11-13 Ghost of you

Chapter 11.

Once again he had managed to lose the track of him, but Alexander should have known better by now. He should know that he could never hide from him for long, because he would always find him no matter what. He checked into a small hotel, smiling to himself as he started unpacking. He was back here again and expected to find the pleasure that he had craved for


“Happy 16 th brother.” Aino whispered to Olavi’s ear. He woke with a smile, turned and looked at her.
“Thank you,” he muttered while sitting up. Aino placed a breakfast tray on his lap. She had even picked some wild flowers for him.
“It’s not everyday that my baby brother turns 16.” She smiled. “Almost a man now, how does it feel?”
“What? Being a man?” He grinned. She raised her eyebrow, a smile on her lips. “It doesn’t feel any different from being 15 really, but it’s only been…” He glanced at the clock; 8.30am. “…like two hours, so one can’t really tell yet.” He started eating his breakfast. Aino sat down on his bed side, looking at him quietly.

“What?” He asked taking a sip of his tea.
“I was just thinking how handsome brother I have and why he has stopped talking to me like he used to.” Olavi blushed slightly.
“I do talk to you,” he said, “nothing has changed.”
“I feel as if it has, it’s like you keep a secret from me. I’ve seen you smile the way you’ve never smiled before. And all I have been able to think about is why my brother isn’t telling me the name of the person who has captured his heart.”
Olavi gulped down the food in his mouth.
“There’s no one…” He said quietly, hating to lie to her; he had never lied to her before about anything and he would have liked to tell her, more than anything, and he would have liked to tell everyone, but it would not be accepted and would only cause trouble. He knew that she couldn’t understand it, and he wasn’t sure which would make her more mad; the fact that he was in love with a man, or the fact that this said man was a Russian.

“Really?” She asked.
“Really, no one at all, I’ve just been happy for other reasons.” He said and she sighed.
“Alright, I won’t bug you about this any longer. I love you. I’ll go and finish your birthday cake.” She smiled.
“Love you too Aino, and thank you.”

There was a bigger party later, with people coming over. Dining out, music, even some dancing. Olavi was dancing with Hanna, and Alexander watched him from the distance, smiling as their eyes met. Olavi glanced at him every once in a while, seeming to hold back a laughter. Sometimes he shook his head, distracted from the dance because he knew that the man was watching him. It was obvious to Alexander how smitten the girl was with Olavi, poor girl, he thought.

“My brother is nice to look at, isn’t he?” Suddenly a woman’s voice asked from beside him. Alexander turned his head to her. Cold blue eyes of the young woman stared into his.
“Your brother is handsome, there’s no denying about that.” He replied.
“He is beautiful, much like my older brother was and you are not the only man that I’ve seen looking at him in such a way.” Aino told him.
“ I have not…” Alexander started, but fell silent after the look that she gave him.
“Why did you come here Mr. Volkov?”
“I came here for work.” He answered.
“Did you now?… Why here? Why this place?”
“Why not here?” he asked and they stared at each other for some time.

“I’ll be blunt with you if I may.” Aino said then, not waiting for his answer. “I do not like you, I do not like your people and I know that there’s more about your coming here than just work. I am going to uncover your secret sooner or later, you can count on it Mr. Volkov.”
With that she turned and left. Alexander looked after her, worrying a little, then he turned his head towards the dancing area, meeting Olavi’s worried eyes with his.


Later that night they escaped from the others, into an old hay barn.
“What did my sister want from you?” Olavi asked as they sat down.
“She suspects.” Alexander told him. “We should be more careful.” He added then. He saw the worry on the boy’s face.
“I don’t want to stop seeing you.” He said then.
“I don’t want that either,” Alexander assured, took his hand and kissed his palm. They looked into each other’s eyes.

“Happy birthday sweetheart, may there be many happy years ahead of you.” Alexander whispered and kissed his lips. “I have something for you.” He took out a silver pocket watch and placed it on his hand.
Olavi looked at it.
“It’s beautiful.” He said, looking at it more closely, admiring the Russian engravings on it.
“It’s quite old, it belonged to my great great grandfather, passed from fathers to sons. This…” He showed the engraved picture of an eagle on it. “…is my family’s crest and this; Ne bylo by schast’ya, da neschast’ye pomoglo, “ He read out loud, “Means; Would have had no luck, if not for misfortune.”
“But it belongs to your family, how could I take it?” Olavi asked, blue eyes wide open.
“Because I want you to have it. I will not have any children to give it to and I like the idea of you carrying something of mine with you.” He smiled. Olavi beamed at him.
“Thank you.” They kissed. “I can just imagine when I’m old and Aino’s grandchildren will find this and they are going to wonder why I had this Russian family watch.” He chuckled to himself. Alexander just continued smiling and stroking his hair.

Soon the kisses between them deepened and slowly the clothes were shed. They made love, right there in the dim hay barn. Never realizing that they had someone spying on them.

Aino gasped for breath, slowly stumbling backwards. This was not what she had wanted to see. This was like a nightmare! They were sleeping together?! That man was fucking her brother! It could not be… She felt sick. She ran, throwing up into a nearby bush. She was sweating, the images in her head refused to leave, mixing with the old horrid memories.
“Olavi… no…” She whispered. She had to fight with herself not to rush in and throw the man off of her brother. But she had seen it all, heard it all… They were in love? She felt really nauseated. The man had seduced him, made Olavi believe that he was in love with him when he really wasn’t. How dared he?! She trembled from sudden anger. She would not let this rest.


‘’’Get off, do not touch me!’’’ He yelled in anger.
‘’’What’s the matter Sascha, heart broken? Pining over that slut? I can make you feel better.’’’ The other man said as he grasped him, pulling him into a kiss. ‘’’Such a great fuck he was, shame to have him gone.”
“Go away, just go away and let me be.” He pulled himself free and left the room.

Alexander woke with a startle, breathing fast. He calmed down as he looked at the boy sleeping next to him. He touched his bare shoulder, his smooth cheek. Suddenly he felt scared, restless, he could feel something lurking, a bad feeling, an eerie thought. Fearing that he had gotten the boy in grievous danger by coming here. He rose, careful not to wake the boy. He searched the letters that Elias had given him, sat down on a stool and started reading the one for him, not remembering how many times he had actually read it already during these years.
Once he finished reading, he looked back at Olavi. ‘’’I really need to tell you this.’’’ He whispered to himself.

Early in the morning, as Olavi was about to leave his room to go back to his own. Alexander stopped him by taking his hand in his.
“I want to talk to you today, after work. Could you meet me by the lake at six this evening?”
“Of course. Is this something serious?” The boy asked.
“It is.”
“You want to end this?” He asked with fearful voice. Alexander laughed softly.
“No, silly boy, it’s not that. Something else, but I tell you about it then. Alright?” Olavi smiled, and kissed him quickly.
“Alright, I’ll see you in the evening then.”


Aino sneaked into the room. She was determined to find some proof, anything that would tell her who this man really was. She searched his clothes, his books, found some old pictures and then, then she found the letter; hidden between the pages of an old book on the bedside table.

Her hands trembled as she recognized the handwriting. She began to read.

“Dear Sascha.
The time is running out, I’ve been washed, brought into the office of your lieutenant. I wish that I knew the right words, I wish that I could write everything that I’ve wanted to tell you, but I’m afraid that I can’t. I’m afraid, that in this state of mind that I’m in, it’s not even possible. I’ll try my best.
I want to thank you, because you brought light into my last moments. Am I crazy, if I tell you, that I love you? Maybe, but that is how I feel and I believe, that you care about me as well, otherwise, you wouldn’t have been so good to me. You wouldn’t have done what you did, if I meant nothing to you at all.

My last name is Lahti, I was born on September 23th in 1927. My parents are dead, my mother was weak when I left and I believe that she died soon after. I have two siblings that are still alive. My sister Aino, who is 6 and a brother, Olavi, who is 4. I do not know of their fate, and they can’t be certain of mine. In my heart I feel that they have survived, still alive, somewhere.

Why am I telling you this? Survive Sascha, you simply must; for my sake. I hope, that someday, after the war ends, you’ll find the remains of my family, and tell them about my death. They suspect it already, but if they cannot find the body, (yes, it feels strange to write like this) and if no one tells them the truth, they will always wonder.

I want them to know, so that they can get their peace in this matter. They’ll ask for details, they’ll ask if I suffered: lie. What good would it make, for them to know of my suffering? They’ll doubt you, they’ll ask questions, wanting to know if you truly knew me. Tell Aino about the day that she and I were on the seashore, we ate ice cream, it was warm, we visited the circus and ate some cotton candy. People were all happy, we spent the whole day together, the war didn’t exist, no one knew of it. Tell her, that if she truly goes to India someday, I’ll walk every step with her; sheltering each of them. I doubt that Olavi remembers much of me, he’s still so young. Tell them that I love them, tell them, that I’ll wait for them with our parents, once it’s their time to come.

Another person, that I wish for you to find; a girl named Emma, she was my best friend. Emma moved to Sweden, in the summer of 1939, her mom got married there and their last name got changed from Koivu to Lindgren. I’ll write a second letter to her, which I enclose with this one. If you can’t find them, I’ll understand, it might be difficult.

She had to sit down, feeling like she could faint at any minute. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, like something inside was choking her. She trembled, the letter falling from her hands. ‘He is dead, he is dead.’ Elias had been crying so hard, the pain, it had not ended that night. How long? What was this? Who was this man? A demon sent to ruin them?! ‘Am I crazy, if I tell you, that I love you?’
She broke down in tears, desperate tears. What had they done to him? Who was this man? ‘They’ll ask if I suffered, lie…’ Oh dear God.
“I have hidden some food, remember when I show you where it was?” Aino looked around in the room, whispers of the past filling her mind.. “…Remember that I love you two, always. The ones we love, are never truly gone, even if we can`t see them. I`ll always be with you” She couldn’t breath.

The hurt changed into anger. How dared this man, how dared he come here and take her baby brother like he had taken the elder? She wanted some answers and she wanted them now. Taking the letter with her, she took off to confront him.


“What is this?!” She screamed showing the letter to the man. Alexander looked at her with surprise, he had just been about to finish his work and leave to meet Olavi down by the lake side. “Tell me what is this?!” She cried.

“You knew my brother? Elias?” He could only nod his head. “Why didn’t you tell us?! Who the fuck are you?”
“Please calm down, let’s go inside for a talk, alright?”
She only nodded her head and followed him in.
“What happened?” She asked, once they had walked in.
“Yes, I knew Elias.” He sighed, seeing the anger burning in her eyes.
“Your people forced themselves on my brother and then they took him with them and all these years, we have had no idea what his fate was and then I find this among your things!” Again she pushed the letter close to his face.

“I was a young man back then, they brought him into our camp and…”
“Did you rape him?” She asked trembling, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.
“No, I did not.” He close his eyes, this was not the way he had wanted to tell this. “I loved your brother. And not a single day goes by without… Without me hating myself for failing to save his life.” His voice was almost a whisper.
“Loved him?!” She screamed. “You used him, you… oh my god. You sick pervert! Do not tell me that you loved him, not after what I saw you doing with my younger brother!”
Alexander looked at her with shock. “Yes, I saw you two last night. So are you going to tell me that you love him as well?” She almost laughed, tears clouding her vision, anger so clear in her entire being. “He doesn’t know, does he? He doesn’t know that you’ve… that you have been with our brother the way you have been with him.” She looked at him, not needing an answer because she could see it. “Do you realise how sick this is?!”
“I was going to tell him tonight.”
“Were you now? Well, it will make him happy, it will make him terribly happy to know that he has been violated by the same man who did it to his brother.”
“The last thing I want to do is to hurt Olavi.” Alexander told her. “And yes, I do love him.”
“My God, are you even listening to yourself?!” She looked at him in disbelief. “Olavi is a 16-year old boy, Elias was only 15. Did Olavi even know what he was getting himself into? And Elias… “ She started sobbing. “This is so sick…”


Emma sat on the porch as a strange car parked in the driveway. She looked at it with interest. A brown haired man stepped out and smiled politely to her.
“Good evening ma’am. I am here to look for a man named Alexander Volkov. I’ve heard that he’s been staying here, am I correct?”
“Yes, he is, but he’s not here right now. He’s still working.” She told him and that was when Olavi stepped outside, ready to leave to the lake. The man turned his eyes to the boy, who looked back at this stranger.
“Where could I find him then? I’m afraid that my business with him is rather urgent.“
“The house is not far from here, just 3 kilometres or so,” Emma replied.
“Well then… Perhaps you could come with me, to show me the way, if it’s not too much trouble?” He asked the boy who had stepped down from the porch.
Olavi glanced Emma and then back at the man.
“Um, sorry, but who are you?”
“Oh, how rude of me; I’m Sadova, Vladimir Sadova an old friend of Alexander’s. I’m bringing news from home to him and it is very important I get to talk to him.”
“Oh, okay, well, I was on my way there anyway so…”
“Great.” The man smiled and opened the car door for him.

“Will you be back for dinner in time?” Emma asked with a shout, somehow feeling slightly uneasy.
“I will.” Olavi answered before the car door slammed shut.

Chapter 12.

“You just need to drive straight down this road and turn left at the next crossing. Then left again and then right.” Olavi guided the man.
“Alright.” The man turned his head to look at him quickly, a smile on his lips.

“So, how do you know Al… Mr. Volkov?” Olavi asked, breaking the silence and hoping that his almost mistake would go unnoticed.
“We a…we met at war… fought together, the same unit.” The man answered, struggling with his speaking a little. Olavi simply nodded his head.
“And what is your reason for learning this language?” He asked with curiosity.
“I guess, since knowing Alexander, I have had the strangest urge to do everything that he does, thus learning this language.” He answered, staring at the road, unable to hold back a grin that appeared on his lips.
“Oh…” What a strange answer, Olavi thought, why hadn’t Alexander ever mention about this man, if they were such close friends?

Vladimir couldn’t help but take another look at the boy; this was just too perfect to miss, he though to himself, feeling his excitement growing.
“What is your name?” He asked then. The boy turned his face towards him, big, innocent blue eyes looking at him.
“Olavi, Olavi Lahti.” He answered. Vladimir nodded his head, he knew who the boy was and almost chuckled to himself. Oh, the irony. Alexander really was too predicable.

The boy was beautiful, fragile, it would be easy to overpower him, just had to get him somewhere… somewhere more secluded.

Olavi glanced out from the window, lost in his own thoughts. What did Alexander want to talk with him about? He had said that it would be serious, maybe it had something to do with this man? But why hadn’t Alexander told him if he had expected someone? He wondered. It was almost six, what if Alexander would be waiting by the lake by now? Would he then tell this man to come with him there? How would he explain that he knew where to go searching for him? Would the man even ask?

He had been far too lost in his thoughts to pay much attention to the road.
“Hey, I think you took the wrong turn.” He said then, looking around.
“Did I?”
“Uh, yes, um you were supposed to take the turn to the left.”
“Sorry, my understanding of the language, it is… still little awkward.” Vladimir answered, continuing to drive and staring at the forest road ahead of them.
“Okay, it’s okay, just turn the car and… and I promise to pay more attention to guiding you.” Olavi smiled, the man looked at him oddly and smiled back.

“Oh, there, you can turn the car there!” Olavi pointed to one narrow sand road that parted from the road that they were on. The man drove past it. “Why are you not turning? This is the wrong way, we…” the look that the man gave him, silenced him. What was going on?
Vladimir smirked, pale blue eyes held an unnerving look in them.

“You’ve grown up quite nicely.” The man spoke then. Olavi was taken back with the comment, not really wanting to know what he meant by it.
“You-, you should turn around.” His voice almost failed him.
“Has anyone ever told you how much you look like your brother?” The question took him by surprise, his heart missed one beat, he could hear how his pulse then started to quicken. His brother…

“Please, stop the car.” He asked then with a weak voice.
“Why would you want that? Wouldn’t you like to ask me how I knew your brother?” The man asked. “Or do you perhaps remember who I am now, little one?” The voice was amused and cruel.

Olavi started to tremble, that voice… Screaming… It had been such a cold day. The game… hide and seek, they had played hide and seek? Had to be quiet… He had wanted the treat that his brother had promised. Elias, he remembered him smiling at him, finger on his lips. The door had closed.

Flashes, shaded memories, that voice, he knew that voice, that smell. Oh God.
“I wonder if you’ll taste as sweet as your brother did.” A touch of a hand on his thigh. Realization had never hit him as hard as it did then. A frightened cry, he opened the car door in panic, his only thought to escape from whatever demon this was that had caught him. He fell on the ground hard, his hands reaching out first, sand tearing his skin; blood, pain, his ankle sprained during the fall.

He limped towards the forest, praying he would get away, praying he would find a hiding place. He heard that the car stopped, engine growling. His heart was beating more madly within seconds. His movements were awkward, he couldn’t move as fast as the man could, because of the pain that the falling had caused. He tried to run, tried to ignore the sprained ankle, but every time he put some weight on it, he almost screamed in agony that it caused.

Vladimir watched as the boy tried desperately to get away from him, he had seen the fall that the boy had taken. ‘’’Foolish child.’’’ He said to himself, smirking. Stepping into the woods he suddenly lost the sight of him, it was quiet all around. His senses were high, his lust driving him forward. No, he would not get away this easily. He stood, listening carefully, adrenalin high. He loved hunting, it brought him more pleasure than anything else; he loved the excitement of it. That is why he had loved the war, his soul was blood thirsty and it craved the fear of the weaker.

‘’’Come out, come out wherever you are.’’’ He called, glancing around with a smile, he was determined to get his prey, and the prey knew it. “I will find you, my pretty, soon we can have some fun, just you and I.”

Olavi crouched behind the large rock. He trembled heavily, taking in shaky breaths, he could hear the man so close. He just had to get away, get to the lake, to Alexander. The man would surely save him. He didn’t want to die.


“I understand your feelings, I-“ Alexander started. Aino turned around to face him.
“Oh you do, do you?!” She screamed.
“I can imagine at least…I wish I had told you earlier but…”
“But you were too busy trying to get my little brother into your bed?! Do excuse me for not congratulating you on that matter.” She snapped at him. Her head started to ache, a silence followed.

“Whether or not you believe me, I do love your brother,” Alexander stated quietly. The young woman moved in front of the window, gazing out.
“Which one of my brothers? Which of them is it that you love?” She asked with tired voice that lacked the previous energy. Alexander took a deep breath.
“I did not expect this, they may have looked the same, but yet both of them are different. As is my love for them.”
“Love…” She sighed, laughing dryly. She turned, tears burning in her eyes. “You’ve ruined his life! Can you not see that?” Alexander did not know what to answer, he opened his mouth, lost with words. “What were you thinking?!” She screamed. “What do you think will happen to him if someone finds this out!? He was fine before you! Uh, just the mere sight of you right now… It makes me so sick!”

Alexander glanced at the clock that showed it was well past six already, he did not like being late, making the boy wait for him.
“Please, all I’m asking for is to sit down and talk about this, with Olavi.” Aino was quiet, just glaring at him. Never had he seen another woman looking so mad as she did at that moment. He wished he knew what the right words were, if there were any.
“You will never see him again.” Aino said then. “You will never speak to him again and you most certainly will not put your dirty hands on him ever again. I will make sure of that.”
“I cannot just leave him, without talking to him first. I am sorry, but I cannot do that, I can’t break his heart like that.”
“Break his heart! You’ve already broken it! You… for God’s sake you were one of his brother’s rapist! How do you think he’ll take it?!”
“For the second time; I did not rape Elias!” Alexander shouted, the accusation was just too much to take, they had loved, he knew this, the accusation made it sound dirty.

“Did you not? So what; he actually enjoyed being there, is that what you are saying? Are you saying that my brother wanted to be…” She could not finish her sentence; she felt another wave of tears rising in her eyes. “Elias was in love with Emma, he took care of us like a father would at the age of 15! Then your people showed up and…Oh dear God… How can you say that you did not rape him!? He couldn’t have slept with you willingly.”

“It was crazy, the whole world was mad back then, and I found myself in a hopeless situation. I did not plan it, anymore than Elias did. He was innocent, he had a good heart, so much love… I wanted to help him, I did, that’s how it started and your brother… he, he was scared, alone and in pain and I guess he found some comfort in me and that’s how it started with him.” Alexander calmed himself down, he couldn’t get himself worked up, the woman had every right to feel mad, she couldn’t know how it had been. “You’ve read the letter, read it again. Those are your brother’s words in it. He did not mean for you to see that letter, but it’s the only thing that we have to tell his side of how it was.”

Aino tried to calm herself down, but it seemed impossible. Elias was dead, had been for many years. She had expected it to be so, but still there had been that small hope burning inside her heart. Hope that she would one day see her brother again, he would smiled and he would hold her, he would tell that he was alright now, that there was no more pain. She cried, feeling like she would fall apart at any minute, couldn’t breathe, it was the memories that filled her, haunted her. His image, long ago lost and never returned. The pain was heavy in her heart.
“I loved him!” She screamed. “I loved him and want him back, you stupid bastard!”
Alexander looked at her sadly, she seemed so small, so fragile. He knew the pain that she was going through, he could feel it. Tears rose to his own eyes, he wanted to comfort her, but knew that it was not his comfort that she wanted.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, looking at her.
“I hate you!” She screamed trembling, glaring at him. “I hate you…” She repeated with much weaker voice and sat down, still holding the letter in her hands. It was quiet.


His lips trembled, his body was shivering, he could hear his own heart beat so clearly. Tears fell down, he looked at his surroundings in desperation. He had no idea where to run, where the lake was.
“Come now pretty, there’s no reason to hide… You know you can’t run from me.”
The man was calling him, it could only be matter of minutes before he’d be discovered. He wondered whether he would make it if he ran. Would his legs carry him? ‘Ignore the pain, ignore the pain.’ He repeated to himself, the words becoming like some sort of mantra. He carefully touched the watch in his pocket, the one that Alexander had given him in hopes that it would bring him the courage that he needed. Then he thought of his brother.
“We must be brave like soldiers now…” He suddenly heard his voice inside his mind. He wanted to be as brave as Elias had been.

“Here you are.” He suddenly heard the voice right next to him and panicked. He got up as fast as he could and made a desperate attempt to run; tree branches scraped him, the ground was uneven and made the running hard. He made the mistake of looking back while he ran and that was when he tripped.

“Caught you.” The man laughed in triumph.


“Let’s go for a little walk.” Emma spoke to her son as she dressed her younger daughter and placed her into the baby carriage.
“Why?” He asked, not wanting to leave his toys.
“Because I want to see how the work is going, wouldn’t it be nice to see that house? We can even stop by the lake before we get back.” She smiled at him. She really didn’t need to see the house, in reality she just wanted to see if Olavi had arrived there safely. She had a very funny feeling inside of her, feeling she couldn’t quite place, but still it left her restless. She just needed to see that everything was alright.
“Alright mom,” The boy said and stood up.


She could hear the arguing. When she stepped in, she saw them. Aino had been crying, she seemed to be furious with the man, but there was no sign of Olavi or the man he had left with.
“What’s going on here?” Emma asked confused; both turned to look at her. Aino wiped some tears from her eyes, Alexander looked at her in a helpless way. “Did that friend of yours find you Alexander?” She asked then. Alexander looked surprised.
“My friend?” Aino was now listening too.
“Yes, a friend of yours stopped by our house asking for you and I told him that you were here, -I…” The look on Alexander’s face, told her the answer. “He asked Olavi to show him the way and he…”
“What? Where is Olavi?!” Alexander asked.
“I-, he left with that man.” Emma felt her heart beating faster.
“Who?? Who did he leave with?!” Alexander asked.
“He, he said that he was your friend.” Emma stammered. “They left almost an hour ago, in his car.” Alexander looked at the time; 6.25pm.
“Did he give you any name!?” He shouted, anger on his face. It scared her.
“Vladimir… something, I believe he said his last name started with a letter S.”

“Fuck! We must hurry, we must find them and fast!” He shouted.
“What is going on, where’s my brother?” Aino asked in fear.
“We’ll find him… We must!”

Chapter 13.

Alexander ran towards the lake, looking around desperately, hoping to find them, he needed to find them!
“Olavi!” He called, but heard nothing, saw nothing, at least not the person that he desperately wanted to find.
“Olavi!” It was Aino who called for him now. “Where are you?” She cried. “You cannot leave me…Olavi!” Alexander looked at her, their eyes met. He saw her tears, her worry, it would break her to find another beloved family member dead, just like it would break him to find another lover so. He took a couple of deep breaths, gazing at the forest, calculating their chances to find Olavi in time. It seemed so hopeless, they could be anywhere by now.

“You know this man who has him?” Aino asked suddenly. Alexander looked at her.
“He is one of those who raped Elias, isn’t he?” She asked then. Alexander nodded weakly. She broke down to another wave of tears.
“We will find him, and when we do, Vladimir will regret the day when he was born, I promise you that.”


Vladimir held the boy down on the ground, looking at his desperate struggle to free himself from his hold. The boy screamed, tears making his eyes even more intense blue than they had been.
He decided that it would be fun to play more, so he eased his hold, watched as the boy immediately crawled away, trying to stand up. Vladimir followed him, walking with no rush. The boy was hurt and couldn’t move fast no matter how much he tried.
He smiled, staying close to him, watching, waiting, wanting. The boy turned to look at him, his lips trembling, cheeks glimmering with wet tears.
“Let me go, please let me go.” He begged him.
“I can’t.” Vladimir told him with calm voice, sick sadistic smile following his words. He imagined all the things he wanted to do to the boy and knew that he was only moments away from getting what he wanted. It was a long time since he had been this aroused.

Olavi tried to run with his injured leg, gasping in pain, realizing that he wouldn’t be able to get away from the man.
“Help!” He screamed in desperation, hoping that someone would be able to hear him, that someone would come for him. Vladimir grasped him, knocking him onto the ground.
“You’re not getting away, my pretty, I have not gotten what I want from you yet.” He whispered to him, licking his ear. “I want to show you how it feels like to be taken by a real man,”
“No, oh God please no…”

“Alex!” Olavi screamed. The man smiled down at him.
“Oh, calling for Alexander? Is he your lover?”
“Please…” He begged. “Please don’t kill me.” The boy’s lips were trembling and Vladimir looked at him with fascination. He wanted to drink the boy’s fear.
“Play nicely and maybe I don’t have to kill you.” He told him, touching his lips.

“Suck my fingers.” He said then with thick voice. Olavi cried silently, when feeling the man’s fingers lingering on his lips. “Remember to play nicely.” The man whispered and so he parted his lips carefully. Two fingers were pushed in, moving in and out slowly. “Use your tongue.” Another order that Olavi saw best to obey. “Suck them, suck them like you would suck on a candy stick.” Olavi felt more ill with each passing second, The man got better on top of him, starting to move his pelvis up against him and he could feel how hard the man was by now.

The fingers were pulled out and it was then that the man kissed him, making sick aroused sounds, licking his face all over. Vladimir took his lower lip between his teeth’s; pulled, drawing blood.
“Mmm… you taste good, so pure and innocent.” Olavi started fighting back more fiercely, there was no way that he could just take this, no way he could let this man take him the way that only Alex had the right to take. He kicked and scratched him, called for help. Vladimir hit him.
“Shut the fuck up… So you want it rough, do you? Well, let’s make it rough then.”

He started ripping the boys clothing, tearing the shirt up from the middle. He took a knife, hidden in his left boot and used it to cut the belt and tear up his pants as well. Olavi kicked him, tried crawling away, but was pulled back by his ankle. Vladimir took his leg, pulled the first shoe off and then the second, getting rid off all of his clothing.

“Help!! Alex!!” The man hit him again, trying to yank his legs apart.
“Please, please let me go…” Olavi begged in panic, tensing all of him muscles, trying to do his best to keep his legs together. Another slap on his face.
“Open your fucking legs now,” Olavi still struggled, but finally the older, stronger man overpowered him with his strength. Olavi’s energy was fading, the man got what he wanted. He spit on his hand and finger was shoved roughly inside.

“ God’s you’re tight… Are you still a virgin?” Vladimir asked while watching his pain in sick satisfaction. There was no reply, only desperate tears. “I guess not, I guess Alexander beat me to it.” He shoved another finger in, Olavi screamed.

“I wonder if you feel as good as your brother did. Well, I’ll find out soon, won’t I?” He grinned, kissing the boy again. Third finger inside. “Does Alexander find you better than him?” The boy looked startled by his question. “Oh, you didn’t know, did you?”
“Please stop.” He begged.
“Like the little slut your brother was, we fucked him good. Alexander did too, took him many times…. You really do look so much like him, Alexander must have been ecstatic when finding you.”
The words stabbed him deep, it could not be true, it could not…
“No.” He sobbed. “No..”
“Yes.” Kisses, continuing kisses on his naked flesh. The pain caused by the man’s fingers being forced inside of him, pain in his heart of the revealed truth. His brother. Alexander had spoken of his brother. “Beautiful.” The man whispered.

Vladimir revealed his organ; hard, red from the blood that had rushed down to it. Olavi knew what was to come, knew that it would happen, no one would come in time.
“I’m going to shove this deep inside that tight little hole of yours and fuck you hard, tear you up.” He whispered. Using more of his own spit on him and on himself the man got between his legs, guiding his cock against his entrance. “Are you ready?” He asked. Olavi shook his head, losing his strength to speak. The man penetrated him with one hard thrust. That was pure agony, even his first time had been gentler and he screamed, trembling under the bigger body.

“So tight…” Vladimir moaned, starting to move, holding him under him tightly. Olavi’s head felt dizzy with the pain. God was punishing him, he thought, punishing him for acting the way that he had, for wanting another man. The day in the forest with Alexander, he had acted like a slut in heat. This, he had never wanted this.
Then the whispers started, telling him the nasty details of his brother’s death, telling him how many men had taken him, asking if he wished for the same. Does Alexander ever moan his name while he sleeps? When he fucks you? He felt sick, really sick. He cried for his brother and he cried for himself, of the pain. His heart felt heavy.

He was tearing him up, that was how it felt like. Pain flickered in his body and all the crying left him feeling numb inside. He prayed for it to end, not sure how much he could take before passing out. Everything felt so surreal, looking at the sky, high up to tree tops, few birds flying across, the stillness of nature, the fierce moving of the man, his intensive moans, his own broken sobs

The man turned him around, slamming into him again and again, pulling at his hair; Olavi had to bend his neck back into painful position. He almost couldn’t believe that what happened was really happening to him. It had to be someone else…


The sun was starting to set. More people had joined their search; men who had known the family earlier, friends of Olavi’s parents, Hanna’s father, but none of them hadn’t find any clue yet.

Alexander worried about the darkness that would soon be falling. He refused to think of the possibility of finding Olavi dead; old wounds were about to open, old memories. Broken cries of Elias on the cold winter night, his dead body on the floor, glazed eyes of the dead.

He had told Aino to go home, but the young woman refused to leave until she would find her younger brother. Hanna’s father searched with them.
“Olavi!” Aino called, looking around. “Olavi!” She took support from the tree trunk next to her, leaning against it, looking up to the sky. It felt hard to breath, she sank down on her knees. “Olavi! Where are you?!… Answer, please answer…”

Alexander listened carefully, he thought he heard something… something…
“Shh… Listen.” He said then with a frown on his face. Aino stood up, listening as well.
Alexander suddenly looked up, something was telling him to continue, telling him where to go, weak voice, instinct.
“Do you hear something? Because I don’t.” Hanna’s father asked. Alexander didn’t answer, just continued walking, with determined look on his face, soon he started running.

His heart was beating madly, now he definitely heard something.

First it was shock, then fear and then anger that hit him once seeing the scene in front of him. Olavi laid on the ground naked, face down, while Vladimir loomed over him, touching him, touching himself. Olavi was not moving. Still, fragile body, covered with bruises, Alexander saw the blood on him, his heart twisted in pain, tears filled his eyes. Not again, not again…

He grasped a thick branch from the ground and marched towards them.
‘’’Vladimir!’’’ He shouted. The other man looked up.
‘’’Alexander, you’re welcomed to have your turn.’’’ Vladimir smiled sickly, but his smile soon faded when seeing the anger on his former comrade’s face, when seeing the branch that Alexander had lifted up. ‘’’What are you doing?’’’ He asked.
‘’’Something I should have done years ago!’’’ Alexander hit him hard with the branch, the other man cried out, held his hands up in weak defence.
‘’’Stop!’’’ Alexander did not listen, he hit him again and again.
‘’’Did you bloody stop when he asked!?’’’ He shouted, hitting him in blind anger.

The other man was lying still on the ground in his own blood. That was when Alexander finally stopped. He let the branch fall from his hands, tears of anger and sorrow in his eyes. He took a couple of deep breaths. He knew he had just killed him, but didn’t really have the energy to care or worry. The man deserved to be dead. He turned towards were Olavi laid, cried as he knelt down to touch him.
“Olavi…please be alive.”” He whispered lifting him up to his arms, supporting his neck so that his head would not fall back. Vladimir had beaten him up quite badly, but he was still breathing, he was still alive, though unconscious. Alexander held him tightly, kissing his forehead, stroking his hair. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

It was then that Aino and the other man found them.

Web published: My Secret Shore


Continue to ch 14