15. New Silent

Chapter Fifteen

Michael stepped inside the cafe, with fear mixed emotions.

The whole week he had been a lot more nervous than usual, fearing that Ricky would sense what he and Jack were planning; he continuously pondered how they could hide from the men. If they’d only get away from the States somehow?

Only Ricky had his passport and Michael didn’t know if there was anyone who they could trust. Anyone could know Ricky, even this French man. Still, desperation had grown so deep and Michael couldn’t continue the way it was going. Ricky’s confidence and cruelness just grew worse: he always thought of new ways to hurt.

Michael had to get out, whatever the cost was. Perhaps he could warn his parents somehow? In case the man would decide to harm them? On the other hand, would Ricky really take such a risk?

Jean sat in front of the same table as before, reading the French sport magazine. Michael smiled tensely as he got closer. His heart beating fast, he could only hope that his shivering wouldn’t be so visible.

”Hi,” Michael breathed as he stood by the table, and the man brought his gaze up, smiling delightedly.

”Well hello,” he said. ”You changed your mind?” he asked.

Michael nodded slightly nervously.

”Sit down,” Jean suggested. ”I’ve hoped for the whole week to see you,” the man continued as Michael sat down. ”Is everything alright, you seem a bit… upset?”

Michael looked at him and then carefully around. ”Um… Could we… Could we go someplace… somewhere more… private?” Michael suggested with as low voice as he could. Jean cocked his brow and was quiet for a moment.

”We could go to my apartment, if you like?” he finally suggested, observing the youth who nodded carefully. Jean got up and took his magazine. ”It’s not far from here, we can walk.”

Michael tried to smile as he got up. They walked in silence, Michael felt his nervousness pile up in the bottom of his stomach. He almost felt like he was about to faint, his legs felt like jelly and he didn’t dare to look at the man.

Jean opened the building’s front door to him and they stepped inside. The door banged shut behind them. Walking towards the elevator, Jean pressed the button, echoing sounds, slam, the door of the elevator opened and Michael stepped in. He looked down at his shoes, listening to Jean’s even breathing, and felt his gaze burning on his body.

The elevator jerked as it stopped on the sixth floor. Jean searched for the keys from his pocket, walked ahead, opened the door and held it open.

”Please step in.” It was the first time that the man said anything after leaving the cafe. Michael swallowed and stepped into the hall, the door slammed shut behind them.

Jean lowered the magazine and the keys on the hall table observing the boy with curiosity.

”Would you like anything? Juice? Coffee? Tea?” he listed, taking off his jacket.

”N-no, thank you,” Michael answered and brought his gaze up, he hoped that he would have been even slightly drunk or stoned or something to make him feel more confident. Of course he had done this before, numerous times, but now… Now it felt different, now when he would suggest it, if the man would agree on the offer, he’d get paid and somehow… Now he’d truly be the whore that Ricky had made out of him.

Jean walked towards the living room and Michael followed with insecure steps.

”Well Michael, was there something that you wanted to talk about?” Jean asked, breathing the smoke out. ”Do sit down.”

Michael nodded, not knowing how to start. He sat on the nearby armchair and looked around.

”Well I… I don’t have any diseases.” He swallowed. ”I thought that… if you’re interested… I um… well…I need money…” Michael felt the blush creep on his skin, he didn’t dare to look at the man, the silence that settled felt tortuously pressing.

”You’re offering sex?” Jean finally asked in a calm tone. Michael nodded, glanced at the man and lowered his gaze once more. ”What kind of sums are we talking about?”

”It d-depends on w-what you’d like to do.” Michael’s voice quivered.

”Well, what if I wanted to fuck you, anal sex?” Again Jean breathed in from his cigarette. Michael bit his lip, all the advices that Jack had given him seemed to have disappeared from his mind.

”You’d have to wear condom… Not rough, you could not leave any marks…” Michael quailed. ”Two hundred and fifty dollars?” he whispered finally, feeling insecure if the sum was right, too little or too high. Ricky usually took care of this side. There had been a time when he would have said that no price was high enough to make him do what he was now offering.

”One could pay more for your kind…” Jean smiled. ”It looks to me though, that you don’t really want this. You must be the sweetest whore that I’ve yet encountered.” The man chuckled softly.

Michael felt ashamed, he should sell better, he brought his gaze up.”I could undress? If you want to make your decision?” he asked as he got up and slowly pulled his t-shirt off.

Jean tilted his head and looked, admiring the boy’s bare upper body. ”What about your boyfriend?” the man asked.

”We both need money…” Michael answered and walked closer to the man, kneeling in front of his feet. Jean felt his organ jerking with interest. Michael brought his hand carefully to touch the man crotch, gently massaging the organ through his pants, feeling how it hardened.

”Can you give head without a condom?” Jean whispered. ”I am healthy in every way…”

Michael was quiet for a moment and then nodded.

”Good, then open my pants…”

Michael nodded again, opened the pants slowly and pulled the hard organ from the flap of the underwear. He tried to focus simply on acting the part he had offered to play and not the emotions behind it. He kissed the reddish head of the cock, heard how the man’s breathing got heavier. Michael continued, took the thick cock between his lips and started to suck slowly, eyes closed. The man brought his hand to his hair and started rocking his hips slowly without forcing the move.

”Why don’t you undress the rest of your clothes and climb up on my lap to ride?” Jean moaned. ”You have a condom with you?”

Michael nodded, took the packet and a small bottle from his pocket and got undressed. He opened the packet with his teeth and gently rolled the condom on Jean’s organ. The man had already lowered his pants to his ankles. Michael quickly spread the lube inside himself and on Jean’s organ before climbing on the man’s lap. He tried to think as little as possible about the reality of what he was doing.

Jean helped him to take him in, his hands were gentle, caressing his lower back slowly before moving lower to massage his buttocks. Michael began to move slowly, eyes closed, riding, leaning forward. He thought of it as a job, he had to. The man however surprised him by kissing his lips and beginning to massage his organ making it hard. Jean grinned when Michael moaned in surprised pleasure and continued, and even though Michael tried to turn his head to prevent the kisses, the man seemed stubborn and managed to capture his lips more than once for a passionate kiss. Towards the end the man’s thrusts grew harder, the moaning louder, accompanied by a slapping sound and sweat.

Michael felt the orgasm run through his body and moaned when he came. The man groaned in delight, held him strongly and lifted up and down on his lap before releasing a loud roar when he reached his own orgasm.

”Gods…” Jean breathed, still holding the boy on his lap. ”Gods you’re good… One could get used to you…”

Michael smiled slightly insecurely, and got up. ”Could I go and wash?” he asked.

Jean nodded, trying to calm his breathing while pulling the used condom off.

”The bathroom is on the left,” he said, smiling at the youth. ”I’ll bring you a towel in a moment,” he continued and Michael nodded, collecting his clothes from the floor and walking to the direction that the man had pointed.


After washing and dressing, Michael returned to the living room, the man drank beer and looked at him smiling. ”Want something to drink?”

”No thank you, I…” Michael bit his lip nervously; it felt uncomfortable to talk about money. Jean sighed and got his wallet.

”You do want to get paid though.” The man grinned, set his beer on the coffee table and started counting his money. ”Look, I have to go to the ATM, I don’t usually carry such large amounts of cash with me, and I hadn’t planned to use my money this way.”

Michael looked slightly alarmed and Jean smiled softly. ”Don’t worry, I’ll pay. You can wait here in the meantime,” he said, and went to get his coat. Michael’s nervousness grew; this went so different from what he had imagined.

Jean returned shortly to the doorway. ”Hey, listen,” he started and Michael looked at him insecurely. ”Why do you need money, are you in some kind of trouble with your boyfriend?”

Michael wrapped his arms around his chest.”In a way,” he answered shyly and glanced at the time. He had to be home before Ricky would arrive.

”Perhaps I could help you more?” Jean asked. ”You don’t seem like a typical whore.”

”It’s complicated…” Michael answered, moving his weight from one foot to the other. ”I’m sorry, but I’m in kind of a hurry…” he said.

”Fine, I won’t be gone for long, I promise.” Jean smiled. ”Wait here, take something to drink if you like.”

The man left, Michael heard the front door closing after him. He lowered his hand on his stomach and paced the room nervously. What on earth was he doing? This was so crazy! This couldn’t end well. Michael soon found himself biting his nails, watching the pictures on the wall; flower and cat paintings, the apartment was neat with light colors, somehow… feminine? Odd.

Jean returned after ten minutes, chuckled when seeing the boy’s face while he was observing the pictures on the wall.

”I rented this place fully furnished. The owner is a single woman, gone for few months, just the time that I needed an apartment,” he said and went up to Michael, handing a tuck of bills to him. ”You’ll get three hundred and fifty dollars– you made an impression on me–but!” The man grinned at the boy’s confused gaze. ”It comes with a term. You’ll get two hundred and fifty dollars now and the rest tomorrow. I am willing to buy your services more often.”

”I-I cannot make it tomorrow,” Michael responded with a coy tone.

”The day after then?” Jean suggested and Michael nodded. ”Fine. Day after tomorrow, here at two o’clock, okay?”

”Okay.” Michael’s voice quivered and he took the offered money.

”Just one tip before you leave,” Jean said and leaned closer to whisper in the boy’s ear. ”Next time, if you continue to sell yourself, you might consider to at least ask for part of the payment beforehand.”

Jean allowed his lips to brush against the boy’s earlobe, grinning as he blushed. ”I’ll see you soon, Michael.”

Michael felt embarrassed; he couldn’t make his blush to disappear. ”See you,” he whispered, glanced at the man’s smiling face nervously. He hurried to the hall to leave.

Jean chuckled lightly as the door closed behind the boy; for a whore there was something extremely endearing about Michael, which made his interest grow.


Jack waited for Michael in front of the café, smoking his cigarette nervously. He was afraid for his boyfriend, afraid that the man he had chosen would reveal himself to be some kind of a lunatic in the end. His stomach churned, he had tried to talk Michael out of it, but when he had decided something, his head wasn’t easily turned. Jack sighed in relief, throwing the butt of his cigarette on the street and stepping on it upon seeing Michael walking towards him.

”How did it go? Are you alright?” Jack asked studying Michael’s face and body, the way he walked and didn’t see any harm on the outside. Michael smiled, nodding somewhat stiffly.

”I got two hundred and fifty dollars and a hundred more if I go get it from his place the day after tomorrow,” he explained with a low voice as they walked forward on the street. Jack touched his arm carefully.

”Wow, three hundred and fifty dollars? That’s really good!” Jack nodded looking around. ”What did you have to do? What was the man like?”

”First… sucking for a while, then with a condom the whole deal…” Michael whispered. ”He was …careful. It was more normal than usually… I mean compared to when Ricky chooses the men.”

Jack nodded and they turned to a side street. They had to deal neutrally with these things. Jack didn’t like it any more than Michael did, but it was their life now, the only way for them to get the money. Michael took the bills from his pocket and gave them to Jack so that he could hide them to a place where their savings were. Now, when no one was around to see, Jack brought his hands on both sides of Michael’s face and kissed him long.

”I was scared for you,” Jack whispered.

”Like I’m always afraid for you…” Michael whispered back, feeling somewhat guilty of the fact that he had allowed Jean to kiss him without resisting more. ”How much do we still need?”

”I’m not sure, it’s better the more we have. We have to make some sort of plan. When we leave we have to disappear under the ground so to speak, for a while at least. They will turn over every stone trying to find us.” Jack sighed, looked at Michael seriously and kissed him again.

”I’m scared Jack.”

”I know, me too.”

”But I still want to do this,” Michael said seriously, lowering his forehead against Jack’s. Jack brushed his hair back and smiled.

”That man, do you think you could get more money from him? If he was okay then I think it’s best you stick to him, for the start at least, if he pays that well and all.”

”I’ll try, he seemed interested.” Michael nodded.

”Good, don’t take anyone else, okay? No necessary risks.”

”Okay.” Michael nodded. ”But I don’t want you to take them either, Jack.” Michael observed his boyfriends face and he smiled, planting another kiss on his lips.

”Don’t worry,” Jack whispered.


Jean opened the door and smiled when seeing the boy. ”Come in,” he said, and held the door open for him.

”Thank you,” Michael said quietly, smiled shyly and stepped in.

”Want something to drink?”

”Glass of water is enough, thank you,” Michael replied and followed Jean into the kitchen. The man took a water can from the fridge and poured into two glasses giving one to Michael.

”Here’s the hundred dollars that I promised,” Jean said then and lowered the bill on the table in front of the boy, who took the money silently and put it in his pocket. Jean caressed Michael’s soft cheek with his finger. ”You need more money?” he asked.

Michael glanced up and nodded. Jean emptied his glass setting it on the table. ”Come, let’s go into the bedroom.”

”Um, what would you like today?” Michael asked carefully and Jean grinned.

”Is this the careful start to the conversation of the price?” the man asked causing the boy to blush. Jean chuckled gently. ”Alright, today I want you to give me a full blow-job, but first I just want to look at you naked.”

Michael nodded.

”Do you swallow?” Jean asked. ”Like I said, I have no diseases. I can even show you a doctor’s certificate, if you like.”

”If I swallow, it will cost more,” Michael whispered. He still felt ashamed talking about sex like business.

”Of course.” Jean smiled. He took his wallet out and fished out one hundred and one twenty dollar bill. ”Is this enough with the hundred I already gave you?”

Michael nodded. Jack had said that many street boys did it for less.

”You’ll cost me, little one,” Jean chuckled. ”But I think you’re worth it.”


A month passed. Michael visited Jean a few times a week, when he could.

He and Jack had tried to polish their plan, but they only became more aware of how difficult it would be to hide from Ricky and Joe, how difficult it would be to get anywhere without any ID cards. Even money couldn’t solve everything. Perhaps the right sum could, but such a large sum would take forever to collect.

Desperation and depression had started to gnaw at Michael’s mind, the decision had been made, but the walls seemed so high to climb over and there would be several traps even after getting on the other side of it. Ricky was too good of a liar and Michael was simply too afraid to go to the cops.

Jean felt like someone he could trust, he was gentle to him. The man talked about everyday matters and tried to come closer to Michael’s reality, he was still wary though. It was difficult to lower the walls that he had created around himself after everything that he had been through. Jean was persistent though and Michael felt his resistance, his willingness to continue the silence of his secrets quivering.

It was a hot June after noon, after sex Michael laid naked on the bed as the man caressed his skin.

”Your body is amazing.” Jean took note and looked up at the boy’s face, bringing his finger on to his lips. ”And your face… I’ve never seen such beauty on another man… How on earth could someone like you end up as a whore?” he asked and leaned closer to kiss Michael’s lips.

The boy tried to turn his head to stop him, when Jean chuckled softly and brought his hand to the side of his face, forcing the younger man to look at him. ”Do not talk to me about that stupid rule… I want to kiss you,” he whispered and brought his lips against Michael’s.

”I should go…” Michael said finally and got up; the man took his hand.

”What kind of trouble are you in? You should tell me, I want to help out more but I can’t if I don’t know…”

Michael felt his stomach churn.”I can’t… it’s… too dangerous.” He tried to get up, but the man pulled him close, sat behind him and kissed his neck.

”Tell me,” Jean encouraged. ”I cannot let you go before you tell me. I’m not a bad man, Michael, surely you’ve seen it by now? I want to help,” he whispered when the boy tried to fight.

”Let go!” Michael sobbed.

”Shh… Tell me, I want to help you and your boyfriend. A boy like you shouldn’t be running on the streets selling his body, you’re far too sweet for it.” Jean wiped softly the tears that had formed under Michael’s eyes with his thumb. ”Tell me.”

Michael felt himself trembling, his lower lips quivered and for a moment he closed his eyes, the last means of his resistance began to crumble.

”I live with a man…” he started in a shaky tone, ”…who calls me his nephew…. and he, he won’t let me go… There are parties… and J-Jack and I… they use us… for their pleasure… I can’t make the choice, we both can’t… If we run they’ll come after us… I believe they’d kill us, but…” Michael shook his head. ”We have to try… I can’t go on with that life and… I know eventually it would lead to death anyway… I want our freedom, we need money… They took our passports, I am not who I say I am. My family is in England and they don’t know where I am, I can’t tell them, I’m afraid he’d hurt them if I did.”

”Good God…” Jean sighed. ”Alright, calmly now…” A moment of silence followed. ”I’m not sure how, but I’ll help you. You only need to tell me all the details more carefully.”

Michael turned his face to the man, swallowing his tears, hardly able to allow himself to believe in Jean’s words, or the hopes that they woke.

”I don’t know if you can help… It’s dangerous,” he whispered.

”I’ll try my best, but you have to tell me who that man is,” Jean said, observing him carefully. ”You have to tell me everything from the start. Who you are, where you come from and so forth. I could try to take you to Paris with me when I leave.”

”I can’t leave, even if it would be somehow possible,” Michael breathed and got up when the man’s hold on him loosened. ”I won’t go anywhere without Jack,” he said and started collecting his clothes from the floor.

”I’ll help you both of course,” Jean said, trying to hide his frustration. Michael pulled his underwear back on and was quiet for a moment. ”How could you take us to Paris, when the men have our passports? And if I leave under my false name, he’d catch me already at the airport.” He smiled sadly. ”You are sweet, but even you can’t perform miracles.”

”Let me try, Michael. Trust me, all you need to do, is to tell me everything possible… and as for the passport issue, it is difficult but not impossible and there’s always a risk of getting caught.”

Michael sighed and pulled his t-shirt on. ”I have to talk with my boyfriend…. All of this is so…”

”I understand and… bring your boyfriend with you the next time and we can all talk. Okay?” Jean smiled and received somewhat relieved smile back.

It felt amazing to Michael that the man would be willing to help them with something so big. There had to be a catch; he thought to himself and at the same time he wasn’t willing to reject the offer of help either, they needed it so desperately. Nothing in life was for free, it was a lesson that Michael had learned all too well by then.

Chapter 16

  Published December 25th.2012

            My Secret Shore© KOLGRIM     


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