We agreed to meet at the sea shore, I’m there early, I’m always early and sometimes I hate this obsession of mine to be early in fear that I’ll be late and I think… I think I should have made Marko wait.
The day is warm, sun is shining no need for an over shirt. A family with two small kids; a girl and a boy are feeding ducks nearby, the girl is giggling, the boy tries to snatch some bread from her as he’s already used his piece. The mother forbids him, gives him a new piece from her bag. A man jogs past us.
I’m not sure what I’m doing; going on a date with Marko…. With MARKO, the guy who my now currently ex-boyfriend fucked with; thus why I’m no longer with him. This is crazy, isn’t it? I’m basically trading a guy who was fucking around to a guy who’s been whoring his ass quite a lot if the rumours are true… What was I thinking? What am I thinking? I should just go, shouldn’t I? Stand him up? Yeah, that would be wise I think, might be the smartest thing I’ve done in a while: a date with Marko, Mr. Paris Hilton? Honestly…
I stand up, ready to escape from the spot.
“Hi Jesse, I’m sorry if I’m late, I um…” I turn to his voice; he has light blue jeans on that fit him perfectly and white tank top, sunglasses which he takes off and lifts on the top of his head. He looks really good. “I admit that I was thinking you might not be here, but I’m glad that you came.” He tells me.
“Yeah.” I say stupidly, looking at him, it’s such an odd situation really.
“It’s quite a hot day, isn’t it? I had a hard time deciding what to wear.”
“Me too,” I agree.
“You look good Jesse, I- I like that shirt of yours. Is it new?”
“Oh thank you, yes, I bought it yesterday.”
“Cool.” Awkward moment of silence follows. “I’ve never been on a first date before so, you have to excuse me, I have no idea how to go about these things.” He laughs then a bit nervously.
“Really? Never?” I ask and he shakes his head.
“Yeah, um usually… Well usually I meet a guy, they want sex and um… Well sometimes they call sometimes they don’t.” He shrugs his shoulders and then bites his lip.
“Oh,” I say, lost for words for a second, hesitating if this date is something I should even continue, but then I look into his eyes, seeing the insecurity and hope, so he’s not perfect, so he’s slept around, but does that mean that I shouldn’t give him a chance? And then I remember the day in his room, remember his father and the way Marko laughed as we jumped on the bed making his father think that we were doing something else entirely. Something in him… I don’t know for sure, but I do know that I am interested. I saw a glimpse of his life and I had no idea that it could be like that, his father… hm… maybe it explains why Marko has been doing the things that he does?
“Look Jesse, I understand if you’re…”
“I though we could go to the sea Fortress*” I quickly interrupt him, “to have a picnic, it’s such a lovely day for a picnic.” His smile melts me.
“Yes, that sounds nice. I love picnics.” He tells me sounding excited, then he blushes a little. “I’m sorry, like I said; I’ve never been on an actual date before.”
“It’s okay, first time for everything, eh?” I smile at him, “So let’s walk to the pier?”
We find a quite peaceful spot on the rocks of the sea forth, I place a blanket down on the ground and urge him to sit down with me.
“It’s beautiful here.” He breathes out, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath of the fresh summer air.
“It is, yes,” He opens his eyes and looks at me; this time his eyes look bright green; beautiful.
“Strawberries?” I offer, he reaches out and takes one.
“I love strawberries.” He smiles and I watch as the berry disappears in his mouth. “Mmmh…” His eyes close, he licks his lips for the taste and I find it hard to concentrate to anything else. “Delicious.” He smiles.
“Sparkling wine?” I ask then.
“Oh, yes, please; wow sparkling wine and strawberries, this is so nice. You know Jesse; there are easier ways to get into my pants.” He chuckles. I look up to him almost spilling the wine from the glass. “I’m just joking, really, I stop.” He blushes. I hand him the glass and he thanks me.
We hear as some foreigner coupe approaches looking for a picnic spot. The woman looks at us with wide eyes, Marko raises his glass to her.
“Cheers and yes; we are GAY.” Then he laughs as they look at us, the man takes her hand and leads her away as her lips twist a little in a smile.
“Honesty Marko…” I shake my head
“What?” He blinks his eyes innocently. “I know she was wondering so I just thought I’d make her happy so she won’t have to keep wondering, it would be a terrible thing; to wonder, maybe not being able to get sleep because of it and now she can go home and tell that she saw a gay couple on a picnic! Imagine that.” I raise my eyebrow and lay the rest of the picnic stuff on the blanket.
“Oh, chocolate cake! May I?” He asks.
“Go right ahead.”
“Thank you,” He says and hurries to take a piece and eat, almost as if he had never seen this much food in his life. “I’m sorry again, my eating manners needs improvement, don’t they?”
“Well, don’t worry about it. I like watching you when you eat,”
“Uuh, kinky…” He grins.
“So um Jesse, we’re supposed to ask stuff from each other, right? Like interview each others?” He asks and takes a sip of the wine.
“Uh, interview?” Hm, well I guess one could put it like that, I think to myself. “Well we can just talk about stuff.”
“Okay… So Jesse, you’re working at a coffee house right?”
“Yes, I have to go the army in January and after that, well I think I’ll study to be a doctor.”
“Yes, have you gone to the army already or?”
“Nah, I think I’ll do the civil service stuff. The way I figured it out; is that it’s much better for our country’s safety if I’m not allowed anywhere near heavy armery.”
“Really?” I chuckle and take a piece of French bread.
“Yes, my family has had this terrible luck for as long as I know. My great grandparents died during the last war and apparently my big uncle; the big brother of my grandma disappeared, was taken by the enemies at 15 years of age. I’ve heard rumours that he was sodomised by the enemy. I don’t know, but… anyway, long story short; I don’t want to go to army, I could never shoot anyone should there ever be another war, which I doubt, but anyway… So yes; civil service, I’m hoping I could go serve it in some library; be the protector of the books or something crazy…”
“Did you know that my grandma and her younger brother lived in Stockholm after they became orphans.” He changes the subject.
“Yes. And your father is Swedish, right? Have you ever lived in Sweden?”
“I have, yes, I was actually born in Stockholm, we moved here when I was 4.”
“Swedish are so hot.” He says then just as I’m taking a sip of the wine and I almost choke to it, I can’t help but to laugh.
“Is there any nationality or culture that you wouldn’t find hot, I wonder?” He takes a little pause, thinking while nipping on a strawberry.
“Hm… no, nothing comes to my mind…oh, except you know that tribes that have have like a plate or something in their mouths? You know what they do is; they take the lower lip and put a hole in it and stick in some kind of plate, I saw a document about it once and I have to say; that would just be weird, I mean how does one kiss when you lower lip is like a mile away from the upper? Do they not like to kiss?” There’s a concentrated frown on his features and I really have a hard time keeping a straight face.
“You know what Marko? I have no idea.”
“Yeah, I suppose it’s one of those great mysteries of life.” He shrugs his shoulders again.
“Going to the army must suck.” He says then.
“Yeah well, it’s not like I look forward to it; camping in the woods, hiking, freezing my butt out there in the winter, early wakings. As I said; I’m not looking forward to it, thank God it’s only less than a year.”
“They’re going to cut your hair all short too, good thing that you have a pretty head… But it’s a shame still, I like your hair the way it is now.” He turns his head to the side, looking at me, I grin at him.
“It will grow back.”
“Yes, it will and I bet you’ll look hot in that uniform, I hope I get to see you wearing that.”
“Maybe you will…” I tell him and he looks into my eyes smiling in such a happy way.
“God I must be grinning like some idiot now.” He lifts his hand to cover his mouth. “And I bet I’m blushing too…”
“You look cute.” I tell him reaching out to move his hand away from his face with the courage that the sparkling wine has given me. Our hands stay together for some time and I have this tingling feeling in the bottom of my stomach and for a while I can’t say a thing. When I finally look back into his eyes and I see him looking back, my heart beats quicken and I find it safer to let go of his hand.
“Didn’t Pete ever take you out on a date? How did you meet with him anyway?” I ask then, though I kind of know that one shouldn’t talk about ex’s during the first date but I feel that our situation is different.
“Well, we met… We met at a club, a friend of his introduced us, it was… it was just sex at first, then he wanted to see me more often and… Well, we did go out, but always with a group of people I never thought of them as dates… But he did take me on a trip once; Italy, to Rome, he had some work stuff there. Oh, it was great Jesse, so much to see and the scenery and the cafe places; truly the best coffee I’ve ever had. I even got see the great Colosseum. It was the first time I had ever been abroad, if I don’t include visits to Stockholm and Tallinn. But well it was like, um, Pete was on his business meetings and the only time we really spend together was at the hotel room, we had sex every night, I think that’s the reason he took me there with him, the reason why he wanted me around for so long. It’s not like he loved me, I don’t think he has ever loved anyone, he wants young guys, who are fit and look good, that’s the only interest to him, it was never like this; it was never like; how are you Marko? What do you think of this, or how was your day? No, he wasn’t interested in me, just my body and the only things we really ever talked about was of him or things he wanted. He bought me things, he did say nice things, called me a sweetheart or honey; but from his mouth they were just words without any meaning.”
It was kind of like I thought, Pete is a jerk who treats people like they are things that he owns.
“He had an eye for you Jesse too… You might have noticed.” He says then.
“Um yeah, kind of…”
“Darling; that’s what he called you.” Marko continues then giving me a half smile, a sad smile somehow. Oh so Marko did know. “He sometimes talked about you and Joni too, the way you were together and and how you both pleased his eye… ah but enough about that. Let’s talk about something else, like do you ever plan to move back to Stockholm?”
“I don’t know I might and then again I might not. So far I’m happy here, my family and friends are here though I do have relatives and friends in Sweden too. When I get out from the army I think I apply to medical school both here and there.”
“And what about you, Marko?
“I have no idea. I only just barely made it out from basic school and… And I don’t know what I want, I can dance, I can… um I don’t even know what I can.”
“There are lots of things you could do… So this dancing thing?” I start.
“I could become a stripper.” He laughs and looks at me. “I’m kidding Jesse. You know… I’d like to work at a library but I suppose I would need some education for that… One thing is for sure; I don’t want to end up like my dad.”
“You could still go to school you know.”
“Maybe I will.” He smiles at me and I smile back.
It’s almost 10pm when we finally take a ferry back to the town. We’ve been talking like non stop and I really find him more and more interesting. We walk a bit more, close to the shore.
“It’s a beautiful night.” He says, watching far to the horizon.
“It is.” I answer and then I stop him, standing on the eye level with him, realising that we’re actually the same height.
“It’s getting rather chilly, isn’t it?” We look deep in each other’s eyes, it’s that moment; not sure whether to kiss or not, wanting it so bad, but hesitating.
“Yeah, it is.” He bites his bottom lip, watches me and carefully he brings his hand to my cheek, looks at me as if asking that one final question, his lips coming closer and I slowly decide to act, my arm reaching out to his waist, my lips touching his, my other hand in his hair and we kiss, right there at the sea side, soft summer breeze blowing past us, not caring who might see us. And I know that I am lost.
“Are you using a bus to get home?” I ask him with a whisper.
“Yes, are you?”
“I’m taking the train, I’ll walk you to your bus stop.” I tell him and kiss him again, his mouth tastes like mint after the gum he just chewed.
“So um, that’s my bus.” He tells me, I’d like to kiss him again, but now there are too many people, some of them drunk and I want to get safely to my train.
“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow, what time do you think you’ll wake?”
“Ten, maybe eleven, you can call me after eleven or what ever suits you the best.” He smiles. “I had a nice time today Jesse, it was different but nice, I don’t think I’ve ever had as much fun.”
“I had nice time, too, I’ll see you and good night.” I touch his hand very lightly. He smiles.
“Good night, thousand times good night…” He grins. “…and this would be where I would kiss you, but I want you to get home safe so I just imagine doing it.” He whispers and then he walks to the bus, waves me through the window and I wave back.
What am I getting myself into? I wonder. Could we really make it as a couple? Already my heart tells me ‘yes’, it’s my brain that wonders. Maybe I just think too much? Maybe this is the time to follow my heart?
What a strange thing, going on a date and not being asked for sex after it. It’s certainly the first time that a guy is actually interested in what I think and not how I give head.
I’m smiling like an idiot the whole way home, so what if people think I’m crazy? I’m crazy happy, butterflies still in my stomach and I feel like nothing in the world could bring my mood down now. I want to tell about Jesse to my grandma, I want to tell to the whole world how happy I feel.
“What are you smiling about?” Dad asks me when I’m finally home preparing an evening snack for myself.
“I’m smiling because I was on a date with a wonderful guy, because I’m insanely happy.” I tell him.
“Some man brought you some smelly roses, I threw them in your room.” He tells me, takes a beer from the fridge and walks away.
“Roses?” I whisper quietly to myself, place the sandwiches that I made on a plate, pour myself a glass of water and walk into my room. A bouquet of red roses lay on the floor and I kneel down take them and see the envelope on the side. I place the sandwich plate down on my table, sit on my bed and open the envelope.
I miss you sweetheart, I’ve been thinking and I am willing to forgive your cheating, I just want you back. It is rare for me to ask, but I am asking now; so please come back. I miss your sexy ass Marko. I’m leaving to Paris one week from now and I have a ticket for you. I’ll be waiting for your answer.
With love: Pete”
I really don’t know what to think, I certainly wasn’t expecting this. Paris; I’ve always wanted to go to Paris. I think of all the luxury that Pete has to offer, but I also remember being unhappy most of the time with him, remember how selfish he was in bed for one thing. I place the letter down, walk in front of the window and look out. “Jesse.” I whisper and smile, I know what I want. Though it was only the first date, though I have no idea will it work, could it work, I decide to take the risk and try. I want to break free from this life, I want to be as happy as I was today for all the days of my life.
I pick up my phone and dial the number.
“Honey,” Pete’s voice answers with fake tenderness.
I call him the next day, trying to wait, but ending up calling him just 11.10am. My parents wonder my sudden cheerful mood.
“Alright; who is he?” Mom asks with curiosity, when we are eating dinner that night, just after my second call to Marko; agreeing on a second date with him on the next day.
“His name is Marko,” I decide to just tell them. I am feeling more certain about him, more certain that he might be the one I want.
“And how old is this Marko?” Dad asks me.
“He’s my age, we actually went to the same upper level school.” Both of them smile at this.
“When do we get to see him?”
“I don’t know, um…”
“Why won’t you ask him for a barbecue next Friday?”
“Maybe… I’ll think about it.”
And I did think about it, the next day when I saw him and we had coffee together, the day after that when we went to the beach to swim, the day after when we had a walk and ate ice cream at the park. I asked him then, to come over at our house on Friday; barbecue with my family, watching movies and playing video games after that.
“You could stay for the night?” I suggested, nervous somehow, feeling the growing want for him and not quite knowing how to go about it with him, Marko is so different from Joni, so, so different. He smiled, eating his ice cream.
“I’d love to,” he grinned, and carefully I kissed him tasting the strawberry ice cream in his mouth, holding his hand in mine and wondering how perfectly our hands fit together. No, he wasn’t a silly blond anymore and I really couldn’t see why I had ever thought of him as such.
Cecilia and Pauli were with us that evening. A lovely day for a barbecue. Dad had his silly apron on and a cook’s hat. They welcomed Marko in, curious and asking questions, some of the questions making him feel a bit uncomfortable as I noticed.
“What do your parents do for living?” Mother asked him while Dad was grilling the meat with Pauli.
“My dad, um he’s an architect and um my mom…” He hesitates, glances towards me, I take his hand and close it in mine, nod my head to him, “My mom is or was a travel agent, but I- I haven’t seen her in years.”
“Oh I’m sorry dear.” Mom tells him.
“I like him,” Dad tells me when Marko is inside visiting the restroom. “I like him better than the last one; same size, same age, yes far better than Joni was.”
“I agree with your father, he seems like a very sweet young man.” Mom says then.
We walk upstairs into my room to play some video games, before we decide to watch a movie; Pirates of the Caribbean; Marko’s choice. I move the TV so that we can watch it on my bed, a bed that’s wide enough for two. Arranging pillows for us and getting some snacks and coke we start the movie. I’ve seen the movie so many times already, can’t bring myself to concentrate on it the same way as Marko does, instead I steal glances at him, watching his butt as he is lying there on his stomach, next to me laughing when ever captain Jack Sparrow appears.
“God he’s so funny.” Marko comments.
“Mmm..” I agree finally allowing myself to touch him, I bring my hand on his lower back, he turns his head and smiles at me.
“You know what would be cool?”
“What?” I smile back.
“To be a pirate. You know; sail far into the horizon, find a secret place, hide from the rest of the world. We could be modern day pirates… I want to be like Jack Sparrow, he’s so cool.”
“Yeah…” I bring my hand on his bum, finally and for the first time really touching it. I squeeze a little. Oh God I am getting hard. I’m getting more bolder with the touches and then I finally look up at him, see him looking back, his eyes half open, breathing through his mouth. He turns on his side and brings our bodies closer together, kissing me very lightly, looking into my eyes and I kiss him back, closing my eyes drawing my leg between his thighs, squeezing his butt; my new obsession. He moans quietly as we start rocking our erections together.
“Do you want to?” He whispers quietly, breaking the kiss and looking into my eyes.
“Yes, isn’t it obvious?” I chuckle softly, kissing him again. He smiles at me. “I’d like to hold you in my arms naked.” I tell him then, keeping my voice very low. He sits up, removes his socks first, and then he pulls his shirt off. I start undressing too, all the while watching him, still lying on the bed.
“Is the door locked?” Marko asks, once he’s wearing only his boxers. I shake my head and watch as he walks to the door and turns the key inside the lock, he then returns to me smiling, his cheeks slightly red and an obvious bulge inside his boxers much like inside my own. I sit up before he reaches me and decide to pull him on my lap, he laughs quietly and we kiss again. I turn him around on his back and under me, his hands moves down on my back on the waistband of the boxers and slowly and carefully he frees my member from the tightness, leaving me naked.
“We could do 69?” He suggested then, agreeing with him, I turn around on top of him, pull his boxers down and take his cock in my mouth just as I feel him doing the same. I moan, squeezing my eyes shut, moving my head up and down and making slow movements with my hips, his hands squeezes my butt, I feel like I’m in heaven.
Curiosity takes me over, I moisten my finger with my own saliva, continuing my sucking I find his hole with my fingers. I feel the skin around it, circling and finally pushing my finger in, feeling the tight muscles around it. I push in deeper, circle it around in his hole and I know I’m growing even harder in his mouth. I pull my head up, freeing his cock, wanting to look at his genital area better, his pubic hair is light brown and he’s trimmed it down. I gaze more carefully at that pink hole of his; looking very clean and irresistible, I give it a lick. Then licking it again, spitting on it, taking my time as I slowly prepare him. He continues his sucking, moaning quietly every once and a while.
Finally I decide it’s time to try something different. I move around again, kiss his lips and his neck.
“I’d like to go inside of you…” I whisper very quietly.
“I want you in.” He tells me then. I take some body lotion from under my bed and use it on him and on my own cock. I’m eager to feel him, to fill him. I lay on top of him, finding the best position for us, I want to be able to see his face when I do this.
“Are you comfortable?” I ask him.
“Yes, very.” He assures, kissing me softly, I guide my cock against his entrance. In fear I might hurt him, I have a hard time getting in at a first try.
“Push in harder, I won’t break, I promise.” Marko smiles at me, looking into my eyes. I kiss him as I push in hard and finally succeed getting the head in, the rest goes more easily. I gasp at this new sensation, gasp as I feel the tightness and how warm it is. I lay on top of him, stroking his hair, kissing his nose and his cheeks, waiting to get used to this.
I finally start moving, trying to be as gentle as I can.
“Are you okay? I’m not hurting you, am I?” I ask with worry, this being my first time like this and I’m not sure how I’m doing.
“I’m fine, feels good, you’re doing good, Jesse. I love the feel of you in me.” He whispers, again we kiss. I take his hand in mine and I look into his eyes, holding his gaze as I keep moving, making love to him slowly wanting it to last forever.
Suddenly there’s a knock on my door and I freeze.
“Boys, there’s milk and cookies if you’d like?” My mom’s voice calls, God she has the worst timing ever.
“Um, we’re all good, maybe later!” I shout back trying my best to sound as normal as possible. I listen until her steps echo away from my door. I look at Marko whose face is red and who’s biting his lip trying not to laugh.
“Oh God…Good thing that the door was locked.” He says then, we both laugh quietly and then I kiss the side of his ear, he turns his lips and captures my lips with his own.
“Let’s turn around?” he asks then. I nod my head, pull out and lay on my back, he moves up, brings his other leg to my other side, takes my cock and slowly sits down on it, taking sometime before sitting full on top of me, my whole length in. He leans down and kisses me, starting to rock his hips. Then he leans back, I admire his beautiful body, running my hands on his sides and finally closing my fist around his cock and start stroking it. I then grasp his hips, again he leans closer to me and I feel myself getting closer, so close. Finally we both reach our orgasms.
We lie on the bed side by side, I stroke his hair, his neck and his back.
“No one’s ever been as gentle with me as you were, I liked it. I think it was the best time I’ve ever had…” He whispers quietly looking at me. “I feel so happy now.”
“I’m happy too, that was just the first time, imagine what the other times will be like; we’re only learning.”
“So you want to keep me then?” He smiles.
“Yes,” a kiss, “yes,” another kiss, “and yes,” third kiss. He wraps himself around me, almost squealing.
“I love you,” his face against my neck and I am surprised, did I hear him right? He stays that way, maybe scared to look at me and I touch him, kiss his shoulder.
“Look at me, please… Marko, um, sweetheart?” He looks up biting his lip.
“I’m sorry, I… you don’t have to say anything, it was stupid.” He brings his hands to cover his face.
“So you don’t love me then?” I ask and I can’t help but to grin, he looks so cute. He’s quiet for a while,
“Um, no, I mean yes…uh I did mean it…” I take his hands away from his face.
“It’s alright, because you know what? I think I love you too… No, leave the think out of it, I do love you.”
“Yeah, really.” And then he giggles, and grins and kisses me, and we roll on the bed. And I know it’s crazy and I know it’s fast, but oh it just feels so right.
A/N: Marko’s family history connects to the stories ”Silent victims” and ”Ghost of you”