I’d want it! It would be quite convenient really.”

Sam glanced at her and frowned. “You’re a woman, quite pretty too, I’m sure you can get laid just by walking into a bar and taking your pick.”

“Well yeah… But those one-night stands can be quite horrid. Take one idiot who actually tried to put it in my navel! Can you imagine? There he was groaning in delight and then I just had to say; look, I don’t think this is going to work, you better go home now.” Sam burst into roaring laughter.

“Gods Kitty, that didn’t really happen, right? I can’t imagine anyone being that stupid?” 

 “If you only knew! Sometimes they try to stick it into the other hole without asking first and then one is forced to scream out that hey! Wrong place! I don’t get any kick out of it as a woman. They should find some guy to fuck there, after all, you men have that g-spot there.”

Sam wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. “Yeah…”

“Have you had it up there?” Kitty asked and Sam looked at her and grinned.

“No, I’ve been the one to stick it into the other.” 

“You don’t know what you’re missing,” Kitty nodded.

“And you do?” Sam teased.

“Well…no…but well… You have that g-spot there for goodness sake! You should try it.  I once fucked my ex with my finger while he was fucking me and I can tell you; that man enjoyed! We never talked about that finger, but I could tell by the sound he made!”

“Damn you’re drunk Kitty,” Sam laughed at his friends bluntness. 

“Yes, I admit that, but I can still drink!” The woman grinned refilling her glass.

“But okay, so if you’re getting yourself a boyfriend, does it mean we’re looking for that cheeky foreigner?”

”Yes… But I think I can lower my standards a little and it doesn’t need to evolve into serious relationship. A good sex relationship will do for now, with a man who knows how everything works!”

“Okay, to the straight bar we go!” Sam nodded and they chinked their glasses. 


 In the morning Sam woke to a terrible headache, he slowly opened his sore eyes and startled when he heard another man snoring beside him. He cursed silently and glanced beside him seeing the man’s naked back and messy dark hair, his memory was shattered, but apparently they had slept together, the clothes on the floor and a condom wrap on the nightstand spoke their own language. At least they were at his place, Sam had no idea how they got there and… He glanced at the man beside him, what the hell was his name? The situation was embarrassing; things like these shouldn’t happen anymore, he was after all an adult! Twenty-five! Well, a young adult, but a gym trainer for goodness sake! It would be embarrassing if one of his clients had seen his wild partying! Or his employer! No, now he had to pull himself together, this kind of behavior was stupid and irresponsible. At least he had used a condom, so he hadn’t been a complete moron. Where was Kitty anyway?

Sam sat up, his head really ached and it made him groan quietly. This really was stupid and embarrassing, he wouldn’t drink ever again! Not at least in a week! And when he would drink it would be a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, all civilized. He couldn’t possibly preach about healthy lifestyle if he himself was this depraved! All of it was Kitty’s fault…

How had he even managed to pick someone up from a straight-bar? Sam frowned; quite confusing. Hopefully the guy wasn’t a complete beast… He snored impossibly loud at least… Sam bit his lip and tried carefully to take a glance of the guys face; light dark stubble, dark eyebrows, his nose was quite nice, but his lips were quite thin and the man had to be at least ten years older than him. On top of that, he was quite …well, hairy… Sam shook his head confused, what the hell had he been thinking last night? That man wasn’t at all his usual type!

He got up as quietly as he could and kept glancing at the stranger while searching his wallet; just to find out what his name was to avoid another embarrassing situation. Luckily the black leather wallet was found from the strange trousers back pocket; Paulin Aubry, born 3.12.1963, the guy was 38! This had to be his oldest lay and the most unusual. The man wasn’t ugly, but… Well Sam had gotten used to younger, less hairy and less snoring and pretty much cuter guys. Sam quickly put the wallet back and started looking for his own clothes. 

The man on the bed turned and there was a sigh. Sam pondered how he could convince the man to leave; best-case scenario would be that he was sensible enough to leave on his own.

”Good morning, baby….” A soft tone purred from the bed, startling Sam. He turned slowly and gave a forced smile to the man who was now sitting up. The man’s voice was much softer than Sam had expected.

“Morning,” he mumbled and continued dressing. The man got up and approached him with a grin on his face.

“It was pretty wild last night.” Sam had no time to react when the man had already wrapped his arms around him and brought his lips on his. Finally Sam was able to squirm himself free.

“Uh, I have to shower…”

“May I join you?” The man grinned again and attempted another kiss.

“There’s no room!” Sam squeaked and ran to the bathroom, locking the door after him. He wiped his face, this was afoul, he hoped that the man would just leave. He had to get a hold of Kitty to understand what had happened. When Sam returned the man was naked on his bed wiggling his eyebrows in suggestive manner.

”How about morning shag?” The man grinned and Sam started to feel ill.

“Oh, I think I heard my phone ring…” Sam quickly took his cell phone and ran to the living room where he called his friend. “Kitty, you have to come and save me…” He moaned to the phone. “There’s some guy who lays on my bed without showing any sign of leaving… He’s terribly hairy… and nearly forty! Why didn’t you stop me from dragging something like that to my place?”

 Kitty started giggling at the other end. “Oh Sam… You can only blame yourself now; I felt ill and left home. You continued your evening with those people we met. I have no idea where you’ve been.

“I’ll never drink again.” Sam gave the sacred promise.

“But there’s that gala next Saturday!” Kitty reminded.

“Well, I won’t drink for another week.” Sam decided. “Please rescue me, that hairball wants to have sex again and I don’t want to fuck him the second time if I have the first, I don’t remember!”

“Life is tough,” Kitty sneered. “Alright my love, I’ll rescue you!” And with those words the woman hung up. Sam could do nothing but to wait and trust that she’d keep her word. He glanced towards the bedroom nervously.

“Samuel… what’s keeping you? Come here my sexy British!” Apparently he had picked up some idiot leech… Or he himself had been picked?… Confusing… “I’m ready for you!” Sam approached the bedroom, he just had to act touch and ask the man to leave.

“Listen,” Sam started after walking in. The man grinned, got up and approached. “I have to…” Sam didn’t get the chance to finish, when the man’s lips were on his once more and was dragging him towards the bed. “Hey… I have to… go to… work!” Sam managed to shriek somewhere between the rather one-sided kisses. The man knocked him down on the bed and climbed on top of him.

”Don’t be silly,” The man smiled and started rubbing against him. Sam was disgusted by his dark chest hair… they were so… 80’s! David Hasselhof had chest hair, he thought randomly, some found it sexy but Sam wasn’t one of them. They wrestled on the bed for some time, Sam mostly tried to get away while his partner just got more exited thinking it was foreplay; an idiot what an idiot. Finally Sam heard the keys turning in his front door and thanked two things; that Kitty lived quite near and that he had given her his keys.

“Darling, I’m home!” Kitty called and Sam’s stunned partner looked up towards the bedroom door. Kitty shrieked when opening the door to see them. “Oh, my eyes! This can’t be true! Sam! You perverse pig!” She sobbed overly dramatic, but it seemed to work because the man immediately got up. Sam cocked his brow looking closer at Kitty’s round belly that she stroked gently with her hands

”How could you? What will become of our baby? What will my mother say?” Kitty wailed and sniffed without tears.  The man who just moments ago had been excited and horny now gave Sam a disapproving look.

 “You didn’t tell me you had girlfriend! And pregnant on top of that!” The man started dressing in a hurry, shaking his head.

“We’re engaged!” Kitty sobbed. “How will I explain this to our wedding guests? To my doctor? Our child? Poor child who even hasn’t been born yet?! Sam you prick!”

 Sam got up from the bed, shrugged and tried to look as serious as he could.

“Swine!” The man snorted and rushed out of the apartment. The door banged shut loudly after him and Kitty’s face turned to a grin.

“When I asked your help, this wasn’t what I had in mind,” Sam noted amusedly. “And what the hell is that under your shirt? 

“Tadaa!” Kitty pulled a small decorative cushion underneath her shirt. “At least he is gone now and I’m pretty sure he won’t be coming back! Here, our love child,” Kitty handed him the cushion. “I bought it for you last week as a housewarming gift but forgot to bring it to you yesterday. What should we name him?”

 “You’re nuts… And we men so love these decorative cushions too…” Sam teased and grinned at her.

“What was that man’s name?” Kitty asked and Sam had to take a moment to think.

“Paulin Aubry.”

“And our love child shall be named Aubry!” Kitty declared. “Should we now order a pizza?”

“Alright but next week we live healthy and you’ll join me at the gym!”

“Alright, alright…” Kitty sighed. “You health Nazi…” She muttered after with a small smile on her face.


Chapter 20



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